It was in the middle of the winter z'man. The Beis
Hamedrash was filled with men of all stripes and types
hunched over their gemoras and seforim. The
noise level was even and pleasant with the occasional excited
exclamation of understanding. Mendy sat on the right side of
the room, leaning his shoulder against the wall. He, too, sat
bent over his gemora, yet the seat beside him was
empty. He was waiting for his chavrusa to make his
appearance. While he waited, he stroked his beard and looked
into his sefer. He was advancing well with Ze'evi, but
with him missing so much lately, Mendy was debating if he
should look for another chavrusa.
"It's as though he thinks he's the only one who ever had a
firstborn," Mendy chuckled to himself.
He waited another hour, then softly closed his gemora.
He felt that all he was doing lately was waiting. Waiting for
Ze'evi to show up. Waiting for his younger roommates to clean
up after themselves. Waiting for the bus that would take him
to the Kosel. Waiting and waiting and waiting for his brother
Aaron to get himself married or at least engaged. He sighed
as he fell into his usual thoughts.
What would become of him? It was three years since he felt
ready to go into shidduchim. It was three years since
the feeling of loneliness washed over him. He wanted a wife
to come home to after a day of learning. He had nothing
against his roommates, but they were becoming a little
annoying lately. Beside, twenty-year-old Kalman was getting
married in two weeks, and two other guys barely out of their
teens were engaged. How much longer could a young man
wait?
Mendy stood up and made his way outside. It was chilly and
wet, which suited him just fine. He huddled into the white
bricks of the yeshiva building and wrapped his arms tightly
around his chest.
Should he wait around for Aaron or not? Was it right to get
married before an older brother? He had asked himself this
question for the past year now and he wasn't any closer to an
answer. However, he knew that the time had come to make a
decision. He felt like he was plotzing already. Either
he waited for Aaron to get engaged and went out of his mind
or he skipped over Aaron and entered the shidduch
scene in a sane mental state.
He knew, of course, that if he did go into shidduchim,
he would ask Aaron's permission first and if he found his
zivug before his older brother, then he would ask for
mechillah. But was it fair to hurt an older sibling's
feelings? He knew deep inside that if his younger brother did
that to him it would pinch his heart, more than just a bit.
He was so unsure and felt so confused.
The wind howled all around him. The cold chilled his bones.
If only Hashem would place the answer into his hands. Large
droplets of rain came gushing down from the dark skies. Mendy
smiled, " . . . but it didn't come with a yes or a no," he
whispered as he ran inside the yeshiva.
A few weeks passed in the same confusion and tumult in
Mendy's twenty-four-year-old mind. He didn't see any signs
pointing him in either direction. One day, when yet another
shidduch with Aaron didn't work out, Mendy's patience
finally burst.
"It's just not meant for Aaron to get married!" he decided.
"And I'm not waiting until I'm old and grey to get started!
I'm going to begin NOW!"
He held the decision in his head for a week. He turned it
this way and that, looking at it from every side and enjoying
the calm and peace that came along with a decision finally
reached. At the end of the week, he placed an overseas call
to his parents. He could almost hear them nod over the long
distance of the telephone.
After a long minute, his father spoke up. "Did you discuss
this decision with anybody?"
"No, you two are actually the first ones that I am
informing," Mendy replied.
His father was silent, then said. "You mean you reached this
decision all on your own?"
With pride in his voice, Mendy answered, "Yes."
His father reacted in surprise. He explained to him that a
decision like this needed the guidance of a Rosh Yeshiva, a
Rav, a Mashgiach. Why hadn't he thought about this
himself?
Mendy couldn't understand his father's reasoning.
"I know what every Rosh Yeshiva and Rav would answer me," he
insisted. "They would all say to go ahead. I'm twenty-four
already!"
"I know all that," his father stated. "But every major
decision needs consultation. You can't take it for granted
that you will know what they will answer. Even if they do
answer what you expect them to, they see the larger picture.
Besides, what they tell you comes with an assurance that you
are doing the right thing and the decision will be with their
blessing."
Mendy didn't agree. "There's nothing to ask!" he insisted.
His father wouldn't take `no' for an answer. Mendy finally
agreed and hung up.
That evening, Mendy went to see the Rosh Yeshiva, only to
learn that he was attending a wedding out of town and would
be home very late. Disappointed, Mendy walked back to Yeshiva
and on the way, he passed by a different Yeshiva. On the spur
of the moment, he decided to go inside and see if their Rosh
Yeshiva was there. He was.
Mendy waited a couple of minutes until the Rosh Yeshiva was
able to see him. He looked around the Yeshiva and let his
mind wander.
He hoped that he had done the right thing by coming inside
and asking a question to a Rosh Yeshiva who didn't know him
personally. He wasn't sure this was a wise move at all, but
he figured that since he was here already, he might as well
ask. The Rosh Yeshiva, with kind eyes and a wide smile,
invited him inside his little office. Mendy told him about
the situation with Aaron and how he felt that he couldn't
wait anymore. The Rosh Yeshiva stroked his beard slowly and
asked a couple of questions. Mendy answered them. The Rosh
Yeshiva nodded and said that it was definitely permissible to
go ahead.
Mendy nodded. He had been right all along. He had known that
this is what the Rosh Yeshiva would say. He wondered why his
father had insisted that he ask, when the answer was as clear
and defined as black and white.
Mendy thanked the Rosh Yeshiva and stood up to leave. When he
reached the door, the Rosh Yeshiva suddenly called him
back.
"Tell me some details about your brother Aaron," he asked.
Mendy described Aaron and what he was looking for.
After listening carefully, the Rosh Yeshiva said.
"Did you ever hear about the "Z" family from New Jersey? I
know the father very well. They have a daughter that might be
suitable for Aaron. Look into it."
Mendy thanked the Rosh Yeshiva again and left.
As soon as he came to his dorm, he placed a call to his
parents and relayed the conversation that he had with the
Rosh Yeshiva.
His parents didn't waste any time and called up some people
for information on the "Z" family. They liked what they heard
and so did Aaron. They involved a shadchan and three
weeks later, Aaron was engaged to Tovoh Z.
When they drank l'chaim, Mendy was sitting in the Beis
Medrash saying Tehillim. He was sure that Hashem had made the
shidduch happen now so that he wouldn't have a chance
to hurt Aaron's feelings. He also knew that Hashem definitely
had pointed him in the right direction and taught him a
lesson for life. Even if he knows what the Rabbanim will say,
his duty is still to ask. And then he has to leave the rest
in Hashem's Hands.
