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Home
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To Tell or Not to Tell
by A. Ross
In almost every educational establishment, there is at least
one child with some chronic illness. Unfortunately, many
parents are unwilling to disclose the fact that their child
has a problem, with the result that instead of a happy child
who is an integral part of the class, he has to live with a
constant 'secret' which he cannot discuss with his friends.
It is not in a child's nature to conceal things, and a
secret is a heavy burden for any child to bear. Whether the
child suffers from cystic fibrosis, or epilepsy, diabetes or
congenital cataracts, it is a difficult lesson to learn at a
very young age that he may not confide in his friends.
Moreover, it might be potentially dangerous if the teacher
does not know of the child's condition.
A little boy with cystic fibrosis was registered at a school
without mentioning his illness. At first it was not too
difficult, but as he became older, he needed almost
superhuman strength to participate in the physical
activities. He spent much time on inhalers at home, and
several hours a day on physiotherapy. He would not eat at
school because of the numerous tablets he had to swallow in
order to be able to digest his food. Finally, he refused to
go to school altogether, and the family decided to 'come
clean.'
When the father came to school and explained C.F to the
class, the boys were astounded. This quiet introverted boy
became a hero when they heard of all the obstacles he had to
overcome in order to live a fairly normal life. Before the
father left, quite a few of the boys admitted that they,
too, used an inhaler at home, frequently.
The reason for parents' unwillingness to reveal anything
unusual about their child's health, are twofold. Firstly,
principals may refuse to accept the child into their
establishment. They do not know what is involved and are not
looking for extra responsibility! Secondly, parents are
afraid of stigma, which might be attached not only to the
sufferer himself, but also to the siblings when it comes to
shidduchim. In spite of their (maybe justified)
fears, it is a great deal better to let the child be an open-
hearted child, integrated into the class. Sooner or later, a
neighbor or relative will talk about a mysterious illness or
hint darkly at something wrong in the family, which might be
worse than the real truth. Furthermore, it is safer when the
staff knows about the child and are taught how to react in
an emergency.
Occasionally, a parent will mention to a teacher that her
child has to miss quite a few school days, in order to
attend hospital appointments. The parent may be quite vague
about the illness and be astounded if the teacher asks point-
blank if the child suffers from a particular disease. In
spite of wagging tongues and gossip, there will be a general
feeling of relief when the staff is fully aware of the
problem. Children are more understanding and supportive when
they are entirely cognizant of the difficulties faced by a
classmate. Far from despising, or looking down in the
sufferer in any way, his classmates will want to know all
the details and will admire him for coping with all the
difficulties involved.
If the teacher finds he is responsible for a child with a
certain condition, he must familiarize himself with the
cause, symptoms, and prevention of an attack or episode.
Additionally, he has to be quite sure that he is familiar
with the treatment, in case of need. Furthermore, he has to
explain to the class that in the same way that some people
need glasses to help them see, some people need pills before
meals to help them digest food or inhalers, etc. to help
them breathe. The children's acceptance of their slightly
different classmate depends largely on the teacher's
attitude. This attitude will have quite an influence on the
way the children will think about chronic illness, or
differences among humanity in later life.
In a previous article, the various chronic illnesses and how
to treat them in schools were listed. It should be mandatory
for schools to equip themselves with an epi pen, and teach
teachers how to use it, and to have an inhaler, among their
first aid equipment. Unfortunately, many schools do not see
the need for this, because, as said, they either refuse to
accept children with a chronic illness or allergy, or the
parents do not admit to any problem.
When a principal or teacher informs parents that their child
is not doing very well, and is below the standard of the
class, there are parents who will refuse to let their child
be given extra help; they claim he does not need it, and
that the child has no learning problem of any kind. They are
afraid "people will talk," and frequently, they honestly do
not see that the child is far behind the rest of the class.
They, too, are afraid of the stigma attached to a child who
needs extra help.
With this same mistaken idea, parents of children with a
physical problem are actually being quite unkind to their
child when they deprive him of the help he may need in an
emergency. They do not understand that in both instances,
the children will become isolated. As mentioned, when things
are out in the open, classmates will readily accept the
differences; as soon as there are secrets, classmates, and
even parents, will begin to whisper.
A child was on a school outing recently without the school
knowing that he had a problem. A very tragic end was avoided
by two quick-thinking teachers, but the incident spoiled an
otherwise pleasant trip. Hence this article.
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