It is a common fallacy to regard waiting and anticipation in
a negative light. In this day and age, we have come to expect
instant gratification, instant results, instant everything!
Hurry, impatience, petulance are all part of our daily lives.
Conversely, this is a contradiction to our way of life which
is governed by rules which demand patience and self control.
We have to abstain from eating before davening or
before kiddush; we need to wait several hours for a
cup of coffee after a meat meal, to give just three small
examples. Then there are those rules which apply to the land,
such as waiting for four years before being able to use fruit
from a tree which we have planted with our own hands. Parents
who succeed in instilling the importance of patience and self
control into the minds of their children are giving them a
great start both in their daily lives and their spiritual
being.
Very small children do not know the meaning of patience and
self control. Babies cry for food and want it NOW. Slightly
older children want to say something and have to say it
immediately, oblivious to the fact that they may be
interrupting a conversaton. This does not show lack of
manners; they have to tell Mommy something RIGHT NOW.
As children mature, they begin to understand that five
minutes is not eternity, and that their legitimate demands
will be met within a reasonably short time. They learn the
concepts of time: `in a minute', `soon', `tomorrow', `after
Shabbos' or `next week' and with help, will learn to wait.
Particularly in large families, a child will have to learn
sooner or later that Mommy has other people to care for
besides him, and will see to his needs as soon as possible.
When Mommy serves dinner for the whole family, he can see
that it is humanly impossible to dish out twelve portions at
exactly the same time. Similarly, when Daddy distributes the
challa, the child will get used to the idea that there
are many children sitting in silence, all waiting to be
served.
Some children do not find it too difficult to wait, whereas
others are terribly impatient by nature. Some babies wake up
and play happily in their cribs for a while. Others, even in
the same family, wake up with a roar of protest as if to say,
"Why am I alone and where is my milk?" While patience and
lack of it seem to be inborn traits, as with all other
middos one can channel them to be positive attributes.
A girl who was by nature quite impatient was determined to
become an excellent violin player. She practiced repeatedly
between lessons, in spite of the protests of her suffering
family, in order to perfect each piece. Impatience does not
have to be accompanied by lack of perseverance; they are two
distinct traits.
Mothers report that when they draw up charts for their
children, with the promise of a prize to the child who gains
the most points, some children will cajole and nag non-stop
to know what the prize will be and reiterate constantly that
they cannot possibly wait. This irritates the mother to such
an extent that she determines to obviate all future
anticipation. This is a mistaken idea.
Anticipation should be a positive part of life. All the
preparations for a forthcoming Yom Tov, discussing it and
looking forward to it, are an integral part of the festival
itself. When a child pesters that he cannot possibly wait for
something, deal with it in any way you see fit, but don't
deprive him of the discipline and also of the joy of
waiting.
Incidentally, one can always say, "Please don't keep
repeating that phrase. It irritates me," and then praise him
for his patience. Slowly, imperceptably, as he matures, the
child will learn the lesson of patience and self control.
Films are developed while we wait, spray removes stains from
a garment instantly, we can buy instant mashed potatoes,
amongst many other instant foods. Shoes are repaired while we
wait. All these things are conducive to becoming habitually
impatient.
People who try to jump the queue must realize that their
fellow sufferers are also impatient. They also have excellent
reasons for wanting to pay first at the checkout, or having
to see the doctor before anyone else. Parents are impatient
for their babies to mature. Fathers pressure their little
boys to learn to read at a very early age because they are
impatient for them to start early on the rung to
`learning.'
We have been waiting for Moshiach day after day, week after
week, month after month... century after century. In the
World to Come we will be asked whether we really awaited him,
not whether we were physically alive when he finally came.
All things come to those who wait, and patience definitely is
a virtue in most instances.
