Little Reuven seemed like a regular, intelligent child,
yet he was so listless and lacking in initiative. Rebbe
Yaakov questioned his parents about how Reuven behaved at
home.
What came to light was that Reuven is an only child and his
grandmother lives-in with the family. His parents are loving
parents and do everything for him -- and anything they omit
is done by the grandmother. Reuven does not have to "lift a
finger!"
Rebbe Yaakov gently berated the parents. He explained how
their apparent kindness was actually severely hampering
Reuven's development.
A child needs to learn to accept responsibility and to deal
with tasks.
Remember that doing household chores is not a punishment! It
is a chance to join with Abba and Ima in doing real
chessed and a step towards growing up.
There are many tasks a child can tackle, on a daily basis,
even from an early age.
A young child can put away his soiled clothes after he gets
into his pyjamas. Next morning, he can put his pyjamas
neatly on the bed [or under the pillow]. He can straighten
the bedclothes and make sure his bedroom is tidy before he
goes to school. Then, when he comes home and takes out his
toys to play, he should be required to put all his toys back
tidily before going to bed.
A seven-year-old can wash the dishes -- especially if they
are plastic, and when he is a little older, you can teach
him to sweep and mop the floor and vacuum the carpet. He can
also help you put away a grocery delivery or vegetable
order.
You do not have to wait for Erev Pesach to get children to
wash the paintwork and dust shelves. Peeling carrots,
cucumbers and later potatoes is an old favorite chore but do
not allow the children to `feed' the grinder or food
processor because they can insert their little hands into
the hopper, G-d forbid, and severely injure themselves. [You
can teach them to grate, slowly and carefully.]
From an early age, children can put away clean laundry. They
can clear and wipe down the table after their meals and
older children can learn to iron clothes. Even boys can
learn to cook and bake, and learning to do simple sewing can
help prepare them for going away to yeshiva.
Eventually, a child should be able to dress himself, wash
himself, take a shower or bath, which includes drying
himself off, also cutting his own nails, and on Erev
Shabbos, he should be able to polish his shoes.
Children can also learn to set the table for Shabbos. This
can include spreading a tablecloth, a plastic -- if you use
one, setting the knives, forks and spoons in the correct
place and even folding the paper napkins into fancy
shapes.
Be prepared for protest: "I'm too tired! I'll do it
tomorrow! I don't want to! Every time I have to do! Why
can't someone else do it? I did it yesterday!" etc.
You will need to know when, and how, to be firm, when to
resort to mild bribery, when to negotiate and, rarely, when
to give in. [One of the tricks is to train them young, to
let them begin helping when THEY want to, naturally, as
little children. They will eventually become proficient at
the tasks.] The pay-off justifies the investment. Children
who learn to accept responsibility will do better in school
and yeshiva, be better friends, become better husbands and
wives and become better parents -- and so the cycle will
continue.
