It seems that the "Lost Child" from Parshas VaYeitze's LIFE'S
JOURNEYS agitated many people. For one thing, they apparently
did not realize that the writer was not the one to whom the
events happened, even though she wrote in the first person.
This even though the facts are correct, if disguised, they
are only being reported and not from experience.
One reader from England: " . . . was horrified and disgusted
upon reading your article: the lost child. As a chareidi
newspaper, you should be more responsible when publishing
such articles. If the woman concerned was incapable of
looking after her child, she should not be having
children.
"It is clearly better that the children should wear worn
shoes then to lose a child.
"Such ridiculous articles give ammunition to anti chareidi /
Large family groups."
*
My immediate email reply was:
Certainly, if the mother had been given the choice, she would
have opted for the child rather than the new shoes. Don't you
think that Heaven destined that child to get lost? Did she
behave differently than any fairly responsible mother of a
hyperactive child?! How can you blame anyone after the act in
such cases when they cannot be held altogether
accountable?
I think your letter is terribly insensitive and I was
horrified and disgusted. Think of all the people who lost
children by so many ways, myself included, and constantly ask
themselves if they could have changed history! May we not be
tested in such extreme ways!
[The editor]
*
AND THEN, WE GOT ANOTHER LETTER, much more
appropriate:
No one should know of such things . . . May Hashem comfort
her. But there are some points I would like to take up,
nevertheless. I was expecting to read something like, "The
police said there was nothing more they could do," and/or
"the private investigator found no leads . . . " or "the Rov
told us to stop looking." But there was no mention of any
hishtadlus done to find her son.
A person doesn't just `disappear' . . . Even forty years
later, it is still possible to find him. I am sure it is a
mitzvah/obligation to search.
I was also disturbed that this woman had to schlepp all 8
children to the shoe store. Couldn't she have asked a friend
or neighbor to watch at least some of the others? One
shouldn't be ashamed to ask for favors. We are a community of
chessed. Probably one of the older children could take
care of the young one/s by a neighbor.
I hope this helps someone . . . My greatest sympathies and
prayers for the subjects of the article.
N.S. Banschick, Jerusalem
*
THE AUTHOR REPLIES:
This story is from a woman I counselled a few years ago. Of
course, there were years of investigation (I don't know when
they stopped) and this woman never stopped hoping to find her
son. She said that I could use her story if I changed all
identifying features. Therefore, I can't reveal the name of
the city or the nature of the investigations afterward.
I was surprised by that first letter. Mothers should have
compassion for each other; this story was told to provide a
lesson for all of us. This woman did not have a neighbor or
baby-sitter available and certainly didn't anticipate such
tragic consequences (there are many women who take a whole
bunch of children shopping as a pleasant outing, a treat).
Of course this mother never fully recovered from her loss
(would any of us?). [Ed: Which is why she may have needed
that counselling.]
