"Do you hate yourself because you are overweight?
"If our feelings about ourselves are too tied up with how we
look, then we need help to see ourselves in a positive light
before we add the extra stress of the diet."
Some physiology, some psychology, plus some good old Jewish
hashkofoh.
About NOT dieting, for a change . . .
There's always a lot of talk about weight and the need for
people to diet. There are known health risks to being
overweight, so we are all being encouraged to shed the extra
weight, or even better, not to gain it in the first place.
And that's where the diets come in. But if we look at the
language of diets, we can see a problem.
A person 'goes on' a diet. She 'tries a diet.' 'Have you
tried this one (or that one)?' You have to 'find the right
diet' to suit you. This would seem to indicate that diets are
temporary 'things' that one 'does' to achieve a certain aim,
and then one gets back to normal. There is also a strong
moral element to the language. Looking 'good' means being
thin. Being 'good' means keeping to the diet. We talk of food
one 'is allowed', and eating 'forbidden food,' or 'cheating.'
Thin is 'good,' fat is 'bad.' Now, I am no expert on diets,
and I know that people successfully lose weight using them.
But I do know a bit about psychology, and more than a bit
about physiology.
Firstly the physiology. The body makes fat because we are
created for survival, not the fashion industry. If there is
excess food (calories), then the body stores the extra in
case of future lean times. Fat also plays an important role
in warmth. And during pregnancy, fat is laid down to ensure
an ample rich milk supply for the infant. It makes perfect
sense, and I'm sure that in the course of human history, this
mechanism has saved many lives.
In the present era, the issue of food is not its lack, but
its abundance. Also, given the type of processed foods
available, food has altered beyond recognition. Some obese
people are actually malnourished. We have the dubious
luxury in this generation of living long enough to die of
obesity-related illness. In the past, few lived long enough
for that to be the main health issue. Malnutrition,
infectious diseases and dying in childbirth were far more
serious concerns.
When we eat, the food is broken down and used for several
things. For growth (in children) and repair and replacement
of the body cells and tissues. The food also supplies energy
for two main things: maintenance (just being alive uses
energy — and this is called the metabolic rate), and
energy to perform all our activities.
The body can never know in advance each day's energy needs,
or how regular or calorific the meals will be. Also, we
cannot release all the energy from a meal into the blood at
one time, but it needs to be released in a steady stream,
with adjustments made when energy output changes. For this
reason, there is always some food put into storage in the
liver, and according to our energy output, so will it be
released into the blood. This occurs very quickly. Fat, on
the other hand, will only be used as a last resort, and is
broken down slowly. One needs to think of the body as what it
is, a survival machine.
In order to lose weight, there has to be a deficit. We have
to convince our bodies to take out of storage (lose fat).
When we try to lose weight, we have to decrease the calorie-
energy input (eat less), and increase the output
(exercise).
There are diets that work on a different philosophy
altogether, and revolve around a premise that the body will
use food differently (less efficiently?) if certain foods are
eaten separately from one another, or certain food groups are
left out. But regardless of the type of diet, we are trying
to make our bodies give up its store. This often has the
consequence of convincing the body that those lean times have
come and this causes a lowering of the metabolic rate, and an
increase in the body's storage efficiency. The consequences
of this are very significant.
One consequence is that the vast majority of people who lose
weight successfully, gain it back again, often with interest,
within two years. This is because most people go 'on' diets,
and then 'off' them when they are 'finished.' When they go
off the diet, the body is quick to lay in stores in case
another famine (diet) comes. Therefore, in each cycle, it
gets progressively harder to lose the weight and keep it off.
The evidence is that for most people, diets do not work in
the long term. Weight loss has to be accompanied by
significant and permanent lifestyle changes. It is also
becoming clear that cyclic dieting (going up and down in
weight) is more dangerous than just staying fat.
People differ in a number of significant ways. Firstly, some
people seem to use up more energy for living. This is called
having a higher metabolic rate. People also differ greatly in
their ability to store fat, and some bodies are more wasteful
than others. People also have different-sized bones, so one
can get three people who are 5'3", one of whom has a shoe
size 4 (37), another 6 (39) and still another 8 (41).
These differences show themselves in the great variety of
body shapes we observe. This variety exists even in times or
places when food is not as abundant as now. There will still
be fat and thin people. In societies where not having enough
food is an issue, then being fatter is considered healthy,
and often, beautiful as well. In some places, there are
naturally thin children who are force-fed to become fat!
Unfortunately, society's attitude to weight has more
influence over us than information about potential health
problems. We absorb the prevalent attitudes about how it is
'good' to look, and the health issues are really by the
way.
If you want to lose weight, consider the following points
before you start your next diet: * On a diet, you will have
to feel hungry or deprived in some way. Many diets ensure us
that we will not feel hungry, and often tell us that we can
eat as much as we like (at least of certain foods). Even if
this is true, the body can weigh and measure calories with
uncanny accuracy. If your body is used to a certain calorie
intake, you will feel the lack if you take in less. And
whatever diet you are on, you will have to restrain your hand
at kiddushim, stop yourself from being your children's
garbage disposal unit, and be careful not to eat impulsively.
And you will have to keep up your guard in the long term if
you don't want the weight back again.
* You will need to think a lot more about food: You will need
to think about what to eat, and make sure you have planned
ahead, and bought what you need. You will have to look at the
quantities you eat, in some cases weighing and measuring. Or
you will have to look at the types of food you eat. Can you
make a satisfying meal that you like with the food types you
are allowed?
* Diets take time: You will need to make sure your life has
the time for the thinking, planning and extra cooking that
may be necessary. Checking vegetables can be very time
consuming, especially the dieter's favorites, lettuce, leek
and cabbage. Also, you will need time for exercise to become
a long-term part of your life.
* Diets, and healthy eating in general, are, unfortunately,
more expensive: Fresh orange juice costs more than cheap
syrup, or cola. A cucumber can cost twice the price of a
package of potato chips (crisps). Buying lettuce that doesn't
need checking can be very costly (at least here in
England).
The consequence of these points is that diets can be very
stressful.
Now to the psychology.
Let's look at us overweight mothers, not the children or men,
each of which has its own causes and possible solutions. Why
are we overweight or fat? Is it because we eat at MacDonald's
and watch too much T.V?
Let's face it, our being fat is generally caused by gaining
weight during pregnancy, and finding the demands of the new-
born, toddlers, teenagers (!) and those in between very time-
consuming and stressful. We hardly sit down all day, and then
we are told we don't get enough exercise! We eat on the go,
what we can, when we can.
Many of us suffer, if not from full blown post-natal
depression, then a sort of mild sub-clinical depression,
caused by swinging hormones, chronic lack of sleep, having
overwhelming demands made on us: anxiety about family
relationships, children, money, etc. etc.
Food may be much more to us than fueling our bodies. We often
find that certain foods calm us, or make us feel pampered
(and don't we need that sometimes?). And the truth is that
chocolate really does help stress, and can be addictive (at
least mildly so). As mothers in the kitchen, we are around
food all the time, and for some women, this is a major
problem.
It seems that there are different types of dieters. The first
are ladies whose weight has always been 'within the normal
range,' and whose regular eating and exercise patterns are
good ones that do not normally lead to a weight increase.
However some 'event' (often pregnancy) causes an increase in
weight. If a woman now 'goes on a diet,' her weight will go
back to normal, and she will stay like that. Such a woman
doesn't need the lifestyle changes we are talking about;
she's already conscious of what she eats. Women like this,
and the women that never seem to gain weight in the first
place, unwittingly make all the rest of us look and feel like
hopeless failures!
Another type of dieter has had a high body weight since she
can remember, and on and off over the years, she has
struggled to lose weight, but somehow, whether it's a month
or two years later, the weight has crept back on again. This
type of dieter is often on the lookout for new diets to try,
and is especially vulnerable to the hype about the easy diet
that 'works every time.'
Then there are ladies who remember their slim days, and hate
the look of themselves, and are also caught in cyclic
dieting. Often, this cycle is peppered with guilt and self-
loathing. It goes like this. 'I hate myself because I'm fat.
I look disgusting, it shows what an awful un-together person
I am, etc.'
The diet starts with the high motivation of 'this time I am
going to keep it; you wait and see.' The weight comes off,
and then the going gets tough; there's a Yom Tov, a
simchah, a stressful situation, and the diet slips.
"I've blown it! I can't do anything right; it's a waste of
time to even try!"
She now eats more than usual because she has felt so deprived
while on the diet, but she hates herself all the time for
over-eating. After a while she settles down, finds she's back
to square one or worse, and resolves to start all over
again.
To avoid this cyclic dieting, before you try the next diet,
consider the following questions:
1) Do you hate yourself because you are overweight? Our
intrinsic value is regardless of our external appearance. If
our feelings about ourselves are too tied up with how we
look, then we need help to see ourselves in a positive light
before we add the extra stress of the diet.
2) Do you think your thin neighbor is more put together,
competent, and geshickt than you are? Another
unhealthy attitude.
3) Do you turn to food when under stress? If you eat when
stressed, then you cannot expect to lose weight and keep it
off unless you can change how you deal with stress, or get
rid of the stress. Just telling yourself that you are going
to control yourself this time (i.e. during this diet) is self-
deceiving. But even if it were true, and you control yourself
long enough to lose the weight, will you control yourself the
rest of your life?
4) Is your life particularly stressful at the moment? There
are better and worse times to try to lose weight. Losing
weight has to be 'weighed' against all our other priorities.
Some women find that if they diet when the nursing baby is
still young then the baby gets more cranky, and in some cases
does not gain enough weight. Often by the time we have
reached a quieter period of our lives, when the babies have
grown, we have also reached the age where losing weight is
even more difficult. Know yourself, and your limitations.
5) Have you time for exercise in your life? Health-wise, it
may be more significant to get some mild exercise and improve
your general fitness than to lose weight (only to gain it
back again). You will also feel a lot better physically and
psychologically.
6) Are there practical ways in your area to get exercise? Is
it safe to walk, and is there someone to go with? Are there
classes or swimming sessions at prices you can afford at a
good time for you? There's no point in saying you'll exercise
if there are too many 'buts...' [As for those concerned with
community health, providing low-cost, tzniusdik
exercise opportunities, at convenient times (don't guess what
they are — ask!) or with childcare facilities will be
greatly appreciated. And success should not be measured in
pounds and kilos, but in general fitness and improved
feelings of well-being.]
7) Do you want to lose weight? You can't lose weight because
your mother or your teenage daughter want you to. Not even
for your husband. At the end of the day (especially a long
hard one, when you want to reach for the chocolate), you have
to do it for yourself. You need to analyze your reasons, and
your level of motivation. Being jealous of the neighbor is
not sufficient motivation. It's a nice motivator to reward
yourself for success, but the real motivation has to come
from within.
8) Do you have a realistic goal for weight loss? Are you 45
and still dreaming of the waistline you had at 20? Do you
just want a healthier, fitter body that feels good (you just
want to see your toes again!), or do you want to be body
beautiful? Can you accept that your ideal weight may be at
the upper end of the 'ideal weight' graph, not the lower?
Will you be happy if, from a health perspective you're okay,
but you're not looking as 'good' as you would like?
9) All things considered, do you have the resolve, time,
energy and money to devote to losing weight and keeping it
off?
In summary, women have to move away from the shame they
feel about themselves because of their shape. And while no
one would argue about the health benefits of being a good
weight, we have to look at the whole picture.
Our weight problems, such as they are, are not caused in the
same way as in the non-Jewish world. Neither can our
solutions be the same as theirs. One can definitely consider
weight gain as an occupational hazard of having a large
family. There are many others, and unless the weight gain is
extreme, it's not the worst of them.
Many women have unhealthy attitudes about themselves and/or
an unhealthy relationship with food (using food to cope).
Instead of obsessing about our weight, we should be working
on accepting ourselves, and our limitations. We worry what
others think of us. Perhaps they think that we don't care how
we look, or that we have no self-control. Perhaps others do
think that, but that's their problem.
We should work on developing healthy, Torah-based attitudes
to our bodies and the food we eat, as well as getting rid of
guilt about our weight, (and while we're about it, we can
dump the guilt about a lot of other things as well). Of
course, this, like all growth, is a lifetime's work, and
often needs someone with whom to talk it through.
Focus on spiritual and emotional growth, and work on making
the long-term attitudinal changes needed to make you more
spiritually and psychologically healthy. Then find healthier
ways to deal with the stresses in your life, and move towards
the kind of thought patterns that make permanent weight loss
a possibility. Even if you never lose weight you will still
have become a better person.
If dieting is not the way forward for you, then consider
trying to introduce one session a week of exercise, like a
class, walking or swimming. Something you enjoy. Instead of
turning your whole life upside down for a diet, try eating
about a third less of your regular food at each meal. Try to
contain the noshing while not committing yourself to long-
term abstinence.
Don't obsess about food, but don't not think about it either.
If you don't lose, at least you won't gain more. For long-
term success, the important things are: the slower you lose
weight the greater the chance of it staying off. And the less
you have to put yourself out, change your life, or add stress
to your life because of a weight-loss program, the more
likely you are to succeed.
