Let's face it, our wants and desires are shlepped along by
advertising. To be happy we feel we need the latest gadget,
camera, computer, phone, vacations in ever increasingly
distant locations, the latest clothing styles. We see it in
the ad and then we need it to be happy. We, of course have
plenty of rationalizations to justify a purchase that we
really don't need. "It will make me more productive, I'll be
able to get my job or household work done quicker, better,
easier. I'll be happier." Really? So how come, with all the
gadgets you already have, things take more time now, than
they ever did? Where is all this extra "leisure time?" Where
is all this extra "gadget induced happiness?"
In the old days (1985) those at the upper end of the
socioeconomic scale spent less time at work than those at the
lower end. Today it's reversed! The richer you become, the
more hours you have to slave away at the proverbial
grindstone! What's the point? So you can have more gadgets
that you never really needed? To take expensive vacations to
try and recover from those exhausting hours of work? To try
to put you family back together after they have been
devastated by the inevitable and unavoidable neglect that
long working hours have on the family? [Myths of "quality
time" non-withstanding. How much "quality time" do you really
have when you are run-down from running on the treadmill of
the rat race?] And you can't stop, because you, like any self-
respecting member of the upper-middle class, have taken out
loans and mortgages to finance all the "stuff" you need to be
a respectable member of the "upper middle" or just the
"middle" class. After all, what will the neighbors say?
Today, many women feel they must work. Especially if their
husbands are learning. Both to bring in extra income, as well
as to symbolize their appreciation of Torah learning. This
would normally make perfect sense. Yet the strange realities
of the economy make this no longer so true.
When a women leaves the home, it creates all sorts of direct
and indirect expenses. She will need child-care, housework
care, cooking help, and/or need to buy more expensive
prepared foods. She will need a wardrobe that is constantly
updated to meet the latest fashions to fit the image of the
"working woman" in the marketplace. She will need new
sheitels. She will need transportation to and from
work.
Advertisers also know that she will now be buying more
"extras" to make herself feel good after a long
day/week/month/year at work. Work is exhausting — both
physically, emotionally and spiritually. She will feel tired
and impatient. She will feel bad about neglecting her
children and husband. After an eight-hour day, plus
traveling, she realistically does not have a lot of energy
left. So her family will also need "extras." Expensive toys
for the kids, going out to dinner with the husband.
Eventually, this lifestyle takes it toll. Now more money will
often be needed for marriage counseling and for counseling
for the kids who are doing poorly in school or have emotional
issues. Many of these issues are a result of not having a
warm ear to talk to when they come home, or not having
parents who have the energy to help them with homework.
Suddenly the kids are "off the derech" and everyone
wonders why.
[Yes, this is not the only reason kids go "off the
derech." Yes, some families of working mothers do
quite nicely despite the odds, but there are certain
realities of the situation that should not be ignored.]
The importance of Torah in the eyes of the wife and family
also suffers. When a child is sick, who needs to stay home?
The wife can't miss work, so the husband needs to leave
kollel. Or who needs to run errands? The wife must be
at work.
Frequently the work environment will also damage the wife's
original values. At work, they speak in disparaging tones
about those who "do nothing all day but learn Torah." Whereas
they, in the office, see themselves as the "movers and
shakers" in the world. Slowly, the wife can be worn down by
this constant anti-Torah atmosphere, which can exist even in
"orthodox" workplaces, and pick up these attitudes. She no
longer looks at her husband with the same respect and wants
him to get a "real job."
In any event, most women will only have a fairly low salary -
- just enough to qualify them as "the working poor." In fact,
in an informal survey of five working women, after
calculating all their work-related expenses, they found a net
loss of some 500-700NIS per month. That is to say, it
actually costs them 500-700NIS per month — beyond their
salary — to go out and work! This does not include
the loss of discounts on Arnona (city tax) and Kupat Cholim
(medical insurance) or the additional expenditures discussed
above! The family has less money and she is tired and worn-
out. She is left with a non-optimal, if not dysfunctional,
family. What for? Is this what we really want?
[Certain women in our generation have a psychological need to
be "career women." This article is not addressed to them,
though they will face the same problems.]
