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Home
and Family
The Journey of Dr. Bounce
by Rochel Gill
The first time it happens, nobody makes too much fuss of the
affair. In a fit of exuberance or excitement, the child sinks
his teeth into another child's arm. Not only do they not make
a fuss of the occurrence, if he is a first child, first
grandson, anything he does is funny or clever or
extraordinary. The sun rises and sets with the antics of this
little fellow. However, next time he does it, nobody is in
the least bit amused.
In fact, it became quite a habit, which Motti practiced on a
regular basis. From a sweet little toddler, Motti turned into
quite a skilled 'biter.' The first two or three bites he
inflicted on his two-month-old sister, at opportune times
when he happened to be alone with her. "I only wanted to kiss
her," he explained in his baby treble, and everybody was won
over by the cute little boy.
However, when the kindergarten started complaining, things
did not seem quite so 'cute' any more. The first time the
teacher phoned, she stammered uncomfortably. It was difficult
to protest about a child who had been the star of the class
up till now. "He bit two children," she murmured almost
apologetically, "and left real wounds on their legs. I would
not have made an issue out of it but those two mothers are
really incensed."
Motti's mother began to take notice. She warned him before he
left in the morning and he promised faithfully that he would
not do such a thing again . . . till next time. By now
mothers accosted her personally and reported how her
aggressive son left fresh bite marks on their children's
limbs each day. The teacher said pensively one day that they
might have to exclude Motti from kindergarten till this
problem was sorted out, till she had taken him to see some
specialist.
"I was really offended," reports Motti's mother. "It was like
a nightmare. My darling little boy was to be expelled?"
Furthermore, she was deeply hurt by the mothers who called
her child vicious, and she practically begged the staff to
give him another chance. They were sorry for her but insisted
that she go for some professional advice if they agreed to
keep him.
The psychotherapist advised her not only to look at what she
thought was some deep-seated jealousy of his baby sister.
Usually, she explained, biting begins at about two or at any
age up to about four. However, there is probably some
frustration at the same time. When a baby begins biting at
much younger age, it is often pure frustration. His
comprehension is more advanced than his speech and he cannot
make himself understood. The phenomenon is far less worrying
at this age. The child can be told clearly that all he needs
to do is call the teacher. An older child, who is perfectly
articulate, and old enough to identify with the pain of
others, is biting for different reasons.
An occasional bite is unpleasant but not world-shattering. It
is when biting has become a habit that one has to find out
about the child's social skills, whether he seems worried
about something whether he is unusually restless, or even
whether an older sibling or parent is strained. It is
possible that if a child is suffering some tension with which
he cannot cope, he may bite to let off some steam. He is most
likely to bite children smaller than himself.
After this introduction, how do we stop the child from
biting? Firstly, the child must be told very firmly, "In this
family nobody bites, not at home and not in a shop nor in the
street." If this fails, punishment will have to be the next
step, at the same time giving the culprit as much extra love
and attention as possible. If there has been some change in
the child's routine, however small and insignificant, when
that is overcome, the child will stop biting. In the case of
one boy, the father had been taking him to kindergarten every
morning for months. Now the mother began to take him and the
boy's biting career began. It was not that he didn't love the
mother at least as much as he loved the father. It was just
that she was more tensed up in the morning and it had an
effect on the child. In the case of another child, they
discovered that the building work they were having done in
the house unsettled him and caused him to start biting.
It is always best to try to discover the cause and act on it
without consulting specialists. On the other hand, if he
continues biting and there is no way you can stop him, you
may be facing something more serious and will have to consult
someone who is experienced in dealing with emotional
problems. Sometimes a stranger can work with a child for two
or three sessions, and the problem, (not only the problem of
biting which we were discussing) which loomed so large
before, disappears in a seemingly miraculous fashion.
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