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After Your Enemy Falls

An adaptation of the sichos of HaRav Chaim Dov Altusky, zt"l

In Pirkei Ovos (4:19), Shmuel Hakoton quotes the posuk, "When your enemy falls, do not be happy. And when he falters, your heart should not be filled with happiness: for the Ribono Shel Olom may look into your heart and see how happy you are over the fall of your enemy. And He will not like what He sees in your heart. And then Hashem will withdraw His anger from your enemy" (Mishlei 24:17,18).

With a surprising chiddush, Rashi explains that not only will Hashem take away His anger from the enemy but also, the enemy will be forgiven of all his sins. Remarkably, the Ribono Shel Olom reverses the verdict of someone who rightfully deserves punishment simply because people are happy over his demise. Furthermore, those who are happy over their enemy's downfall will incur the wrath of Hashem.

In his commentary on Pirkei Ovos, Rabbeinu Yonah adds an even bigger chiddush: This process occurs even when the enemy is a rosho, meaning that Hashem considers him a rosho because he is predominantly a baal aveiroh! He has very few mitzvos to counterbalance those aveiros and therefore receives his punishment.

Nonetheless, Shmuel Hakoton teaches us not to be elated over his suffering. Since, as Rabbeinu Yonah puts it, "A person should only be happy because of the kiddush Sheim Shomayim that is occurring for the benefit of the Name of Hashem Yisborach."

When a rosho suffers because of all the pain he has caused, this sanctifies the Name of the Ribono Shel Olom. Therefore, we should be happy because the rosho receives his due punishment. When people witness a rosho running rampant by treading upon the feelings, sensitivities, and lives of others, the rosho feels- and his victims believe-that he is master of his and their destiny. Then, when his punishment comes and he falls, this sanctifies Hashem's Name.

Home and Family
ASK THE SHADCHAN: Older Singles

By Rebbetzin Nomi Travis

Question:

Dear Shadchante, I can identify with the mature single girl who asked about taking the plunge and deciding to meet widowers and divorced men . . . The problem is that as much as I realize that time is flying, and the parade is passing by.... I can not psych myself up to meeting previously married men. (maybe a divorced fellow without kids married a few weeks ,,,,)

I know that I am limiting myself on this front. It is also difficult for me to "compromise" re: accepting a fellow from a hard and problematic background. Where can I get the energy and strength to go in this direction? People feel sorry for me and try to encourage me but often the road to Gehinom is paved with good intentions. They cause me a lot of pain. Can you help me find comfort during my lonely vigil as I wait for Mr. Right to appear? I speak to a "mentor" but find it difficult to run to a big Rav with my concerns and shaylos all the time. I would appreciate hearing from you.

Thanks again

A reader who divides her time between two continents waiting for her basherte.

LETTER II Dear Shadchente

In a recent column, you discussed the obstacles and difficulties in doing research on divorced men..

I fall into the category of a "mature single," and I find that when/if I get shidduch offers, many have obvious and hidden pitfalls. Recently I was introduced to a single fellow in my age bracket who seemed to meet many of my requirements, but I did not want to continue to see this fellow because of a problematic background. My parents agreed with me, but the shadchan gave us a hard time.

What role should background problems play in shidduchim? How far do I have to go back into family background? What about the siblings: let's say, if siblings are "drop-outs", divorced, ill? What about divorced parents?

Thanx again,

Alone (and not at last)

Answer:

If you are an older single woman, or the parents of older daughters, chances are you, better than anyone, understand the problem. The eligible bachelor seems to have a long list of potential marriage partners. The eligible "bachelorette" sits patiently by the telephone, hoping that it will ring with a suggestion of a possible suitor. As the telltale saying goes in shadchanus: "A boy needs a secretary, a girl needs an agent."

Low Self-Esteem and Reality

Whatever the reasons, the fact remains that the singles population is getting larger and older. I believe this dilemma is one of the difficult challenges of the birth pangs before the coming of the Moshiach! Although hopefully, most older singles do go on with their lives, studies, career, etc. the pain is there. Bitterness, shattered dreams, disappointments - you name it.

Without claiming to have the answers, I would like to explore the situation from one possible angle.

HaRav Avraham Yitzchok Kook with a Message for Today

From time to time, even in these times, there arise, to our chagrin, people seeking to uproot Torah from the Jewish people. We all know that the world is governed by Hashem, Who conducts it with compassion, and His creations with mercy. When men come and promulgate decrees, and Hashem allows them in their hearts to be enacted, even such decrees, we must concede, also derive from Hashem, coming to arouse us to what is expected of us in order that those decrees be annulled. Thus it was in the times of Purim when the Jews carried out all that Mordechai required, "...the dictum of fastings and outcries." These provided Esther with success in annulling the decrees.

We have seen this as well in the South when for years we relied on the protection of the border fence, believing that it was indestructible. At yet, within a short time, Hashem showed how it was breached, collapsing like a house of cards. In that decree, to our great pain, people were killed and others taken into captivity, and to this day, we are still in the very throes of this disaster, praying day by day that Hashem deliver us from it very speedily.

"If Hashem does not protect a city, in vain does a guard stand on guard." What truly protect us are the required efforts which we make to have Hashem watch over us. Were it not for this, "in vain does a watchman stand on guard."

Part I

Introduction

The following question, (which in fact had already been dealt with by the rishonim) was addressed to the RaDVa"Z (Shu"T 546). Why is chometz different from all the other things that the Torah prohibits?

The Torah itself forbids us to own or stock any chometz—we are commanded to search it out, burn it up and annul it. The Chachamim require us to look into every nook and cranny, cleaning it out from every place we can reach. They forbade its consumption even in the tiniest quantity—if it becomes mixed into other food, the whole mixture is forbidden...this degree of stringency is not found in any of the Torah's other prohibitions...

The RaDVa"z offers several answers, all of which he ultimately rejects in favor of the following idea: "I therefore base myself on what Chazal have said in the Midrash—that chometz on Pesach alludes to the yetzer hora, [which is termed] `the leaven in the dough.' A person must therefore completely drive out every trace from within himself, searching after it in every area of his thoughts. Even the tiniest amount of it cannot be ignored...this [explanation] is true and correct!"

Part One: The Tradition Of Stringency

Pshat And Remez Are One And The Same

Minister Amsalem presented a petition to the High Court, asking the government to draft all of the citizens, literally, including even Arab citizens. This plea is driving many various factions of the population crazy, regarding this as a joke of the court. It is inconceivable that judges sitting in the court be able to conscript Arabs to the army.

Arabs make up over 20% of the Israeli population, far more than the chareidi sector. Drafting them into the army or to public civilian service can provide the country with significant aid and save it billions of shekalim. On the other hand, withholding budgets from Arab educational institutions with students of draft age can boost the treasury with many billions of shekalim a month, far more than the few tens of millions which the government would save by doing so to those who study Torah.

But no one dares touch the Arabs. In one of the 'knitted kipah' national religious newspapers, a certain columnist wrote in sheer shock, "Do we wish to live in a country which requires symmetry between Arabs and chareidim? Given, we can talk about denying certain budgets and we can talk about providing certain benefits which Israeli Arabs plentifully receive without justification, but to compare mobilizing chareidi Jews alongside Arabs?"

Yes, why not? ...