I once heard Rabbi Dr. Avraham Twerski tell a story about a
patient in a mental hospital who refused to participate in
any of the activities that were available to him. He
wouldn't even join the other patients for meals. All day, he
stood still in one position with his hands raised in an odd
position.
In his confused state, this man had decided that he was the
mythological figure Atlas who was supposed to have carried
the world on his shoulders. Day after day, the patient stood
there "supporting" the world. None of the staff of the
mental hospital could get through to him until one young
doctor came up with a great idea.
The doctor offered to stand in the patient's place and hold
up the world for him so that he could go to a counseling
session. The patient thought it over and accepted. He very
seriously and very, very carefully handed over his imaginary
burden to the doctor, who pretended to hold it, until the man
was out of sight.
In our world, it is a mitzvah to shoulder the burden
of a fellow Jew. We can't make empty gestures or pretend to
take the load off our friend or neighbor. We have to
actually help.
A friend was telling me about her daughter and the daughter's
friends. They are all wonderful young women in their
twenties and they are still waiting to meet their predestined
mates. "They daven at the Kosel and Kever Rochel.
They say Perek Shirah every day. They split up and
recite volumes of Tehillim every month," mused my
friend. "I don't know what they are doing wrong,"
I have thought about this for some time, and I have come to
the conclusion that it isn't that they are doing anything
wrong. They are doing things right. Maybe too right —
if there is such a thing.
The Ribbono Shel Olam loves our prayers. After all,
davening is one of the essential three pillars. It
isn't that pathetic mental patient or his hero Atlas who is
holding up the world. It is us Jews, with our Torah, Divine
Service and Deeds of Loving Kindness.
Whenever I go to the Kosel, I see women from all over who
have come to this holiest of sites to beseech the One Above.
And a large number of these supplicants are women whose heads
are bare — not because they aren't religious, but
because they aren't married yet.
The prayers and the tears of these women are truly heart-
felt. If I were giving grades for prayer, I would definitely
give them straight "A's." Some are daily visitors. They
start off by committing to visit the Kosel for 40 consecutive
days, but after that period has passed they keep coming
back.
They are filling a great need. They are offering the most
sincere of prayers, which are going a long way towards
holding up the world. Maybe the rest of us should step in
and help. If we can improve our own davening and get
it up to the level of these single women, maybe we can take
over part of their burden.
Just a few years ago, we all had a major course in prayer.
It was called the Intifada. We woke up almost every morning
to news about bus bombings and other terrorist attacks. We
all knew someone who was killed or injured. Do you remember
what the davening looked like on Rosh Hashonoh and Yom
Kippur? Many people have prayer books from those days that
are swollen from their tears.
We have had a "refresher course" more recently and so many
families have had a life-threatening illness or injury, major
surgery, or a financial crisis. All of a sudden, the praying
got serious again. But then things calmed down. And the
intensity of the prayers diminished until here we are, back
at square one again.
It is the singles out there — and that includes single
men as well as the women I mentioned above — who are at
it every day, praying with the intensity that we need to keep
the world going. Maybe they can be an inspiration for us to
do a little better.
The Chofetz Chaim had a simple suggestion for improving our
daily prayers. When we get up to say Shmoneh Esreh,
we should stop for a few seconds and think about Who we are
about to address. As we say the prayers, we should pause
before each of the paragraphs and think, "I am about to say
the paragraph about the Patriarchs," or "Now I am going to
pray for good health," or "I am about to thank Hashem for all
of His kindnesses."
The ArtScroll siddur even gives us a one- or two-word
reminder in between paragraphs on both the Hebrew and English
sides of the page. If we would take the time to read these
hints and internalize the message, we would not have to ask
ourselves at the end of our prayers, "Did I pray for a
refuah? Or for parnassah?"
One of my father's uncles lived in Indianapolis in the early
days of the speedway. He told us that the people who worked
in the pits during the car races used to vie for such records
as "shortest time for a tire change." In some shuls
it looks as if people are trying to set their own "shortest
time" records.
If prayer were optional, I would say, "Okay, these words that
I am writing are for those of you who may elect to pray today
or in the near future." But it isn't optional. We have to
daven and we have to fulfill that obligation multiple
times each and every day.
Our Sages tell us that if one prays for a friend who has the
same need, he, himself, will be answered first. There is a
project that someone started in the States: They match up
people according to needs categories such as "marriage
match," "children," "healing," and "livelihood." The
participants are given only the Hebrew name (and mother's
name) of their "partner," the person in their category for
whom they are going to pray. Everything else is private.
The program is quite new but already there have been a number
of success stories.
There is a practical reason why this system works. Prayer is
definitely stronger if it is focused. And that brings me
back to the singles and their laser beam focus on their
problem at hand.
We can all help marry off the singles in one of two ways. We
can focus our beseeching the Heavens to assist them to
quickly find their mates. Or, alternatively, we can help by
shouldering the burden that is currently resting on the
shoulders of these singles, plus a few other individuals who
also qualify as super-daveners. We can make our own
prayers a special gift to Hashem.
Then the singles won't have the awesome responsibility of
holding up the world. They can give part of their burden
over to us as they each happily run off to build the nest of
their dreams.
