"What did you say to Ora last night when you spoke to her
that made her so ecstatic when she came to school this
morning?" one teacher asked Miri, the homeroom teacher.
"I didn't tell her anything; I just listened. Her background
is unusually difficult and she has very real problems. Just
at the end, I remarked that I thought it was amazing how she
coped with everything and didn't go out of her mind."
"You have no idea what a difference you've made in her
attitude to work, to her approach to others."
*
Mrs. Stern, a widow of about sixty, came to wish her neighbor
Leah "Mazel Tov" for her daughter's engagement. "She was her
nanny," said Leah as she introduced her to the future mother-
in-law. "You should have seen with what devotion she looked
after our kalla Chani from the age of three
months."
"I'm pleased to meet you," smiled the mechutenes.
"Actually, you could have made your first inquiries about her
from Mrs. Stern," smiled Leah. "Then you would have realized
why she is so beautifully brought up."
"Oh, you're exaggerating!" Mrs. Stern smiled
uncomfortably.
"Not at all! Everyone knows how important this stage of early
education is!"
Mrs. Stern had practically forgotten that she had ever looked
after Chani, but as she went home, for some reason, there was
a spring in her step. True, almost twenty years had gone by
since then, but somehow, she felt younger. She felt she had
done something in life. Chani wasn't the only baby she had
cared for.
*
A delicious smell of fresh vegetable soup wafted towards
Nechama as she passed the neighbors on her way home from
work. To her surprise, her own front door was open and her
fourteen-year-old daughter was cooking. "We were let out of
school early and I decided to make a soup," said Rivky
apologetically.
"How did you know what to do?"
"It was nothing special. My friend gave me the recipe."
"Nothing special?" exclaimed her mother, tasting a spoonful.
"You'd pay a fortune for such a soup in a high class
restaurant. As I came up the stairs, I was almost jealous of
the neighbor who had made such a delectable smelling soup for
lunch. I was wishing it was my house that smelled like that.
You'll be a marvelous housewife one day."
Ever since those compliments, Rivky has surprised her mother
repeatedly.
*
People are prepared to invest a good deal in a proposition
which is going to pay off. The more profit they are going to
make, the more risks they are prepared to take. Yet in the
matter of putting in a kind word, which really costs nothing,
we seem to have a gag on our mouths. Everyone needs a word of
praise now and then, and there is some good thing one can
find to say to everyone.
A sincere compliment can work wonders, not only for someone
who is depressed. A friendly word to the janitor cleaning the
steps can almost set him dancing with the broom! Apart from
the praise, you are showing the man that you appreciate him
and his work. A bored security guard will feel rejuvenated if
you praise him for his patience, or punctuality etc.
Unfortunately, compliments are often reserved for those who
are going to do something for us. A fellow once rang his
benefactor to thank him for what he had done for him a while
before. "And what do you want this time?" asked the
philanthropist.
"How did you know that I wanted something..."
*
A true kind word does not expect something in return. It is a
great feeling knowing that you have changed the mood of
someone and made him feel good. A sad person can be made
happy, a lazy child can be inspired to work hard, a few words
can build a person's positive self image forever. Some people
have even returned to the fold because of a few sincere kind
words.
Sincerity is vital. There is no point in praising the cleaner
for his exalted work. But one can remark on the fact that the
place looks quite different when he has finished with it and
this is the truth.
The teacher who complimented Ora did not stray from the
truth, nor did she flatter her. When she praised the girl for
coping so well, Ora suddenly felt that she really was coping,
in spite of all the hardships. The mother's words of praise
for the daughter's culinary efforts may continue to ring in
her ears in years to come when she has her own house to
run.
If kind words can do so much outside the house, how much more
should they be used at home. Unfortunately, in the place
where it is most needed, we seem to use them very sparsely.
It sounds quite different if a mother says, "I hate
disturbing you while you are engrossed in a good book, but I
am short of a few things and you are really the best shopper
in the family. Besides, the stores are closing soon," than if
she says, "Can't you offer some help instead of reading all
the time?" Or, "I know that you appreciate Torah study so
could you occupy the little ones quietly in their room for a
while so that I can concentrate on this gemora," and
not, "How can I learn if you let the kids make such a
racket?"
Kind words oil the wheels of life and make our existence run
more smoothly, so why are we so stingy in their use?
