Different children have different ways of relating to their
report cards. There are children who, even two weeks prior
to receiving their reports, will discuss it with reverence
and awe and from the marks they got on tests, will try to
anticipate the actual ones on the card. When they receive
it, they will bring it home tremblingly. Many may cry when
something falls short of their expectations; others will not
even dare examine it until they are home.
Some receive it with equanimity and might even forget to
mention it once they get home.
There are also those children somewhere in the middle. They
get excited beforehand, bring it home for their mother to
sign, compare the marks with friends and then relax
afterwards.
The child's way of relating to his report card starts from
an early age on and is basically a result of the parents'
way of relating to the topic. Later on, it is also a result
of their friends' attitude towards the report card.
Many parents are unsure of how to relate to it, and how much
importance they should accord it. Should they just scan it --
since it shouldn't really be top priority, besides the fact
that it is probably not entirely reliable. How should they
react to the report card or more accurately, to the child
behind it?
1. The report card should not be a surprise for the
parent
The report card is not a replacement for constant
supervision by the parent. It should never be a surprise for
them. The parent should be familiar with his child from
before. This is possible if the parent has an ongoing
relationship with the child. He should be in contact with
the teacher and take the homework and tests seriously. There
are parents who don't interest themselves at all about what
is happening to their child and the report card is their
signpost. They judge the child by his grades. According to
these marks, they will know whether to kiss him or to be
angry, and this is how they'll decide whether he is good or
not. This is not how it should be. Parents have to know what
is going on with their children throughout the year. This is
the only way they can `catch' actual problems in the offing
or a regression on the part of the child.
2. Teaching appreciation
Receiving the report card is an excellent opportunity to
teach the child appreciation for the efforts the teacher has
put in until now. Teachers have to give grades and reports.
A situation simply cannot arise where it is time to give out
report cards in school and the teacher will decide not to do
it. Even if a teacher is not sure which mark to give a
specific child, she still must fill in something on the
entry sheet. This means that she might make an error in his
evaluation. This completely human error can happen in any
field, all the more so to a teacher who has several classes
with over 40 students each.
The marks are not "holy of holies," but they generally do
reflect, to a certain extent, the child's knowledge as he
expresses it in class.
A child who receives a lower mark than he feels he deserves
can complain about it, but we, as adult parents, have to
understand the teacher and the fact that certain conditions
prevent her from being strictly accurate. This is an
opportunity, as we mentioned, to show our appreciation
towards the teacher. "According to you, she made a slight
error, but she worked hard examining the tests and for this
she deserves our thanks." This is also the opportunity to
explain the concepts of objectivity and subjectivity
according to his level. This is a good example for
discussion since both sides view the issue from a different
perspective.
3. Understand the child
It is important for us to understand our children's
rebellion against their marks. The mark cannot possibly
reflect the basic reality. Sometimes, an intelligent but
quiet child, who really knows the material but does not
participate, will get a lower mark even though he did well
on the test.
The opposite may also be true, that a child who does not
know that much but makes a positive impression in class,
will get a higher mark than he deserves. And since the
teacher's evaluation cannot be completely correct, the
report card should not be considered a real estimate of the
child's capabilities.
It is totally superfluous to ask a child, "Why did you get
such a mark on this subject?" Or "You see, even in class you
don't behave, so how do you expect me to think differently
about you?" Or "Stop being so resentful and disrespectful.
That's why you get such marks."
A child will learn a lot from the marks on his report card,
even without our having to express it in words and he might
even learn more if we stay out of his affairs. The marks on
the report card are only a single opinion -- the teacher's.
The other side of the coin is what the child has to say. And
it is possible that the child is right. The teacher may not
see things correctly. She might blame one child for
disrupting, when it is really another child's fault.
4. Reacting with deliberation
Certain important factors can be deduced from the marks on
the report card, including unusual behavior patterns. For
instance, if the child never puts in any effort and gets a
wonderful report card, it is important to think of a proper
attitude to keep his ego in place and prevent him from
thinking that "he's the greatest."
Take the case of a girl who was considered very special at
home, because she was always helpful and contributed a lot
of her time. Her report card was very poor. In such an
instance, it is important to discuss the matter and to check
the reasons for her low marks. The child might find it
difficult to concentrate on both the house and her studies.
Perhaps she needs to have time slots created for different
activities.
The parents' reaction to the report card must be weighed
carefully. It should not come as a result of embarrassment
or pressure, or unwarranted expectations. The child must
first be considered -- he might need encouragement, since he
is usually the one responsible for a bad mark. On the other
hand, genuine pleasure should be expressed for good marks.
But the child must never be shown that the mark is the most
important factor for us.
TIPS
* The report card represents an end and a new beginning, no
matter what the report is like, let us celebrate it with a
treat all around, served with love. A teacher who has to
give low marks may try to compensate by giving a better
grade in her middos evaluation, which is also part of
the report card. A mother should dwell on these (in any
case) and stress that it is these middos that the
child will need later on in life.
* If your children are usually disappointed with their
report cards, explain to them that it is not possible to
control what the teacher writes, but they can prepare their
own reports and give themselves the marks they feel they
deserve, and promise them you will relate to it seriously.
[The mother can also make a report card of the child's
achievements at home!]
