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Opinion and Comment
Cheshbon Nefesh — Not Excuses!
by HaRav Yechezkel Eschayak Shlita
Let us imagine a person living several centuries back, sitting and contemplating the upcoming Rosh Hashonoh. He thinks and says: "Ribono Shel Olom, I truly wish to serve You and to study Your Torah all day and keep its commandments. But life's circumstances do not allow this. I must get up each morning and go out to work, for if I don't put in my day's work, I won't have what to eat. If, at the end of the day, I wish to study, I find it difficult since it is dark in the house, and in the summer, unbearably hot. The humidity makes me perspire heavily and I am bothered by pesky flies and mosquitoes. If I do sit down to study and get thirsty, I have to go all the way to the well to fetch some water. And then, the well water must be strained because it is stagnant.
"If some question arises, or if I must visit a relative, my choice is to get there by foot or by donkey. If I want bread, it must be baked at home, after the wheat kernels have been milled and sifted. If we desire meat, an animal must be slaughtered, degutted, salted and cooked fresh each day, for it will not keep long in the heat. Clothing must be washed by hand, and if it is made from thick material, it is very difficult to keep clean. If I wish to study Torah, I must acquire books, which are handwritten manuscripts transcribed by scribes and very costly. If I choose to go and hear a Torah lecture, I must make sure to come early and sit near the speaker, since there are many people and he has no way of amplifying his voice. If I wish to review what he has said, this, too, is very difficult since it has not been transcribed or recorded."
Here we are, in year 5763: we find ourselves replete with kollelim. Whosoever wishes to study Torah the whole day long is free to do so for the Torah is accessible. If he is hot, he can turn on the air conditioning. There is excellent lighting, no lack of printed texts, either to refer to in botei midroshim or to acquire at low cost. He can obtain cheap writing material. If he has questions in his private study, he can pick up the phone and ask them. But if he chooses to visit an authority in person, he can go by car or public transportation — cab, bus, plane etc. — and be where he wants in short notice. There is plentiful clothing to be had, and these can easily be laundered in washing machines. There is bread of all kinds, already baked and with the best supervision. He can order meat by phone and have it delivered to his home. He can refrigerate or freeze it for long term. Water is at hand's reach, from a tap in the wall, without any bother, without stepping out of his home. There are faxes, photostat machines, tape recorders. Lecturers to large audiences are provided with microphones for him to hear, and their shiurim can be broadcast afar or taped for future listening and review. And many more conveniences to make Torah accessible to us.
Today, everyone has a wrist watch; he can know the exact time at all times. A person need even not wind it up for it runs on batteries which are good for years! He can be woken up early by an alarm clock; he can buy a small pocket calendar which will tell him the exact hours of sunrise and sunset anywhere, any day. So we see that all of man's most far-fetched dreams have come true and many more conveniences that he couldn't conceive of are everyday realities.
And where does this all bring him? Here he is, Erev Rosh Hashonoh, thinking... He is beset by daily anxieties; if not for them, he would surely not budge from constant avodas Hashem. The excuses are there, and we need not go into them, but we need no wild imagination to dream up possible rationalizations for his not devoting himself to Torah. We mouth them, and hear them all around us.
The truth is that man must focus upon the kindnesses and countless opportunities provided in this world by Hashem. Tzaddikim see the mountains of impediments and turn them into molehills by their perseverance, while the wicked consider them negligible hair breadths, and they accumulate to mountains. It is all in the mind, in the imagination.
The source of these imaginations can be best understood by what is written in Chovos Halevovos, Shaar Yichud Hamaase. He says: Man — pay attention and know that your biggest enemy in this world is your yetzer, which is attracted to your particular human attributes and is merged into your spirit and disposition. It is a partner with you in the tempering of your senses, both physical and spiritual etc. It shares council in all of your movements, lies in ambush to impede your steps. It garbs itself in lamb's clothing of friendship but waits to aim its deadly arrows to catapult you out of this world. And even if you defeat it, it will return to battle again. Its purpose is to `truthify' what is false, to establish deceit. Although it takes only a bit of light to banish much darkness, when it sees that you are determined to turn your heart to prayer or Torah study, it will attempt to sabotage your actions by involving you in this-world matters and will confound you so that you forget your purpose and end. You will feel overwhelmed by all the demands on your time and attention, and keep putting off study for some other time. It will mouth holy excuses while keeping ahead of you and trying to waylay you and deceive you into following its advice... But a person must wake up and consult with his own conscience in seeking to outwit it. He must become ashamed of this evil inclination and turn away from it in his heart. He must rouse himself and make every effort that his deeds are devoted purely to the service of the Creator. And the little that is pure and wholesome is worth much, while that which is diluted and somewhat contaminated has no real value.
The primary advice for all this, writes R' Yitzchok Blazer zt'l in Ohr Yisroel (Cochvei Ohr, siman 10), involves the gemora in Kiddushin which tells about Plimo who had all kinds of sayings to intimidate and chase away the Soton. The gemora concludes there that a person should become accustomed to praying to Hashem that He help him overcome this evil inclination, for without divine assistance, there is no way that a person can overcome it. The yetzer renews its frontal attack each day, and without Hashem's help, he would never succeed in defeating it. The first way to combat the Soton is through prayer.
May Hashem truly help us for His sake! Amen.
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