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Home
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The Written Word
by R. Chadshai
The art of writing is in danger of becoming obsolete.
Nevertheless, there are many occasions when a short note is a
very useful channel of communication. Obviously, there is the
ubiquitous email, but not yet everyone has access to it and
furthermore, a written note may achieve its aim more
readily.
There are those who do not express themselves easily, or
clearly, in times of stress or crises. They always wish they
had thought of saying something else at the appropriate time.
A well thought out letter will serve his purpose splendidly.
When two people have had a strong disagreement and neither
can bring himself to back down, a small note often works
wonders. Moreover, there is therapy through writing; when
severely traumatized people are encouraged to write letters,
even to those who are no longer alive. This therapy really
does work.
For example, Chana had worked herself up to a responsible
position but felt that the terms of employment were not quite
fair. Every time she plucked up enough courage to speak to
her boss, something happened to prevent her from doing so. In
truth, she became nervous and tongue-tied just at the thought
of voicing her grievances. Eventually, she decided to put it
all down on paper. On paper she could revise, edit, change,
make sure that each word was respectful and that there were
no double meanings. After reading through the final draft, in
order to make sure that the letter was respectful enough and
that she had not omitted a single point, she laid it on the
boss's desk. The boss saw it in the morning, before her
employee arrived. At first, she was annoyed at the numerous
demands, but on second thought, after she had read it again,
she realized how respectful and polite the letter was, and
that Chana's requests were justified.
Communication between parents and teenagers is frequently
very difficult, indeed. In this case, a note left on the
child's pillow expressing love and support can work wonders.
Alternatively, shamefaced teenagers might employ the same
tactic in order to apologize for some outrageous behavior.
It is a fact that fifteen years on, many teenagers have
totally forgotten that they ever behaved in an unreasonable
way. But they will keep these notes and read them
repeatedly.
A young couple went to live abroad, and as the year wore on,
the wife became increasingly tense and irritable. The
problem, of which her husband was unaware, was utterly
trivial, but to her, when she cleaned up the small flat after
he had gone to kollel, it was huge, major. She was
advised to write a letter, being careful to avoid any
aggression. The contents of the letter? 'Darling, I know it
is a small thing, but for me it is gaining larger and larger
proportions. I do not like picking your socks off the floor.
Nor your shirts or ties, or anything else. Please would you
put them in the laundry hamper, each day? I love you.' He
hardly ever forgot after that and, as far as I know, they
lived 'happily ever after.'
The written word can 'let off steam.' As in therapy through
writing, a letter does not have to be sent to achieve its
purpose. That is the advantage of a personal diary: it can be
the recipient of all your confidential and innermost
feelings; you can get it all off your chest, without hurting
anyone's feelings. Moreover, you are convinced that the diary
will never betray your confidence. A diary with a lock is a
wonderful present for a young girl who has a bent for
writing. It will not argue or criticize; it will understand
her, and absorb all her worries during this turbulent time in
her life. However, a really disturbed person will need a
human confidant, besides his diary, to listen to his problems
and help him solve them.
An experienced teacher of fourteen-year-old girls says that
she insists on weekly written communication with the parents,
in the same way as they did in Grade 1. She will not accept
verbal excuses, or those written on little scraps of paper.
They have to be written in the communication diary. In this
way, the girl will not be able to deny that she missed twenty-
four sessions that term, and was late sixteen times.
Secondly, she feels that the good girls benefit greatly from
the words of praise either she, the teacher, or the mother,
writes in the diary. Furthermore, if there is little progress
one term, the girl has only to leaf through her diary to
become aware of the lower standard.
This teacher distributed sheets of blank paper to the class
one day, and instructed them to write two good features or
characteristics about each girl. At the end of the lesson,
each girl received a sheaf of papers, listing her good
qualities. One girl who must have read and reread the remarks
about herself, became wonderfully positive and confident; her
marks improved, and she was a changed person.
If small children are encouraged to write regularly, it will
stand them in good stead for the rest of their lives. There
are still families who write weekly letters to grandparents
who live in a different country. Their writing skills improve
tremendously, and the grandparents are up to date with the
children's daily lives. They learn when a child loses a
tooth, when he gets a good mark in a test, and even when he
falls and grazes his knee. Other children keep the same
contact with grandparents by telephone, but it does not make
the same impression. Letters can be read and read again, and
even filed by some doting grandparents.
I will end this short article with a verbatim quote of a
letter which a child left on her mother's pillow. This child
of eight has already perfected the art of written
communication. . .Can any mother refuse this request,
sandwiched between two compliments? "Dear Mummy, I love you
with all my hart and so. (presumably soul) Please will you
buy me a new dress like all the other girls then I will not
be embarrassed. Thank you for making us such nice dinners
every day."
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