This is a self-contained continuation of a piece on Values
from Parshas Bamidbor. You may wish to read it again before
going on to
Values - Part II
After eliciting [recognizing and pinpointing] your values or
someone else's values, you will notice that they will either
be moving towards or moving away from their
values -- or both.
For example, a friend of mine came to Eretz Yisroel to learn
in yeshiva. When I asked him why he decided to come, he
answered, "...to get away from all of the distractions of
America." `Distractions' was a primary value in his decision,
and he was clearly moving away from it.
How strong a value distractions is for him became
evident in the follow-up. He rented an apartment in a
residential area of Jerusalem and studied for four years in a
small kollel a few minutes walk from his house.
Recently, he decided to go back to the States to teach. Out
of the various offers, he chose a job in a middle sized, out-
of-town community.
It is important to be aware of your values' directions
(towards or away from) in different areas of life. Some
people do not achieve their goals because of this. There are
areas where towards strategies will be more effective,
other areas where away strategies are better, and
others where a combination of the two is the ideal.
As a general rule, you can use away from strategies
for short term tasks. You need to put some money into your
bank account, but you really don't feel like going out and
standing on line. Thinking about some of the consequences of
your checks bouncing may expedite getting you to the bank.
For long term goals, moving towards strategies are
usually preferable. People who use moving away from
strategies over long periods of time risk burning themselves
out since these are harder on the person ("I've got to ... or
else!"). Furthermore, they may find that they don't reach
their goals because the more they move away from whatever
bothers them, the more they lose their motivation. Things
seem to come out half-baked.
Do you know people who are always on a diet? One reason they
never get down to and maintain their ideal weight is because
they don't use a moving towards strategy. Typically,
perpetual dieters do not like how they look or how they feel.
These are moving away from strategies.
Moving away strategies can work like a jump start to
get things going. However, once the person has lost some
weight, s/he may not have the motivation to follow through.
They're thinking, "It's really not so bad anymore." They go
off their diet until, once again, they don't like their looks
or the way they feel. Then the strategy starts all over
again.
What is the secret of people who are successful in losing
weight and keeping it off? One factor is that they have a
goal to move forwards. They may have a mental picture
of how they want to look. Or they imagine how they want to
feel. This can help them follow through until that goal is
reached. At the same time, they may also use the moving
away from strategy in combination with their goal.
