Are you like most girls? It's a typical day — you come
home from school, and (if you're lucky!) your Mom is there to
greet you . . . maybe with some treat or fresh fruit. Then,
there is always someone at home who needs you —
especially if there are little siblings. Perhaps you start
setting the table, talk to your little brother or sister or
maybe relax with a book or game. Supper comes, followed by
some degree of clean up, and then there's homework! Before
you know it, it's time to prepare for the next day and go to
sleep.
What's missing? The lovely sound of the phone ringing —
friends calling to see how you are, do homework or just
schmooze. It seems like that is what most everyone else is
experiencing, but by you, it's just not happening. If you
feel this way, you have more company than you think. And not
just girls — but many women are plagued with the same
feelings. No one calls, no one cares . . . and it isn't
fair!
So let's investigate and analyze this situation. Basically,
there are two parts to this problem. The first seems to be a
fact — perhaps it is — no one is calling. The
second is an assumption — everyone else is getting lots
of calls. Now let's go deeper — is it really true that
no one is calling? Was it always the case? Did you used to
get some calls, but were often quick to get off the phone?
This is really individual, but each of us can do some self-
examination here. 'Was I friendly to each person who ever
called?' 'Did I make an effort to extend the call?' 'If my
classmate called to ask what the homework was, did I suggest
doing it together?' And so on. Perhaps, without realizing it,
you have sent out a 'message' that you are not interested in
getting calls.
Let us assume however, that for now you are simply not
getting calls and it is just depressing. Part of why you may
feel this way brings us to the second part of this problem.
'Everybody else gets calls.' The surprising truth emerges as
the complaints are sounded. Lots of people are feeling the
same way as you. There are not so many people getting lots of
calls. Are there any? Yes, of course. But what's the
situation for most of us? Not too many calls.
Which opens up a world of opportunity. You can make calls!
Yes — you! You can start with classmates — was
anyone absent? Give them a call. Did anyone celebrate a
simchah in their family? Call & wish Mazal Tov. Do you
have information (a sale, a great book to recommend, a
mitzvah opportunity?) Share it!
Speaking of mitzvah opportunities, how about older
relatives? Most of them would love to get a good Shabbos
call. Maybe you (or your family or friends) know some shut-
ins. If you have no time for visits, perhaps you can call,
just to see how they feel. They would love to know that
someone cares. Perhaps you can help someone with a new baby,
or even an older baby. Your neighbor would be thrilled.
This type of activity can also supply you with an `excuse' to
call classmates and include them in your mitzvah
activities. There are always people who need help; the
opportunities are almost endless. Visits to nursing homes,
helping set up for a kiddush, bris or shalom
zocher, helping someone study for a test or do homework .
. . All of these can increase your interaction with your
peers, and you will learn so much in the process! Since you
cannot know where you will end up after marriage, you will
also have taught, or trained yourself how to thrive in a new
community.
Although this may sound like a lot of tiring work, it will
energize and invigorate you — remember, that as you
help others, you will be the first beneficiary of your
largesse (i.e.: when you help others you help yourself the
most!)
Good Luck!
