A 14-year-old son's going off to yeshiva ketana is an
event that evokes a myriad of emotions in his mother, all the
more if he is the last son down the line. There's gratitude
to Hashem that her bar-mitzva bochur has reached such
an important milestone: leaving home, living in a dormitory
and learning in a secluded yeshiva setting.
Gratitude is quickly followed by a vague trepidation that
this cherished child is too immature for such a crucial step.
These conflicting feelings are confided to the Ribono Shel
Olam only, of course.
D-Day (Departure) generally proceeds as follows: Despite
maternal urgings (nagging) over a period of weeks, an
overwhelming number of items have been left for the eleventh
hour. Things to do: Purchasing the proper gemora, new
tzitzis, cleaning the Shabbos tie, taking the
desperately needed haircut, scrounging around in the
machsan for a presentable suitcase or totebag, no easy
feat, and the trousers that need emergency alterations. He's
grown, bless him.
Selection of the appropriate bed linen is performed with the
fastidious discrimination of a prospective bride. This is a
boy who until now has never been `color conscious.' He has
been known to sleep peacefully amid 3 clashing designs on
sheet, pillowcase and quilt cover. It would cause the average
person multicolored dreams, or an acute case of dizziness to
awaken in these psychodelic surroundings. But then again, who
said he's average?
The traditional rules are unwritten and inflexible. No
Yiddish Mama should attempt coming within 200 meters of the
yeshiva bus, be it in the central bus station or parked on a
quiet side street. Due to practical considerations, she may
be permitted to reverently carry the box containing the
Shabbos Hat. Handling the Hat entails talents few possess.
Goodbyes must be unemotional and brief, if public. In
private, only a shade more feeling is permitted. Heartfelt
blessings, however, are cheerfully accepted and amended. It's
a proven fact that on the designated hour of leavetaking, a
son will look at least a year younger and two years more
vulnerable.
Fighting back sudden tears, she ceremoniously hands over the
box. The offspring obviously has no time or patience for
dramatic farewells. Since there's not even a free hand with
which to wave, he nods and makes fleeting, but significant
eye contact. Then the childhood that seemed to last forever
is over in a moment. Bag and baggage, he's swallowed up by
the crowd.
Once home, Mother gravitates towards the recently evacuated
room. This will be a dramatic step in the Letting Go Process.
Shocked, she stands on the threshold. How could one
individual have made such a chaotic mess in so short a time?
The room appears to have been tilted at an angle! Drawers are
opened, their contents having obviously been inspected and
discarded (along with some of the drawers, themselves). The
bed and floor are barely visible under the piles of
mentionables and unmentionables. The Restoration Work takes a
laborious hour.
The budding talmid chochom has specifically forewarned
there won't be time for phone calls until Friday. Late at
night, full of plans for filling the hours until then, Mother
drifts off to sleep.
At 6:30 a.m., the ringing of the phone jars her awake. A few
essentials have been forgotten: toothbrush, robe, a
conservative patterned pillowcase. In the last minute rush,
he had packed in one decorated with large pink roses and was
embarrassed to use it. As far as transporting these
necessities, not to worry; his roommate will take it. In
fact, he's leaving home in half an hour. Four blocks away,
third floor. After a brisk walk, of which Ima didn't think
she was capable, she encounters the fellow student. With a
smile, he stuffs the possessions into an already bulging bag.
His mother is emotionally waiting on the side, teary-eyed and
heavily laden with bags. (She has not been entrusted with the
hat box.)
Next evening, rather late, there is another mini-crisis. Two
Shabbos shirts to Geula. And so the week goes by.
Well, he had been asked to "keep in touch."
We should only hear good news...
