In his popular work, Listen to Your Messages, Rabbi
Yissochor Frand encourages us to integrate within our lives
the seemingly unimportant small things we see and hear each
day. Each of the incidents we encounter is a message to us
and we can choose to listen and learn, or to ignore what we
are experiencing.
On a busy weekday, at lunch, one of my sons spilled ketchup
on a favorite shirt and asked me to try to remove the
unsightly red mark. As I walked to the laundry porch, shirt
in hand, I could not help thinking that my day was over-
programmed already and that I could only spend a few minutes
at most on my attempts at damage control, vis-a-vis the
garment I was holding.
In my mind, I was reviewing the list of errands that had to
be attended to that afternoon. I rushed to the shelf where I
keep my laundry products and took down a powerful stain
remover that I had not used in quite a while.
I keep this for emergencies. Although it is expensive, it is
a heavy-duty product that can take care of many common stains
in just one washing. Before using the stain stick, I thought
it best to read the directions. "Push up just the amount
needed. Do not over-extend." Now there was a message if I
ever saw one.
DO NOT OVER-EXTEND.
My life was over-extended to the max. And so were the lives
of many of my friends. The obvious answer seemed to be to
simplify things by sticking to the necessary tasks at home
and work and cutting down on activities elsewhere.
However, by eliminating community activism, leisure and
sports/exercise pursuits, library, evenings out, window-
shopping excursions and those other occasional things that
are the spice of life, one is left with a very dull schedule
indeed. There had to be another answer and, after much
thought, I believe I've found it.
*
Before I reveal my brainstorm, a little background is in
order. A few years ago, I took a class for homemakers, based
on Sarah Glaser's excellent book, LIFESAVER.
The point of the class was time management for the housewife.
We spent two weeks timing our activities and then another
week making up schedules. We learned to fit our tasks into
time slots and to leave spaces for emergencies.
The most important thing I got from the class was that by
doing our jobs more efficiently, we can reward ourselves with
a couple of hours each week to pursue the activities we like
the most. Whether it is reading a magazine, sewing a dress or
writing a poem, an hour spent on leisure time can invigorate
a busy wife and mother and make her life more interesting and
enjoyable.
It hit me that by using her time at home more efficiently, an
overworked wife / mother / homemaker / teacher could free up
time to drive seniors to the hospital, visit shut-ins, help
out at a clothing gemach and do lots of other out-of-
the-house things that give her spiritual satisfaction.
Let us take, for example, a hypothetical young woman named
Mindy. Her life looks like a roller coaster ride - - she is
constantly going from crisis to crisis. When it comes to
people outside the family, however, she doesn't seem to know
the word, "No."
"Can you bake some cookies for the school tea?"
"Sure, no problem."
"Are you available to say Tehillim this afternoon at
three?"
"I'll be there."
But -- and this is a big but -- it is not uncommon for her to
just about bite the head off any family member who dares to
ask her to do just ONE more thing that particular day, week,
or sometimes even that month.
"No, I can't drop everything and a) take your suit to the
cleaners, b) stop off at the post office, c) wait in line at
the bank for 25 minutes, d) sew on some buttons or e) all of
the above."
Her reply to a request that she help find a mislaid pair of
glasses is likely to be, "Can't you see I'm busy? I'm not
your maid!"
Now don't get me wrong. By nature, Mindy is not a nasty
person. However, ten years of sleep deprivation can take
their toll on the best of us. What she needs most is to put
on the brakes and to put limits on an overloaded schedule. In
other words, DO NOT OVER- EXTEND.
But crossing off activities outside the house will not solve
things for Mindy. She is proud to tell you that she is the
one person everyone can count on for help. That is a big part
of her; it is her identity. The crisis-to-crisis pattern
comes of having the community call on her when there is just
no time available, so she squeezes in a ride for a
handicapped person, a morning at the bake sale and an
afternoon at the old age home, where there aren't really any
holes in her schedule. Sooner or later, it comes down to a
matter of survival: hers and her marriage's.
Suppose some helpful souls could follow Mindy around for a
week and give her suggestions.
"Mindy," they might ask, "what are you doing right now?"
"Baking brownies for Shabbos."
"Tell me the steps in your recipe."
"Sure. First I have to melt the chocolate in a double boiler,
stirring the whole time so it doesn't overcook. Then I have
to cream the margarine and sugar..."
"Aha! Try this recipe instead. Melt two squares of chocolate
and a stick of margarine together in a saucepan. Remove from
heat. In the same pot, stir in sugar, then eggs, followed by
the dry ingredients. Beat 50 strokes and pour into pan."
Let's see how much time Mindy can save here. First, she
doesn't have to set up and dismantle her mixer. Next, she
doesn't have anything to wash up except one pan and one spoon
and perhaps a spatula. No beaters, double boiler, mixing
bowl. This is really a "piece of cake."
What are some of the other ideas she might learn from her
supervising angels?
Keep cleaning products in locked cabinets near their point of
use.
It is silly to keep the toilet cleaner, scouring powder and
bleach in the laundry room when you know that you will be
using them in the bathroom. Have doubles of whatever you need
wherever you need it. Put a lock on the cabinet under the
bathroom sink and stow the cleaners, rags, sponges and paper
towels right there.
When folding the laundry, pack a day's worth of clothing for
each child in a paper bag and place it in his/her drawer.
That means rolling together a set of underwear, pair of
socks/tights, and placing that inside a shirt and trousers or
skirt and blouse, and then rolling the whole collection up
together so it doesn't wrinkle. You can do as many outfits as
you want, but you should have a minimum of one.
That way, if your child slips in a puddle on the way home for
lunch and has to change from head to toe right at the exact
moment that you are timing the beating of the frosting for
your most elaborate dessert, you can just smile sweetly and
tell her to go get the outfit-in- a-bag from her drawer and
change herself.
It will also facilitate packing for overnight sleepovers at
friends or relatives.
ORGANIZE YOUR LINEN CLOSET. Why have individual piles of
sheets, pillowcases, towels and washcloths when you can
coordinate sets with top and bottom sheet wrapped around by a
lengthwise folded pillowcase, clearly visible? Similarly,
pairs of bathtowels, face towels and washcloths for the guest
room could be placed together.
Some people do the organizing before they do the wash. They
safety-pin pairs of children's SOCKS to each other as they
are loading the washing machine and then they have only to
remove the pin and roll the socks together when they are
dry.
A survey taken in America a few years ago proved that the
average family has half a dozen dinner menus that they rotate
and that many people serve the same fish fillets every
Monday, the same vegetable stew each Tuesday and so on. If
your family does that, then your shopping list looks much the
same, week after week. Therefore: MAKE A PHOTOCOPY OF YOUR
STANDARD SHOPPING LIST FOR EACH WEEK.
Taking the basic list, crossing out what you already have and
adding the few extras is much less time- consuming than
writing out a fresh shopping list from scratch each week.
Leave a small pad on the fridge to note non-food items you
need to buy, such as crayons, stockings, elastic, or a lunch
bag for your child.
If you have a twelve-and-a-half-year-old son, or your friends
have sons that age, make one trip to the seforim store
and stock up on lots of bar mitzva gifts. Have them wrapped
and note on the outside the name of the sefer inside
the package.
More ideas: In a house that has two or more levels, keep an
attractive basket near the stairs on each floor. If something
has to go to another floor, deposit in the appropriate
basket. Then teach the other members of the family this
simple rule: "Don't go up or down empty-handed." If you are
going up, take the folded towels. If you are coming down,
bring the dirty wash, etc. Similarly, if you're going OUT,
take the garbage!
And while we are at it, there are lots of other
responsibilites that can be delegated to others. In years
gone by, children were brought up doing chores, whether on
the farm or in the house. A six-year-old can wash the dishes
and a five-year-old can fold clothes, but only if we teach
them how -- and praise them generously and appreciatively.
Take a little time to work with the children and you will be
able to count on their help for more things than you
imagined. Who says that the extra energy of youth has to go
exclusively towards jumping rope and playing ball?
One organized mother of a large brood designates one of their
teenage daughters to prepare the main course of the Friday
night meal each week. At the table, Mom compliments the chef-
of-the-week on her chicken, kugel and vegetable casserole and
everyone at the table chimes in. [Dessert can be delegated to
another child, even a boy, who might enjoy cutting up melon
balls etc. Give them a free hand and let them surprise you!]
This mother davens mincha, says Tehillim and comes to
the table to light her candles dressed as a queen. Her
daughters are very proud to know that it is their help that
enables serenity to reign in their home at that crucial
candlelighting time. Of course, it is an added plus that the
daughters start their own marriages as confident,
accomplished cooks. By knowing our own limitations, or more
precisely, our time limitations, and by being consciously
aware of what we are doing and how, we can take shortcuts as
we go from activity to activity. That will leave quality time
for extras in our busy lives.
