Just because we spend the days in blessed proximity doesn't
necessarily mean that we appreciate the uniqueness of our
relationships. Although we spend much time far from other
less immediate family members, obviously the love we share
with them is not so weighty as to cause us to move to their
communities. Earning a livelihood and raising children seemed
to be more important features in deciding where to base our
domicile.
And yet, after years of neglecting relationships, we find
ourselves confronting lovable siblings and wondering why and
when we decided that we could do well enough without them.
For a brief weekend, we enjoyed each other's company and we
reveled in memories of a childhood shared. How marvelous it
was to relive those lovely moments and retell the tales which
so prominently figured in our coming of age and our emotional
development. No, one was interested in playing power games.
Not one of us was vying for attention. We were all delighted
to sit together and enjoy this gift of closeness. Some of us
begged pardon for breaches of tact which were committed in
the distant past. How swift and complete that pardon was in
coming.
When finally the moment for parting arrived, we found
ourselves quite inept at bearing the thought of perhaps
another seventeen-year vacation from each other. When life is
fresh, one is sure the Grim Reaper will do without us for at
least another forty years. When we've traversed fifty, we're
uncertain what the morrow will bring.
As I can't predict when that might be, or if it will indeed
happen, the parting moment becomes heavier, weightier and
more difficult to bear.
Why was it harder to say good-bye to them than it was to say
good-bye to my own children and my husband before the trip?
Why should my farewell have moved me more now, directed as it
was toward my siblings, without whom I have survived these
thirty years of my marriage? Why was I not more upset to
leave my daily pattern and rove out into the wide world, to
participate in an endeavor which would try my ability to
survive, both physically and spiritually for three weeks?
I guess it is because I have taken for granted that my
everyday life and my immediate family will surely be here
when I return from the trip and will continue to be here ad
infinitum. However, many things could happen in the ensuing
months and years which might prevent another such happy
reunion with my so distant siblings.
We have known losses. This causes us to pause and contemplate
whether our reassuring assumptions are accurate. My immediate
family might find itself modified in the future. How soon? We
can never know. Therefore, I realized that my nonchalance is
saying good-bye to my sons, daughter and husband was not in
order.
These farewells should also have been accompanied by sighs,
groans, hugs, kisses, and that sinking feeling of, "When will
we meet again?" I did choose to link my everyday experiences
with them. I did choose to be responsbile for their well-
being and daily care. I would be thoroughly shaken were our
proximity compromised by some quirk of fate or history. May
it never happen!
May we learn to appreciate the life that we so dedicatedly
built together. May we enjoy watching each other enjoy each
other. May ours be a family which loves to spend time
together and dreads every parting... no matter how brief!
