Identifying children's problems through graphology
In Part I we met R' Noam Stern who resides in Bnei Brak and
is a teacher in a Talmud Torah. He is a certified
graphologist after hours and an expert at deciphering
children's handwriting. Handwriting, he claims, is like a CT
of the soul, like a polygraph which hints at emotions which
cannot be discovered by conventional methods.
Part II
Several examples illustrate this point:
Yossi (not his real name), was one of the smartest students
in class. Always the best, he never received less than a
100%. It seemed that he did well without any effort
whatsoever. In spite of this, he was often absent from
school and found all sorts of excuses not to study. His
parents couldn't understand his behavior, especially when he
found studying so easy. They asked R' Stern to check his
handwriting in order to discover what was bothering him. The
expert spent three hours analyzing Yossi's handwriting
according to all the required (thirty) parameters and
discovered that the child was under tremendous pressure to
succeed. Every exam caused stomach aches, and if he ever did
get less than 100%, he would suffer from terrible nausea. He
felt obligated to be perfect all the time.
R' Stern told the parents to keep in contact with Yossi's
teacher and to suggest to him that he prepare their son to
get used to receiving lower marks in order to help him cope
with the realities of life. He had to learn that there are
many disappointments in life and success is not always
assured. With guidance, Yossi slowly started on his way to
normalcy and eventually the anxiety about his studies
disappeared.
After analyzing dozens of children's handwritings, R' Noam
found that there are certain character traits, talents and
deficiencies that the letters reveal. For instance, whether
the child is timid, introverted, or if he is sure of himself
as well as his personal and social standing. It is also
possible to see if a child has hidden talents which have not
as yet been expressed. Children who suffer from disciplinary
and attention deficiency problems (ADD) in class can improve
when their creative talents are discovered and their energy
is rechanneled in a positive manner.
One of the children whose handwriting R' Stern was asked to
examine was considered hyperactive and incorrigible by his
teachers, who had a difficult time controlling him. R' Stern
saw in his handwriting a need to work with his hands, to
touch and manipulate, and he suggested that his parents send
him to a carpentry class in order to release his extra
energy. This turned out to be an excellent solution for the
child.
Q. Are there parameters which repeat themselves in
children's handwriting?
A. Certainly, and these are revealed both in their
handwriting and their drawings. There are many cases of
insecurity and low self image, expressions of sibling
jealousy, symptoms related to being the oldest child and
suffering from undue pressure not to disappoint the parents,
lack of warmth, etc. I remember the case of a child from a
very good, financially stable family, who turned to me after
noticing bizarre occurrences around the house. Since they
did not know who was responsible, I asked for a sample of
all the children's handwritings. They were amazed to
discover that the one who was responsible for the
disturbances was actually one of the quietest and most
refined of the children, a boy suffering from extreme
jealousy. His brother, younger by a year, was just the
opposite -- lively, popular and outgoing -- and was
receiving all the attention. For this reason, the older
brother had tried to draw interest to himself by doing
strange things in order to get rid of the "threat" posed by
the younger brother. As soon as they became aware of the
facts, the parents made an effort to change their
relationship towards him. They resolved to build up his self
image and self confidence and eventually, the feelings of
jealousy disappeared.
I saw the drawing of a disruptive child in the third grade
who lived constantly in the shadow of his younger brother in
the second grade, a child who always "stole the show."
He drew a picture of his brother close to their grandmother
and himself far, far away -- which expressed his feeling of
being alone and unimportant (because of the grandmother's
preference for the younger sibling). There were also many
details in the drawing, like buttons and pockets, which
represented the mother's desire to keep him dependent.
I have met many children who are considered wild and
unmanageable, and they seem full of life and fun, however,
on the inside they are extremely sensitive and vulnerable.
When I pointed this out to the parents, they took the
situation to heart and gave their child more attention.
It is interesting to note that children are very expressive
of the lack of attention they get at home both in their
handwriting and in their drawings, and this is especially
true in current years. Because of the ever growing pressures
of daily life, parents try to "dance at many weddings
simultaneously" and children are apt to suffer from lack of
warmth in the home. In adolescence, the most common problem
revealed in children's handwriting is pressure as a result
from the inability to cope with new learning conditions and
a new social background.
Q. When did you request a meeting with parents after
studying their child's handwriting? And how did they react
to this scrutiny?
A. In one case, I felt a need to approach the parents on my
own. Their child's handwriting was a real call for help.
This was a quiet, vulnerable child who was considered
average or below. His handwriting was small and trembling,
and pointed to extreme lack of confidence. I called up the
parents and carefully explained to them that they should
give their child extra tasks which involved responsibility
and provide him with positive feedback at every opportunity.
They were actually happy with my remarks and followed my
advice. From then on, he changed completely and this
improvement carried over to his studies as well as his
social relationships. Soon, it was hard to believe that this
was the same child!
In another case, I studied children's compositions and I
couldn't ignore the unusual handwriting of one of them,
which was so miniature that it needed a magnifying glass to
decipher. This same student was soon after diagnosed as
learning disabled, and it was decided to send him to a
special school.
The handwriting of another child looked like small
matchsticks and this expressed a desire to see and not be
seen. His self confidence approached zero and he seemed to
be in great distress. I told his teacher about his problem
so that he could deal with it properly.
Sometimes R' Noam uses his talents for other purposes -- for
instance, to discover whether a signature has been forged or
not, and the children are aware of this. In an unusual case,
the principal of a school asked him to ascertain whether a
child had forged his father's signature on a test. The
child's teacher claimed it had been, but R' Stern noticed
that although the signature was childish there was an
additional line at the end of the name which only an adult
could have written with such verve. Upon examination, they
discovered that he was right. The child had signed with the
parent's permission and the father had added the extra
line!
Sometimes, children go on for years with vestiges of
unresolved problems which prevent them from coping normally
and even professional counselors are unable to identify the
root of the problem since the child is unable to express
himself. But the handwriting can and will reveal all. R'
Stern recalls a dramatic case of a yeshiva bochur who
had trouble concentrating on his studies. All professional
counseling had failed and the mashgiach had already
given up on him. The parents brought him to R' Stern for
handwriting analysis. He discerned that the boy was highly
creative and intelligent, while on the other hand, he was
extremely suspicious and had no confidence in anyone. He was
under great pressure and this prevented him from
communicating with those around him.
As he sometimes does, R' Stern asked the parents for a
sample of their handwriting in order to complete the
picture. He found the answer in the father's handwriting.
There he found a hard, uncompromising personality, which
left no room for flexibility. The father was in shock. He
had always meant well, but his sensitive son had taken it
the wrong way and was hurt by the father's toughness. The
father, who was basically a good person, slowly started to
change and eventually became more easygoing and
understanding. The son started to learn again and their
relationship improved tremendously.
Q. Who else turns to you besides parents?
A. An educator showed me the handwriting of a very restless
student who, in spite of all the punishments and threats,
persisted in disturbing during class. After analyzing the
child's character according to his handwriting, it was
decided to completely abandon the system of threats and
punishment and to offer attractive prizes and give him
responsibilities. This would calm his lively personality and
desire for constant activity.
Analysis of an eighth grade teacher's handwriting showed
that he was under constant pressure to finish more and more
material and was suffering from discontent both from himself
and his student. Although most people understand themselves
basically, when faced with such clear evidence, they tend to
take the message more seriously. I once suggested to a
person whose handwriting showed disturbing signs of
depression, to go for counseling. He knew that the distress
and the pressure he was under were dangerous for him, yet he
needed someone to tell him this openly.
Q. How exact is graphology?
A. Graphology is not an exact science, but it is very
reliable in many instances. In my opinion, it approaches at
least 90% precison and from my experience, the error margin
is minimal. Many places of work choose candidates for
employment only according to their handwriting and many
people have changed fields because their handwriting
revealed certain personality traits.
Q. Personally, are you careful to submit only typewritten
notes?
I am satisfied with my own handwriting and I am not afraid
to show it to others.
Although mostly everyone is shy of having others discover
their weaknesses, R' Stern would be very interested one day
in checking the handwriting of his son's future wife (the
boy is only five now). "The important points for me," he
says, "are sincerity and integrity, and for this reason,
I'll check very carefully the handwriting of someone with
whom I have to be in close contact."
Q. How have your opinions of people changed in light of
your specialty?
I don't involve graphology in my daily life. Even after
analyzing a handwriting, I don't judge the person as good or
bad. There are only certain points which have to be worked
on. Once I did change my mind about a friend whose
handwriting showed a lack of dependability. I did not cut
off our relationship, but I know that in time of need, I
won't be able to count on him.
