Fridays are never long enough, it seems. But now that the
days are beginning to get longer, it is a great opportunity
to consider how those extra minutes can best be utilized.
Before you get ambitious and add an extra dish to your menu
plan, think about it. Twenty years from now, when your
children remember Shabbos in your home, will they recall
exactly how many kugels there were? Probably not.
They will take with them the feeling of Erev
Shabbos in your home. Was it frantic, stressful, tense,
hurried, chaotic? Were they ignored while their parents
bustled about from task to task? Did they feel like they were
in the way? Being ordered around? Or was it a time of joyful
anticipation, pride in accomplishment and family
togetherness?
Though Friday afternoon is only a few hours long, the Erev
Shabbos atmosphere may affect children's attitudes towards
Shabbos and mitzvos in general for years to come -- as
much as the relaxed hours around the Shabbos table.
Imagine you are a small child and you come home from
gan or cheder on Friday afternoon. Your parents
greet you with a smile. The house is filled with delicious
aromas, and happy chassidic music is playing softly in the
background. All Friday afternoon your needs are taken care
of, you are given food and drink as you need it; you are
patiently asked to perform some tasks to help get ready to
greet the Shabbos Queen. Everyone is smiling, working
steadily and joyfully anticipating the coming Shabbos.
Everything is ready early, and when you are bathed and
dressed, you sit down at the kitchen table with the rest of
the family for a small Erev Shabbos snack. Then there is time
to say some Tehillim or read a story before the candles are
lit. Ah, what a joy it is to think of Shabbos. It is
something you look forward to all week, and the word
"Shabbos" brings a smile to your face.
Not every Friday can run so smoothly, but here are some tips
to help you create a memorable Erev Shabbos for your
children.
1. Encourage your children to clean up their rooms on
Thursday afternoon. Young children will enjoy cleaning
their rooms if you let them decorate it for Shabbos once it
is clean. Buy or collect various items like a small white
piece of fabric or lace for covering their desk or table,
little candlesticks, a vase with artificial flowers (or wild
flowers they can pick), a bowl with artificial fruits and a
doll dressed in fancy Shabbos clothes. Send them to clean
their rooms, helping if necessary. When the room is tidy, the
desk is clear, the muktze is away, and all is ready,
take out the box of decorations and let them arrange the
items as they wish, creating their own special room
lekovod Shabbos.
Older children will clean up their rooms more willingly on
Thursday afternoon if you let them help with more interesting
jobs like baking cookies Thursday night - - once the room is
clean and any other standard chores are completed.
While you are in the bedrooms, check that all the Shabbos
clothes are ready.
2. Make lists of any jobs you can do Thursday or earlier
and leave as little as possible for Friday. Sometimes it
is worth staying up a little later on Thursday night to
finish something in a relaxed way, rather than to leave it
for Friday and wake up in the morning feeling overwhelmed by
all you need to accomplish before candlelighting. Doing lots
of work may be tiring, but seeing lots of undone work is far
more draining and daunting. How about doing an extra five
minutes of work Thursday night and using that five minutes on
Friday afternoon to go outside for a breath of fresh air to
sit on a park bench in the sun?
3. Delegate jobs to the children in a way that makes them
feel appreciated. Patiently explain to them what you
expect and when each job must be done. Take their abilities
and interests into account and praise liberally.
4. For Friday lunch, try to prepare something that is both
easy and popular with your children. Well-fed children
are in a better mood, which will make everything much easier
and enjoyable for everyone. My children all like mini- pizzas
made on pita bread. By serving that every Erev Shabbos, I
avoid having to deliberate about what to make and the
children know what to expect (one of their favorites), eat
well, and don't complain of hunger most of Friday
afternoon.
5. Bathtime If you are blessed with many children,
consider dividing up the baths, some on Thursday night, some
Friday morning and some Friday afternoon. You can pair
responsible older children up with younger ones to help with
bathing and dressing.
6. Try to have everything finished early, so you can set
up the hotplate early. During the most hectic part of
the afternoon, while you are finishing the food and setting
up the hotplate, plan an activity to keep the youngest
children occupied. You can have them listen to an educational
tape, have them color pictures, play with special Erev
Shabbos toys, fold napkins, or ask an older child to play
with them or read to them till things are mostly ready.
Weather permitting, they can be encouraged to take a walk or
play in a nearby playground with proper supervision by an
older sibling, giving you a chance to concentrate totally on
what you are doing, while they get some exercise outside.
7. Snacktime Encourage children to cooperate with
baths, dressing and other Erev Shabbos chores and activities
by having a special Erev Shabbos snack time in the kitchen
once the hotplate is set up, the dining table is set and
everyone is dressed and ready. Serve drinks and popcorn,
burekas or some other food your children consider special.
I like to serve something that is filling enough to satisfy
children till the men return from shul and we make
Kiddush, but not too filling to take away from their
anticipation of the Shabbos meal. Not only does it prevent
crankiness in waiting for the Shabbos meal, especially in the
summer, but it provides a special warm feeling of family
togetherness before we usher in the Shabbos. This is a great
time to give all family members what Rabbi Noach Orlewick
refers to as the Triple A -- Attention, Appreciation and
Affection (see his book Raising Roses Among the
Thorns).
8. While you are tuned in to your childrens' needs on Erev
Shabbos, don't forget your own -- physical and spiritual.
Make sure you eat and drink properly and take five minute
breaks here and there to recharge. Play uplifting music.
Listen to inspiring tapes. Pray for Heavenly assistance.
Give your children special Erev Shabbos hugs and kisses. And
SMILE -- Shabbos is coming!!!
