Part V
This essay discusses how we can sharp-focus our entire lives
around Torah in various ways.
4. Set the stage for Table Torah Talk
* Junk talk will fill any void at your table, weekday or
Shabbos. Be prepared by warning others -- including guests --
to come with Torah talk.
* Encourage discussion of middos and "things to learn
from the Parsha" type talk. Preparing for Shabbos means more
than just cooking and shopping. Getting older children
involved in this pre-Shabbos/Yom Tov Torah assignment will
reap untold benefits, and strengthen them in talking in
Torah.
* Be sure that everyone, family members as well as male
guests, understand that long droshos are for the
beis midrash or for after the meal. Table Torah must
be short and as interesting and non-complicated as possible.
It can, of course, lead to discussion, but not to
lomdus which is "way above the heads of women and
children." [How about YATED's Parsha Anthology]. Warn
guests of this when you invite them, and, with each and
every invitation, remind them to bring Table Torah so that
they are prepared. A person who is unprepared to talk Torah
at the table is a person who will feel left out or will fill
the void with junk talk for lack of anything to say.
* Ask husbands and older children to prepare uncomplicated,
simple-to- answer but interesting fact and information type
questions about the parsha such as "How old was Noach
when the Flood started," getting more difficult with the age
levels. [Who said to whom, what appears before what, in what
context is this word found and so on.]
[Ed. After the crumbs are cleared off the table, you can do
search-and-find questions from the open texts, including the
Haftorah. One favorite is finding a word that appears less
than ten times in the Tanach, and I think each Parsha has
one or two. A Concordance is required.]
* Encourage conversation about Torah thoughts that are said
at the table, and try to get people to give over their ideas
and insights about them, as well as any related items they
have heard on the subject, also related stories about
gedolim illustrating these ideas. Don't discourage
conversation by putting anyone down, like, "That's
ridiculous" or "You're missing the point." Encourage the
discussion by saying, "That's an interesting way of looking
at it," or "Hmmm, I'll have to think about that," and refer
to it later; don't simply ignore the statement or the child
will learn that it's safer not to say anything.
* Buy interesting games and books about Torah and help
children prepare things to say at the table. Ask them to
bring home the Torah flyers that are distributed in many
shuls -- and to read them! Remind husbands and sons how
important it is to review the parsha before or on
Friday and to also keep in mind Torah Table Talk.
* If a child, or anyone else, starts rambling or taking too
long to make their point -- protect your Shabbos Table.
Kindly, but firmly, suggest, "Maybe you can sum up that
thought in just a few words so we can get it clear?"
Do not allow anyone to monopolize or bore the others at your
table. Memories of bordeom while sitting at a Shabbos or
even weekday table does not engender love of Torah or a
desire to speak in Torah. This rule applies to adults as
well as to your adorable five-year-old.
* Before asking a non-Torah question or making a non-Torah
statement to someone, try to have a Torah related purpose
behind the question in order to keep the proper focus and
eliminate blah-blah talk.
Even if we inquire about the health of a mutual friend etc.,
we can express the hope that they get better, remember to
include them in our prayers, or resolve to visit or help in
some way possible [without actually making plans that
involve forbidden weekday melochos. You should say
"visit" instead of "travel" and so on]. And you should leave
the actual medical details out since this is NOT Shabbos
Table Torah Talk.
If guests are asked where they come from simply to fill a
conversational void, the talk can easily degenerate into
blah-blah, while if the Jewish content is foremost, it can
be joined to background Torah talk, like the amazing
survival of Jewry everywhere and the burgeoning of Torah in
the most remote places. Avoiding tangents and sidetracks
does take effort, work and creativity, and tact to bring the
conversation back to a Torah topic when it does
degenerate.
If talk on the Parsha wanes, mention that you're happy to
hear ANY Torah talk -- stories of gedolim, situations
of judging favorably and even unrelated Torah talk about
what the children learned.
With "dry" parshiyos that the children have not
studied, one can ask general interest questions like: what
is the hardest mitzva, the easiest, and why. After
people have voiced their opinion, remind everyone that we
must do all the mitzvos because Hashem gave them to
us for our good, and we will receive more reward for
them.
[To be continued...]
