I was playing Scrabble one evening with a group of articulate
women. One of the women, an older lady who had invited me to
play, is very aristocratic, aside from the high British
accent. If you intended to go meet the Queen and needed some
lessons in nobility, I would send you to her. She's also very
good-natured and fun and, well, good at Scrabble.
I happen to love Scrabble, but I don't have patience to sit
and figure out all the possible letter permutations. So
though my vocabulary is rich (except for all those obscure
words in Scrabble that get you 70 points), my strategy is
poor.
So we began to play and I put down a word and she suggested
ever so nicely that I put the word another way so that I get
double points.
"You're not supposed to help me," I told her.
With a dignified wave she said, "But see, if you know these
little tricks, you can get many more points."
A few turns later, she chose to put down a word of less value
so that we could open up the board and it would be a more
interesting game.
"I don't think you understand the concept of the game," I
said lightly. "You're supposed to try to win." She smiled a
winning smile.
In the end she did win but she was very gracious and made me
feel that I had played very well and that the difference in
our scores wasn't that significant. It was. Well, since she
had put down one of those seven letter words and got doubles
on some of the letters, it would have been a miracle if I had
caught up.
This lady plays very much by the rules of Scrabble, but she
lives the rules of refinement. I'm very competitive and I
play to win. I didn't. She spent the game teaching me how to
improve, smiling at me, encouraging and complimenting my game
and striving to make the game more pleasant for both of us.
So we both won because, somehow, I didn't feel like I had
lost the game at all.
In the game of life (the real thing, not the board game), it
really is hardly a question of whether you win or lose but
how you play the game. In fact, how you play the game
actually ultimately determines whether you win or lose. It's
all process. And if we focus on refining the process by being
gallant and kind, generous and encouraging instead of
competitive, self-absorbed and aggressive, then we actually
all win.
So let's all play nice.
