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Personality Disorders
by A.Ross, M.Ed
Almost everyone who suffers from a personality disorder of
any kind, will either deny its existence, or be proud of the
fact that s/he is more intelligent than others, or is more
particular than other people, or more of a perfectionist, as
this article will show. Generally, only those in close
contact with the ailing (if that is the right definition)
person, will be aware of the defect. As a result, not only
will the disturbed person refute any suggestion that s/he is
the cause of the problem, they will refuse to consider any
treatment which might bring about an improvement in their
behavior.
What is 'normal' and what is 'abnormal,' i.e. disordered? For
example, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder only becomes
'abnormal' if it disturbs a person's life. If someone's
habits do not disrupt their work or their personal lives, and
if they do not disturb the spouse unduly, it is not a
significant disorder. Humans are not made to fit into the
same mold. All of us are different, and have our own habits
and idiosyncrasies.
Psychologists have a name or a label for most disorders and
although, as mentioned, many disturbed people refuse to ask
for advice because they do not feel that there is anything
amiss, their family or friends, who have to live with them,
might be seeking help for themselves. The Diagnostic and
Statistical Manual IV of mental disorders (DSM IV) identifies
ten distinct personality disorders. This short article will
mention some of the disorders and the reader may recognize a
neighbor, friend, workmate, one of the family or even himself
in the description. Personality disorders are not illnesses
as such. However, they frequently have a strong impact on the
sufferer and his family.
Someone who has violent mood swings, with frequent outbursts
of temper, or fits of uncontrolled weeping, may have
Borderline Personality Disorder (B.P.D). So called because he
has a personality which is on the borderline between
neurosis, like panic attacks or depression, and psychosis,
when he is detached from reality. His interpersonal
relationships are unstable, he will attach himself to
someone, as a close personal friend, only to drop the
friendship because of some imagined slight. His self-image
goes to extremes; sometimes he is fine, then suddenly he
claims that nobody understands him, and that they are always
insulting him: so he is either severely depressed, or in a
terrible rage much of the time. Unfortunately, about four
percent of the total Western population suffers from
B.P.D.
One who has Antisocial Personality Disorder finds it
difficult to get along with other people. He does not care
about the moral and social standards in the local culture.
These people are sometimes called psychopaths or sociopaths.
They show no respect for other people, and are impulsive,
irresponsible, and callous, showing no remorse for the hurt
they inflict on others. In short, it is difficult to get
along with them.
Someone who has more than the usual amount of normal self-
respect and pride in himself, has the disorder commonly known
as Narcissism. This is an excessive valuation of the self,
which may amount to mental disorder. Strangely enough, he,
(or she) will not show this side of himself to his superiors
at work. In fact, because of his high self-esteem, they will
admire his efficiency and soon grant him promotion. After
all, there is nothing like blowing your own trumpet!
Once he has gained a high position, he will not mind stepping
on his benefactors; in short, biting the hand which fed him.
Because of his conceit, it is very difficult to live with a
narcissist. The spouse may put up with his behavior for many
years, partly because he can be very pleasant when everything
revolves only around him and his wishes; and partly because
that is the way it was from the start of the marriage. He has
a compulsive need to be admired by others: is hypersensitive
to the opinion of others and refuses to see the point of view
of anyone else. A subordinate or junior at work, will
probably look for another job!
Paranoid Personality Disorder marks a person who believes,
without any reason, that others are trying to harm or deceive
him. He is unforgiving and harbors a grudge against anyone
whom he feels has slighted him. He is a 'cold' person,
thinking that others are out to deceive him or are unfaithful
and disloyal. He is often jealous and secretive and extremely
serious.
The sufferers of Dependent Personality Disorder have a marked
lack of decisiveness and self-confidence. In fact, they are
unable to make any decisions by themselves and are forever
phoning their friends or spouses for advice on the most
mundane choices in their daily lives. They will agree with
everyone, not voicing any opinions of their own. Many of
these disorders are the direct result of the person's
education and upbringing. The sufferers of this disorder are
mainly women, who, if they are fortunate enough to have a
kind, very patient and understanding husband, can in part,
overcome their problem.
There are highly sensitive people who are always taking
offense when none was intended; there are those people who
are always finding fault, criticizing and picking quarrels:
others have such a high opinion of themselves, with a
correspondingly low opinion of everyone else, that if
something goes wrong, they lapse into a severe depression.
There are the abrasive personalities, of whom we steer clear,
and those who make any excuse in order to avoid mixing with
people they hardly know (Avoidant Personality Disorder).
These latter are upset by their inability to make friends and
are fearful of any criticism, in case they blush or begin to
cry.
If we look around, or even examine ourselves, we might fit
most of the community into one of these categories. Does this
mean we all have a personality disorder? In some cultures, it
is the norm for people to consult a psychologist; they have
their personal 'shrink' about whom they speak to their
friends. However, not everyone has the time and the
wherewithal to indulge in this pastime. Moreover, those who
need it, will not agree to go, anyway.
Children and teenagers frequently have mood swings and
emotional imbalance. Psychologists are reluctant to label a
person till he is an adult. Nevertheless, if you have a
child, friend or loved one who is perfectly normal but
behaves in such a way that his work, social live, or private
life are severely disrupted, do try to convince them to get
help, or as parents, concentrate on helping him overcome his
difficulties, before he matures.
It does not always need to be a psychologist. A Rov, or
mashgiach who is used to dealing with problems of
interpersonal relationships, might help the sufferer to work
on his middos. After all, most interpersonal
relationships depend on middos. As mentioned, there
are people who are proud of their personality and claim 'this
is how I am,' or 'that's the way I'm made; I can't help it,'
but a person can, and should change throughout his life.
Apart, or in conjunction with working on one's character
traits, there are many types of treatment available for
personality disorders. One thing many of them have in common,
is a fear of criticism, and a need for praise and attention.
Even a Narcissist, who thinks so highly of himself, thrives
on constant praise. (Don't we all prefer praise to
criticism?) Psychotherapy or behavior therapy help a person
see the conflicts that are causing their symptoms, and aim at
reducing the behavior patterns that are causing the
difficulties in everyday life. For instance, a woman with
Dependent Personality Disorder can be shown how to write down
a recipe for soup, and go out to buy just the ingredients she
will need, without consulting her husband. Group therapy is
often helpful, as is medication, for some disorders.
May we all learn to live in peace and harmony with each
other, in good mental and physical health.
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