It was worth being the `devil's advocate' in our comments
on Shabbos Preparations (see Parshas Bechukosai, and
response, Parshas Noso) just to get the wonderful readers'
reactions. Here is another excellent, down-to-earth letter
with a very healthy, Jewish attitude and outlook. There are
various ways of being neshos chayil! I think, dear readers,
that I must retract whatever I said. And thanks!
I don't agree with you one bit!
I am 36, mother of ten, the oldest being 14 and eight of them
boys. The girls are only 7 and 5. Four children are still
home full time. So I'm pretty busy with very little help.
No, I do not have the "feeling sorry for myself" attitude to
bringing up my family - it is my purpose in life and I am
proud to be doing it.
Yes, Shabbos should be prepared a day in advance. I
personally do not use store-bought food for various reasons:
finance, allergies, and happening to enjoy cooking.
But if my plumbing would collapse on a Friday and I
had to spend the whole day unclogging it and cleaning up, I'd
also be proud of myself for making it on time to the whistle.
Even if I did buy everything, is it worth being miserable
over Shabbos for having yelled at the children for having
walked in the muck - just because your homemade food was more
important? If that woman made it to Shabbos with a clean
house lekovod Shabbos, in a relaxed frame of mind, she
has NOTHING to feel guilty about. Besides which, if she read
your article, do you think she would have felt good about
herself and the publicity? [Yes, you are right.]
As to the Paper Plate Debate: You can't turn the clock
back. Would you expect everyone to use fabric diapers because
it is a privilege to bring up children? If some people use
disposables, they have their reasons and nobody has a right
to criticize. We often have guests on Shabbos. I don't even
have enough dishes, certainly not matching ones. So we use
what we have and supplement with disposables, and the
children all chip in with serving and clearing, each at their
level, without me tensing up that they will break what hasn't
broken yet. I'm not discussing the educational aspect of
disposables, rather the Shabbos one.
Our Shabbos table is not festoon. We are obviously doing
something right if children keep asking when it will be
Shabbos again and if guests keep returning. And on the weeks
when my husband insists on using disposables to save me
washing dishes in cold water, I appreciate his concern for me
and refuse to feel guilty. Every family has its priorities -
to some, it's homemade food or challos, to some it's food
made fresh on Friday, not Thurdsay, to some it's real china.
My personal priority is that Friday night and Shabbos are
sacred to my children. And if to achieve a relaxed extra few
minutes to talk/play with them, even to daven with
them, I have to give up on any of the above other priorities,
so be it. Without guilt complexes and compromises.
I don't always light at the siren. There have been weeks when
it has been closer to eighteen minutes to sunset. An
unexpected knock at the door to borrow something which a
house with ten kids always has on stock, accidents with the
kids etc. Our basic attitude is to try and get there on time;
if I don't manage, it is NOT a sin. Hopefully, when the kids
get older - and don't get me wrong, they ALL help - and the
crises which crop up in a household of little children fade
away, then I will expect to light on time and will feel
guilty if I don't. But for now, I think I and many women of
my generation can face our Creator on Friday night with
Lecho Dodi and a clear heart that we have done our
best, under the circumstances, asking Him to grant us many
more such arvei Shabbosos with joy and good health.
*
Are there any other such issues that the readers might like
to discuss? The two responses were handwritten, heartwritten,
expressing gut feelings, and we appreciate them greatly,
especially the time and effort it took to send them.
Our address: Weinbach, Panim Meirot 1, or FAX 02-538-7998. We
honor requests for anonymity, of course.
ONE READER IN BNEI BRAK does ask for Eitzes in dealing with
shy, reserved children. Any experiences or ideas on how to
open up such children?
This is YOUR paper. Be part of it!
