Re: The story "It's Up to You" in the Feb. 4th issue from a
reader in England.
I am assuming that the story is 1) fiction and that 2) its
purpose is to teach an important lesson that our behavior as
adults does not have to be determined by our childhood
experiences. We have the choice and the power to change the
way we do things.
Having said that, I found it quite a distressing article, as
I am one of those "pale, thin shape(s) on the bed" since I
suffer from CFIDS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). I suffer
endless mental torture about what having a mother with a
chronic invisible illness will do to my children, and reading
a story like the one printed does nothing to dispell my
anxiety.
I have outside help with the cleaning and kind-hearted women
of the community provide some meals for our family. My
children are not physically neglected like the ones in the
story, although my 12-year-old does make scrambled eggs and
salad. But they certainly don't receive the physical or
emotional input that I would like to be able to give them. I
am often unable to attend those school events and I suspect
this causes more pain to me than to the children.
I would like to be able to write an article or two on the
many issues that having a parent with chronic illness gives
rise to — when I have the strength, but in the
meantime, I just wanted to bring the other side to your
readers' attention. Although I assume no offense was
intended, I want to point out that we "pale, thin shapes" did
not become that way by choice, in spite of what some people
say! Also, that often, practical assistance and emotional
support are in short supply.
P.S. I also found the sentence "Her children would never be
neglected, and they would have a healthy mother" very
arrogant. None of us know what life has in store for us. Five
years ago, I would never have imagined that my family would
be in this kind of situation. The character is suggesting
that she has the power to control her own state of health
when, in fact, this is determined by Hashem.
[Your editor replies:]
Dear Anonymous:
Thank you ever so much for summoning up your reserves to
write this letter. It means a lot to us to be able to step
into your `slippers,' to feel how misunderstood is that
unfortunate mother in the fictitious story, or you, in your
case, who are a living, feeling mother.
Perhaps we will have learned a lesson in sensitivity,
empathy, and extending a physical hand to people in your
situation, your `invisible' illness. Sadly enough, there are
others like you who can be found in many neighborhoods and
lack that understanding which you have provided.
I would like to inject a bit of encouragement that you seem
to care so much more than the fictitious woman in the story,
which already puts you in a different category, and your
children less unfortunate than the main character. I am sure
you provide a much warmer, more caring input in your
children's lives than that mother. And while I am at it, I
know of a woman in your situation who was able to perform a
lot of chessed just from her bedside, by making phone
calls and being a source of valuable information for her own
situation.
May I wish you personally and sincerely, and all others like
you, a very speedy and complete recovery! And when it comes,
we will be happy to hear you out fully!
EITZES
Heard this one recently and am passing it on:
For sufferers of ASTHMA, SINUSITUS, STUFFED NOSE etc.: Cut up
an onion and place near the head of the patient overnight. By
morning, the sinus passages will be cleared and breathing
back to normal!
And for those annoying FUNGI ON TOENAILS: The idea is to
smother them, since fungi need air to breathe — they
are plants.
Generously spread vaseline on the feet and cover thoroughly
with cling-wrap before going to bed. Do this for about 4
nights running and you will have killed the fungus. Best
thing is to stay away from sugar during this period, since
fungi also need sugar to thrive.
