Jews are a driven people, in so many senses of the word. They
are the top percentile of achievers wherever they are. The
question we must ask ourselves again and again: What are we
driving for? Where are we headed? For what purpose shall we
use our talents?
Dear Mom,
It was lovely having you here with us. Of course, your trips
are never long enough for the kids or Yosef and me, but we
appreciate every moment with you.
Surely you recall our conversation on your last day here when
the children were playing on the floor in front of us, as we
took a rare opportunity to have a heart-to-heart talk, amidst
the occasional interruption from your adorable grandchildren.
Well, I've been mulling that conversation over in my head and
thought maybe the words would make more sense as I form them
on paper.
As a full professor in the social sciences, you find it hard
to accept that your daughter has chosen a way that seems so
different from what you had envisioned. It's not really that
you don't accept it, because you are very good about allowing
us to make our own decisions and you respect them. It seems
to me that you have accepted it, but believe that I could
have done so much more with my talents. You feel that I am
not developing my mind, that I could achieve more. You know
that I am happy this way, yet...
Please, Mom, allow me to explain why I am happy this
way.
The early feminist movement brought hope and relief to the
Western world, a world in which women were sometimes
oppressed, often disrespected. Now the chance had come for
women to break off the so-called shackles that entrapped
them. Finally, we could be lawyers, engineers etc. I remember
that book you bought for me when I was around three or four.
I think it was called, I Can Be. I opened one page to
see a cute little girl dressed up like a doctor with words at
the top, "I can be a doctor." Turn the page. There she is
dressed up as a basketball player. "I can be a basketball
player." Maybe I don't have the occupations exactly right [I
don't seem to think there are professional women's teams] but
the point stayed with me. "You can do anything that boys can
do."
While I agree that women can succeed in most professions that
men traditionally occupy, one thing always bothered me about
that book. I always felt that it was demanding me to be
something that I wasn't. Even as a small child, I wanted to
be a Mommy. Maybe also a teacher or nurse (that was after my
ballerina phase), but trying to be a boy was not one of my
aspirations.
Since my greater attachment to Judaism, I can't say I know
everything going on in feminism these days. But from what I
understand, today's feminists no longer say, "You can do
anything that boys can do." Now they say, "You can be the
best woman you can be, and that is just as good as a man
being the best he can be." Well, this makes sense to me. In
fact, Judaism has said this all along. The woman's role was
always considered different from the man's role, but equally
important.
So, Mom, this is what my life is about: Being the best Jewish
woman that I can be. I agree that developing one's mind is
important. But the mind is only a vessel for improving the
person. I am trying to use my mind to help me refine my
character. I want to use my mind to become a kinder, more
gentle, loving, giving person, as well as more assertive when
necessary. In caring for my husband, children, neighbors and
community, I hope to become the best `me' that I can, as well
as affect others to reach their full potential. To do so
requires tremendous cerebral work, as well as emotional and
spiritual efforts.
To me, nothing is more rewarding than seeing a slight
improvement in myself. Wow! I kept my mouth closed when the
saleswoman insulted me. Hey, look at that, I stayed patient
but firm when Shmuely asked me 15 times to buy the latest in
belt designs. Well, maybe one thing is more rewarding. When I
heard Shmuely patiently answering his little brother who
asked him the same question 15 times. Or when Miri,
unprompted, apologized to Racheli for accidently hurting her
feelings. I hear my voice in them. This is the product of my
labor, with G-d's help, of course.
Don't worry, Mom. My mind is not turning to mush. Maybe my
algebra is a litle rusty, but to achieve what I want to in
life takes continuous learning [and I am learning!], thought,
and analysis, which I try to do.
I hope that you have a slightly better insight into why I am
so happy in my life. And Mom, you should know that my desire
for achievement and progess, even if it seems unlike what you
would have hoped for me, actually comes from you. My high
sights, my determination, my drive are what you instilled in
me, the example you set for me. And for that, dear Mom, and
for so, so much more, I thank you.
With all my love,
Shoshana
