Part I
Homemade books are a creative and fun way to address
children's daily challenges and emotional needs in a
nonjudgmental way. Parent-made books can help give children a
sense of acceptance and understanding which they formerly
lacked. Robert Zeigler, author of Homemade Books to Help
Kids Cope, advocates three types of books to help
children: books to describe a situation, books to define
feelings and books to make an empathic statement.
Books that describe a situation help to prepare children for
change by presenting the facts in a very straightforward
fashion and by providing as much detail as is necessary. A
new life situation or change in the family can be presented
in this type of a book. Such a book describes a child's daily
activities as well as his feelings regarding the changes in
his life.
A child who is able to review what is expected of him
repeatedly will be able to absorb change more readily since
children need a lot of repetition to adapt to change.
Furthermore, he will feel a tremendous relief and an increase
in self-understanding when his feelings are labeled and
described in a nonjudgmental way.
Sometimes children do not understand their own feelings and
become locked in negative behaviors as a result. With
understanding and acceptance, they can often move ahead to
more constructive behaviors and gain acceptance of the
changes in their lives. A few examples of books that deal
with situations are books that describe: a young child's
daily schedule from morning to evening, a new school, a new
baby in the family, a sick parent (chas v'sholom), a
move or a parent going to work.
Books that make an empathetic statement are designed mainly
to show the child he is understood. A parent who writes a
book to communicate empathy to his child is creating a strong
connection with the child. The child's feelings are accepted
in a nonjudgmental way. As the parent thinks through what he
is going to write, he gains some emotional distance from the
child's challenging behavior and focuses on the child's
feelings instead.
For example, a parent might have a very difficult time
focusing on a child's feelings when that child is repeatedly
attacking a young sibling physically. The assailant may, in
fact, be experiencing challenges that need to be addressed in
order to help him stop his negative behavior patterns.
A story can help the child gain self-awareness and can
help to open a parent-child dialogue. While reading a
parent-created book to a child, a parent gives the child
undivided attention and involvement. This may be just what he
needs to make a change. Empathetic stories can portray
acceptance of feelings without acceepting negative actions.
For example, a story may discuss how angry a child feels when
his brother takes something of his but then go on to explain
that when the child hits his brother, he gets punished and
that makes him even more angry. Negative outcomes such as
punishment should only be mentioned briefly and the child's
feelings about them should be stated.
A second story could be created in which possible solutions
to the problem are mentioned. The ending to a story of a
child who is angry at his siblings may be one in which he
finds a way to express his frustration such as hitting a
pillow or jumping on a mini- trampoline.
A child who is experiencing social difficulty can receive
a book which combines empathy with a description of what is
expected of him. Some children don't understand social
rules and a book can help to clarify them. A book can
describe how alone the child feels when he has no one to play
with. A parent who knows the root of his child's social
problem can use the information in the book.
For instance, if the child has a hard time sharing, the book
may read:
"Sometimes it is very hard to share things that you really
want. When I don't share, sometimes the other children get
angry and don't want to play with me. Then I feel even more
sad. Sometimes I overcome my feelings and I share. Then I
feel very proud of myself and the other children are
happy."
It is very important to describe the child's struggle in an
empathetic and nonjudgmental way. The stories' ending should
always be optimistic and allow the child to see past
successes and future opportunities for social success.
Homemade books can be used to address a wide variety of
subjects. A few examples are nightmares, illness and
hospitalization, anger and frustration, fear of separation,
social and school problems, difficulties at home,
difficulties of a member of the family, the loss of a
relative. If a situation is threatening to a child, a book
can be written about an animal or any other character that
the child finds interesting. The child will be able to
identify with the character and project his feelings and
concerns onto him. For a very young child, a story can be
written about the child's doll and the child can be
encouraged to explain things "to the doll" and to discuss
issues with and comfort him.
Below is the first example of a homemade story.
This is a descriptive story to help a child who is having
difficulty adapting to kindergarten. It is descriptive and
also defines feelings and empathizes with the child's
struggles.
A NEW SCHOOL
I am three years old now and I am very big. I don't wear
diapers like Yoni. I can walk and talk and play and I go to
Gan Shuli. Ima or Abba or Chavy bring me to gan every
day. Sometimes I am very sad to leave my Ima so I cry and
cry. Morah Shuli gives me a hug and helps me to feel better.
There are lots of nice toys in Gan Shuli. I like to play in
the sandbox, on the slide, with the dolls and especially with
the toy kitchen. We make lots of nice art projects to take
home and we learn many new songs. I like to sing and I like
to make projects. Sometimes the other girls want to play with
something that I want to play with and we fight. Then we both
cry and I want to go home. Morah Shuli helps us to be friends
again.
Sometimes it's hard to be big. When we all play together, I
like to be in gan with my friends. Even though
sometimes it's hard, I like gan. Ima says that when I
get used to gan, I won't cry so much and it won't be
so hard any more.
Masha Wolf is available for questions and consultation: 02-
656-2172.
[Final part next week. More examples of personalized books
for difficult situations]
