Desire for Peace
Yaakov's attempt, recounted at the beginning of the
parsha, to achieve reconciliation with his wicked twin
brother, contains many lessons about dealing with difficult,
harrowing dilemmas such as we are often faced with.
Background
Eisov had waited 22 years to kill his brother, Yaakov.
Although the bechor as a role in avodas Hashem
was meaningless to him and he was only too happy to sell it
to his brother in return for a meal, Esav later came to hate
his brother when he realized that Yitzchok wanted to give him
the bechor and the blessing that goes with it and
Yaakov had obtained it by what he regarded as deceit.
Eisov was living in the field of Edom and Yaakov had run off
to Lovon in Padam-aram. But Yaakov did not intend to stay
there as a fugitive in permanent hiding. Moreover, he was
aware that if Hashem places a person squarely in a dilemma,
He does not ask him to evade the dilemma but to find the
solution to resolve the dilemma. During his time with Lovon,
Yaakov was actually waiting for the right moment to meet his
brother, talk to him and remove his resentment. This explains
his apparently needless journey to meet his brother.
At the same time, he was aware that Eisov might not co-
operate in the "peace." This did not dismay him. He was ready
to deal with all contingencies if the peace talks failed. We
shall see that first reports of Eisov's attitude which Yaakov
received en route were that he still wanted to kill
him. This caused Yaakov fear, but it did not compromise his
decision to face the dilemma and see it through.
Not Running Away
Some while ago, an avreich approached one of the
gedolei dayanim in Bnei Brak and told him that he had
gotten into a heavy argument with a certain group of people,
and they were planning to sue him for his home and everything
he had. Since he was a citizen of England, he thought the
best thing to do was get on the next plane back. The rov
replied: "Nothing will come of running away."
Beginning of His Strategy
Yaakov's first tactic in trying to secure peace with Eisov
was to send messengers. Meforshim tell us that he
chose angels in order to frighten Eisov by revealing to him
that he had supernatural weaponry.
In a different approach, Be'er Mayim Chaim tells us
that Yaakov's use of angels was to copy the ways of Hashem in
dealing with the wicked. Mishlei (20:21) states: "The
prize is obtained quickly and its end has no blessing."
Hashem gives the wicked prize after prize -- for example, the
conquest of country after country -- giving them more and
more power -- and just at the moment when their position
seems supreme, He brings them crashing down.
The reason for their fall is their drunken self- conviction.
This leads them to foolishly overextend themselves and
endanger their position till they are destroyed. This we see
in Haman, and in many of the great dictators and ruthless
careerists of history.
When Yaakov sent angels and told them to address Eisov with
extreme reverence, "My lord . . . your servant," his tactic
was to promote Eisov's vanity and this would lead him to make
fatal mistakes.
The Attitude of the Tzaddik and the Rosho to Gains in
Life
Yaakov himself took the Jewish attitude to the gifts of life:
"I have become small from all the kindnesses" (32:11).
Receiving kindnesses -- a substantial amount of money, a good
shidduch, etc. -- should increase humility and
gratitude to Hashem. A man should give charity as a means of
saying "Thank you." This feeling of added smallness before
Hashem increases Hashem's presence in one's life, bringing
further blessing, whereas the pride of the wicked drives
Hashem out and brings their fall.
Resort to Subtlety
The angels whom Yaakov dispatched found Eisov on his way to
Yaakov. Sefer Hayoshor holds that Lovon sent word to
Eisov in Seir that Yaakov had abandoned his estate after
robbing him right and left and now was an opportunity to kill
him.
What is remarkable is that verses 5 and 6 (perek 32)
describe in detail what Yaakov told the angels to tell Eisov.
The next verse (7), seemingly disjointedly, simply states,
"We came to your brother, to Eisov. And also he is coming
towards you and there are four hundred men with him." There
is no mention of any parley with Eisov. Chok LeYisroel
believes that Yaakov had instructed them not to talk with
Eisov if they saw he was on the way.
But a simple interpretation of verses 5-7 suggests the angels
refrained from talking to Eisov because they saw he was on
the warpath and, as Chazal tells us (Ovos, 4:18),
"Don't appease your friend when he is angry."
Here we see Yaakov did not give up on his hopes for "peace"
and sent presents. The presents would speak for themselves.
Human speech would be counterproductive.
This often applies. When a creditor in a dispute with his
debtor fails to persuade him to come to a settlement over
money owed, he often has recourse to legal action in beis
din. When the debtor receives beis din's summons
and realizes he may be in for bigger demands as well as
costs, he returns to the negotiating table.
The story is told of the king who made an annual tour of the
countries of his empire. One year, he arrived in a remote
village. The children knew nothing of the king, knew nothing
even of the importance of a king. One boy threw a rock at the
king for a joke. The guards seized the boy wanting to beat
him to death. The king ordered them to leave him. "The
child's only a village boy," he reasoned. "But he has to be
taught."
What did the king do? He placed the child in a good school,
then took him into the royal army and advanced him though the
ranks. All the time the child heard nothing else but talk of
the majesty, grace and enlightenment of the king. The school,
the army, the prosperity of the country were all due to the
king. He started to think of what he had done, and how little
he understood of life. Eventually, the child was appointed
king's minister. Now his glee over throwing the rock
transformed into permanent remorse: the king is always so
kind to me; and as a child, I threw a rock at him. How can I
ever repent for this?
Such is the lesson in this section of Yaakov in
communication. Finding the right method for the situation.
Determination and Alternative Action
The angels' message to Yaakov that Eisov was coming towards
him with a small army made him afraid. But he did not panic.
Herein is Yaakov's gevurah. Fear is natural; but the
challenge at this moment is to trust Hashem that if I follow
rational tactics despite my fear, Hashem may yet save me. So
Yaakov did not give up on "the peace" with Eisov: his duty
was to pursue peace and the result would be Hashem's
decision.
He resorted to "presents, prayer and war." The presents were
to soften up Eisov. His praying speaks for itself. Then he
divided his camp into two to prepare for war.
Secret of Survival
Now the verse tells us a secret of survival. "If Eisov comes
to the one camp and strikes it, the remaining camp will
survive." Yaakov does not call his second camp "the second
camp" as he calls the first camp, "the one [or first] camp."
He calls it the "remaining" camp. We see that Yaakov
eliminates the "oneness," the "I." So long as I realize I am
merely "remaining" and not "I," in other words that I am
dependent on Hashem totally, all my own doings are merely
token -- I will survive.
An avreich once consulted the Klausenberger Rebbe. He
told him that he studies half a day and works half a day, but
he does not earn enough money and he has decided to work the
whole day and stop studying. The Rebbe told him: "Survival is
the decree of Hashem yisborach. It's not yours. If you
give up on Torah completely, why should Hashem help you? On
the contrary, if you want to help yourself, you'll see what
will happen."
Salvation from Another Source
In the end Rashi (33:8) tells us that it was the angels who
secured the peace. Yaakov's angels started pushing Eisov and
his men around. "Who are you?" the angels asked Eisov's men.
"We're Eisov's men," they replied. The angels responded "Oh
really?!" and started beating them. Eisov's men cried out,
"But Eisov is Yitzchok's son." The mention of Yitzchok did
not stop the beating. Then they cried out, "Eisov is the
grandson of Avrohom." This also did not help. Finally, they
ceded, "Eisov is Yaakov's brother." Eisov's men recognized
the supremacy of Yaakov and the angels stopped.
This was of course an act of Hashem. Here too is a lesson in
hishtadlus. So often we resort to the correct method
to solve a problem, but produce no results. But immediately
after the attempt fails, success comes from another
source.
Once a friend wanted to hire a chavrusa for a low
price and also wanted to study a particular inyan not
known to all. He advertised in Yated Ne'eman. Fifty
people phoned; but nothing came of all these applicants.
After he had exhausted himself speaking to them all, he spoke
about his frustration to a neighbor. The neighbor immediately
responded by giving him the phone number of a contact. He
rang this contact, came to an agreement with him and they are
still together to this day.
Following a correct plan of action to deal with dilemmas is
what Hashem asks of us. If we do this, Hashem is pleased; and
His reward may be to reveal almost directly that He was the
cause of the person's dilemma; that He Yisborach
appreciated the fact that the person accepted that Heaven had
given him a duty to deal with his problem and not evade it;
and finally the reward of the revelation that Hashem provides
solutions to problems. Hishtadlus is an issue in
itself.
If hishtadlus and results are really two separate
issues, this is all the more reason for us to realize that
running away from problems will not help.
