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12 Adar 5761 - March 7, 2001 | Mordecai Plaut, director Published Weekly
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Home and Family
Living it Up

by P. Chovav

It's a downright shame! After all the effort we invested in the attempt to claim that the chareidi public is victimized and deprived, along comes the Central Bureau of Statistics and reveals to one and all that the opposite is true: not only aren't the chareidim deprived, they actually have the advantage over the general public.

According to the Bureau's official statistics, the residents of Bnei Brak live longer than the average citizen of any of the major cities in the country. The average Bnei Braki life span skyscrapes at 77.4 years for men and 81.1 for a woman, as compared to the general average life expectancy which is only 75.7 for males and 79.6 for females.

A progressive country like Israel does not brook such discrimination and deprivation, certainly not when the victims hail from the secular ranks. In coming days, we will most probably be privy to a malicious expose from the legal protocol of a trial presenting charges against those responsible for the blow to equal opportunity. It may look something like this:

MONOLOGUE

Case Number 120/00 -- The State of Israel (hereonin: the prosecutor) against the Angel of Death (hereonin: the accused). 5761.

CHARGES: Findings from the Central Bureau of Statistics prove that the defendant has been selectively discriminating while discharging his duties. This in the very context of a policy of favoring the secular sector or, alternately, premeditated slackness in executing his duties in the chareidi sector. This conduct is a breach of trust, misuse of office and exploitation of authority by a public servant. How does the defendent plead to the charge?

DEFENDANT: The facts that appear from the statistics of the Central Bureau are not to be questioned. Still, in all, it is impossible to isolate the dry statistics regarding the higher life expectancy in a chareidi city from the extreme difficulty that I encounter in executing my duties in the midst of this non-average population.

PROSECUTOR (in a burst of anger): On the contrary, precisely because of the special character of the chareidim, it should be easier for you to discharge your duties in Bnei Brak. Let us not forget, Your Honor, the tremendous efforts invested by the authorities before they finally succeeded in categorizing the residents of Bnei Brak on the uppermost place on the poverty scale in the country, a fact which should have assisted the accused in discharging his duty rather than working against him. Who doesn't know that poor people are less healthy? They suffer from malnutrition; they have no money for adequate heating in the winter; parents are on the constant verge of collapse for trying to raise their large families; their schools provide minimal, if any, physical exercise and the families have no recreation, either, and certainly do not indulge in outdoor exercise like skiing in the bracing mountain air in order to return physically and mentally invigorated.

JUDGE (with severe expression): Now, Angel of Death, what do you have to say in your defense? The prosecutor is presenting a convincing case. Your job should be easier in the religious sector, and not more difficult, as you claim!

DEFENDANT (smiling breezily): His claims are reasonable? Nonsense. Since when is there a direct correlation between health and life expectancy? From my experience, I can state that I have never had even one case of failure in executing my duties upon the healthiest of men.

JUDGE: In other words, you categorically deny that there exists a person that you can't handle?

ANGEL OF DEATH: Absolutely. No one can escape me. All are equal before me: rich and poor, healthy and sick, fat and lean, honest men and politicians, athletes and academicians - all are equal. I discriminate against no one.

PROSECUTION (triumphantly): See? Does Your Honor need further proof that the accused is lying brazenly? Just before, he said that he encounters unusual difficulty in discharging his duties in Bnei Brak!

DEFENDENT (taken aback): True. It isn't pleasant to speak against the residents of Bnei Brak. They are nice folk in general, but I must admit that in many instances, they sabotage my work. I come there to do my job quietly and go home, but they don't let a person work. (Inflamed) Believe me, I sometimes ask myself, what's going on! Who is supposed to hound whom to death?

JUDGE (trying to mollify the defendent): Excuse me, but you must calm down. Explain what you meant in saying that they don't let you work in peace.

DEFENDENT (confidentially exposing professional secrets): Sometimes, when I encounter difficulty in making house calls, I have the patient sent to the hospital. When I get there to finish up the job in more concentrated manner, what happens? The chareidim become suspicious and don't let a soul do what he's supposed to do. I decide to send a patient to a hospital where I have more license to work, but they go and take him to a more regimented hospital of their choice. I try to find a doctor or surgeon who will cooperate with me without problems and they go and pay good money for top experts. I guide the medical team how to operate and they go to their rabbis and subject every procedure, every prescription, to their scrutiny. It's impossible to work under such conditions!

PROSECUTOR (angrily): I object to these flimsy arguments. You, yourself, stated that you have never come across a person who defied your authority.

ACCUSED (flustered, glances on all sides in consternation and whispers): Can I make a statement that will not go beyond this courtroom?

All those present nod in the affirmative and draw near to hear the professional secret about to be divulged.

ACCUSED (confesses sotto voce): Very well then, honored friends. Despite the prestigious reputation which I have gained over the years, I have one weakness which I am at a loss to overcome. It pursues me all my life: when I see Jews praying or studying or performing mitzvos, I feel a tremendous lassitude and helplessness. It then becomes apparent to me that I am no more than a deputy with no real authority of my own, a mere lackey. Sometimes I approach a patient whom I could finish off in a twinkling, when suddenly I see some relative or volunteer sitting watch by his bedside, sitting and praying. Then this case becomes complicated and can drag on and on without control. What can I do? I can't help myself! (Bursts into tears)

A long spell of tense silence reigns in the courtroom.

JUDGE: It seems to me that there is no point in continuing this hearing. With the permission of the two sides, I advise that the defendent be sent to psychological observation.

 

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