The month of Elul compresses so much that one can hardly
define it! What is the essence and content of this month? What
is its character? What must one strive for during these days
and where does one place emphasis? What is primary and what
subordinate? How can we best utilize this month for all it
offers? How can we extract the most and affect the maximum
benefit from its uniqueness?
As with many other things, we confront Elul with preconceived
notions acquired in our youth, at the juvenile levels, and we
seek to transpose them at the yeshiva or kollel level.
How is this done?
The time has come for us to clarify to the limit what our task
and obligation is so that we will have a clear idea what this
month actually is and the opportunities it provides.
*
Let us take for example one or two matters that occupy a
central spot in our lives, from which we can learn lessons for
the other aspects of our avodas Hashem.
We study a certain topic `in learning.' The beis midrash
is filled with men; pairs upon pairs filling the hall are
immersed in the same subject and the place seethes with the
heat of Torah challenge. The shiurim reflect the same
avid absorption and active interest in the topic under study.
But can one say that all the men are equally engrossed in the
subject, at the identical level, with the same fervor, the
same profundity, the same clarity? Certainly not.
No one is the same as his fellow. One may be satisfied with
what he achieves, what he can grasp, while the other yearns
for a deeper understanding. One is content with comprehending
the shiur, while the other seeks the additional scope
offered by the rishonim. What is the difference between
them? Ability? No. Motivation? No. Age? Also not. How then
define it?
*
Take prayer. Everyone prays. Everyone wants to pray properly
but it is clear that the prayer of one person is never the
same as that of another. One person can be more punctilious in
many things, such as cognitive intent, arousal of genuine
emotion, effort in concentration. Another will suffice with
less. He is happy and satisfied with less.
One person may make a point of praying in the exact same place
each time, his mokom kovua; he sees to it that he
arrives in time so that he can fully participate from the very
beginning to the very end, for he wants his prayer to be as
complete and perfect as he can make it. The next person may
feel he has fulfilled his obligation by praying with a
minyan. He is not troubled by having to `make up' if he
is late through rushed prayers or skipping over.
One person may steadily remain after prayers to study
halochoh or mussar while the second may rush off
to his affairs as quickly as he can. So what differentiates
them? Talent? No. Desire? No. Age? Also, not? What then?
The answer to these questions is one: values.
A person establishes for himself a norm of what he considers
to be a subject well learned. He defines for himself what it
means to have prayed well and what he expects from himself.
And when he fulfills his own expectations, he feels a great
sense of satisfaction. How does he determine the level called
good? Each one according to his values, his level of
understanding. His idea of what is right. His self established
standard. A person who is used to achieving a certain level of
comprehension in a sugya will experience satisfaction
when he reaches that comprehension because according to his
standards, this is called understanding. A person who is
accustomed to praying in a defined manner will feel a sense of
satisfaction when he does pray that way because that is his
norm in tefillah; it is what he expects of himself. It
is his general standard.
And so is it with all matters of avodas Hashem, with
matters between fellow men, with self restraint in speech,
with holiness, chessed, with deference towards Torah
scholars, parental honor and so on. A person's level or
standard in any area is built along the lines established
previously, that actually began at some time in his early
childhood. He constructed them gradually and his conception of
these values guides him in his life; they mold his
personality, desires, aspirations, and the level of his self
satisfaction in achievement.
Therefore, when a person judges himself and his level, and
aims to gauge it, he will consider it subjectively, rather
than objectively, that is, what he has been accustomed to
thinking and according to the structure of values he has
constructed for himself.
But when, in the future, "Hashem will chastise each and every
tzaddik according to what he is, who will be able to
stand before that reproach?"
What is the significance of the words, "To chastise according
to what he is"? `Reproach' can also be used to denote probing
and proving (the guilt of a party). To see what he is
intrinsically. In other words, his deeds will be weighed and
measured according to what they really are and not according
to the standards a person has established for himself. His
deeds will have to stand by themselves, for whatever they are
truly worth, for only thus will they withstand the inquiry
before justice (According to Chochmah Umussar, Part I,
p. 100).
*
Elul is designed to clarify and to prove to ourselves at what
level we are holding as measured by a yardstick of reality and
truth. Elul is designated for the examination of our concepts,
standards, notions in Torah study, prayer, interpersonal
relations, and in each and every part of G-dly worship, to
determine whether they are good according to the yardstick of
truthful objectivity, rather than according to our notions and
customs of what is comfortable to us, for this clarification
is the only thing that carries weight in the judgment of
Hashem.
