It's a downright shame! After all the effort we invested in the attempt to claim that
the chareidi public is victimized and deprived, along comes the Central Bureau of
Statistics and reveals to one and all that the opposite is true: not only aren't the
chareidim deprived, they actually have the advantage over the general public.
According to the Bureau's official statistics, the residents of Bnei Brak live longer
than the average citizen of any of the major cities in the country. The average Bnei
Braki life span skyscrapes at 77.4 years for men and 81.1 for a woman, as compared to
the general average life expectancy which is only 75.7 for males and 79.6 for
females.
A progressive country like Israel does not brook such discrimination and deprivation,
certainly not when the victims hail from the secular ranks. In coming days, we will
most probably be privy to a malicious expose from the legal protocol of a trial
presenting charges against those responsible for the blow to equal opportunity. It
may look something like this:
MONOLOGUE
Case Number 120/00 -- The State of Israel (hereonin: the prosecutor) against the
Angel of Death (hereonin: the accused). 5761.
CHARGES: Findings from the Central Bureau of Statistics prove that the defendant has
been selectively discriminating while discharging his duties. This in the very
context of a policy of favoring the secular sector or, alternately, premeditated
slackness in executing his duties in the chareidi sector. This conduct is a breach of
trust, misuse of office and exploitation of authority by a public servant. How does
the defendent plead to the charge?
DEFENDANT: The facts that appear from the statistics of the Central Bureau are not to
be questioned. Still, in all, it is impossible to isolate the dry statistics
regarding the higher life expectancy in a chareidi city from the extreme difficulty
that I encounter in executing my duties in the midst of this non-average population.
PROSECUTOR (in a burst of anger): On the contrary, precisely because of the special
character of the chareidim, it should be easier for you to discharge your duties in
Bnei Brak. Let us not forget, Your Honor, the tremendous efforts invested by the
authorities before they finally succeeded in categorizing the residents of Bnei Brak
on the uppermost place on the poverty scale in the country, a fact which should have
assisted the accused in discharging his duty rather than working against him. Who
doesn't know that poor people are less healthy? They suffer from malnutrition; they
have no money for adequate heating in the winter; parents are on the constant verge
of collapse for trying to raise their large families; their schools provide minimal,
if any, physical exercise and the families have no recreation, either, and certainly
do not indulge in outdoor exercise like skiing in the bracing mountain air in order
to return physically and mentally invigorated.
JUDGE (with severe expression): Now, Angel of Death, what do you have to say in your
defense? The prosecutor is presenting a convincing case. Your job should be easier in
the religious sector, and not more difficult, as you claim!
DEFENDANT (smiling breezily): His claims are reasonable? Nonsense. Since when is
there a direct correlation between health and life expectancy? From my experience, I
can state that I have never had even one case of failure in executing my duties upon
the healthiest of men.
JUDGE: In other words, you categorically deny that there exists a person that you
can't handle?
ANGEL OF DEATH: Absolutely. No one can escape me. All are equal before me: rich and
poor, healthy and sick, fat and lean, honest men and politicians, athletes and
academicians - all are equal. I discriminate against no one.
PROSECUTION (triumphantly): See? Does Your Honor need further proof that the accused
is lying brazenly? Just before, he said that he encounters unusual difficulty in
discharging his duties in Bnei Brak!
DEFENDENT (taken aback): True. It isn't pleasant to speak against the residents of
Bnei Brak. They are nice folk in general, but I must admit that in many instances,
they sabotage my work. I come there to do my job quietly and go home, but they don't
let a person work. (Inflamed) Believe me, I sometimes ask myself, what's going on!
Who is supposed to hound whom to death?
JUDGE (trying to mollify the defendent): Excuse me, but you must calm down. Explain
what you meant in saying that they don't let you work in peace.
DEFENDENT (confidentially exposing professional secrets): Sometimes, when I encounter
difficulty in making house calls, I have the patient sent to the hospital. When I get
there to finish up the job in more concentrated manner, what happens? The chareidim
become suspicious and don't let a soul do what he's supposed to do. I decide to send
a patient to a hospital where I have more license to work, but they go and take him
to a more regimented hospital of their choice. I try to find a doctor or surgeon who
will cooperate with me without problems and they go and pay good money for top
experts. I guide the medical team how to operate and they go to their rabbis and
subject every procedure, every prescription, to their scrutiny. It's impossible to
work under such conditions!
PROSECUTOR (angrily): I object to these flimsy arguments. You, yourself, stated that
you have never come across a person who defied your authority.
ACCUSED (flustered, glances on all sides in consternation and whispers): Can I make a
statement that will not go beyond this courtroom?
All those present nod in the affirmative and draw near to hear the professional
secret about to be divulged.
ACCUSED (confesses sotto voce): Very well then, honored friends. Despite the
prestigious reputation which I have gained over the years, I have one weakness which
I am at a loss to overcome. It pursues me all my life: when I see Jews praying or
studying or performing mitzvos, I feel a tremendous lassitude and helplessness.
It then becomes apparent to me that I am no more than a deputy with no real authority
of my own, a mere lackey. Sometimes I approach a patient whom I could finish off in a
twinkling, when suddenly I see some relative or volunteer sitting watch by his
bedside, sitting and praying. Then this case becomes complicated and can drag on and
on without control. What can I do? I can't help myself! (Bursts into tears)
A long spell of tense silence reigns in the courtroom.
JUDGE: It seems to me that there is no point in continuing this hearing. With the
permission of the two sides, I advise that the defendent be sent to psychological
observation.
