The government is busy erecting the security fence on the
hillside across from my neighborhood. We are all watching
intently as the drama unfolds before our eyes. Every day, a
procession of flatbed trucks arrives, laden with the gray
concrete panels which will be used to construct the fence.
It is very clear that the trucks filled with panels, moving
eastward to the construction site, are on their way to do
their job and the empty ones heading westward have completed
their mission.
In life, few things are that simple or straightforward. In
fact, when someone is overwhelmed with work and can't seem to
get her act together, she will often tell you she is so busy
that she doesn't know if she is coming or going.
To further complicate the picture, there are times that one
has to go in a direction opposite the one that would seem to
be correct in order to get to the place one wishes to reach.
Rebbetzin Tzipporah Heller points out that one of the first
things Neve girls have to learn is that in order to reach the
city center, which is due east of Har Nof (where the Neve
Yerushalayim campus is located), one has to board a westbound
bus.
The student eventually discovers that the bus weaves in and
out of the streets of Har Nof in all directions before it
leaves that community to travel east to its destination. But
try explaining to a girl who has just arrived in Eretz
Yisroel that she is waiting on the correct side of the
street. She knows she wants to go eastward into town this
morning, but right now she is busy squinting into the rising
sun, looking to see if there is a bus coming from the east
— just the direction in which she wants to go! How
confusing!
In the field of outreach, it would seem that one should sit
down with any prospective baal teshuva, tell him the
mistakes he is making, write down the address of the local
yeshiva that deals with these issues and send him off on his
way. However, that is seldom the optimal way to handle such a
person. I say "seldom" because there are truly remarkable
stories of how Rabbi Meir Shuster literally picked people off
the Western Wall, escorted them to a taxi, and took them to
yeshiva or seminary — and the people stayed, learned
and completely changed their lifestyles.
However, for each of these remarkable success stories, there
are hundreds of others who said, after a day or two, "Hey,
that was cool," and went back to college, none the wiser.
In the outreach seminar that I attended, we were advised to
get to know the person we are dealing with, to become an
active listener, and to pick up on what would really spark
his interest. It may seem a waste of time to spend hours of
conversation with someone just to see if you can interest him
or her in something that just might further his or her Jewish
connection. But it works.
Every Jew has a spark of Yiddishkeit buried somewhere deep
down inside. By talking about what brought him to Israel,
where he comes from, his college major or anything else that
will give you a window into this person, you are getting
closer to that spark.
But some people resent having a stranger pry into their
lives. For people like this, talking about general things or
superficial things is less threatening. "That's a nice t-
shirt. I really like the way it gets across the message,"
doesn't seem to be the way to reach someone's true essence,
but it is a good starting place.
There are some people who don't talk much. It doesn't matter
what the topic; they don't seem to have much to say. If you
ask them a question, you get a nod or a one word answer. How
do you draw out a person like that? Get him involved in
whatever is happening just then.
Suppose you are sitting on an intercity bus next to a long-
haired, bare headed young man. You introduce yourself and he
tells you his name is Todd, or if he is Israeli it might be
Tal. But that is all he says. Fifteen minutes pass. You smile
at him whenever your eyes meet, which is when you are looking
past him, out the window, from your aisle seat.
On one of those occasions, ask him if he can do something to
help you. You try to fulfill the responsibility of speaking
words of Torah when you are traveling. There is something
interesting about the week's Torah portion that you would
like to share with him. Before he has time to decide, begin a
short but particularly good dvar Torah. If he
responds, great. You can go on.
If not, at least he heard one good Torah thought that day.
Your outreach efforts vis-¬-vis your taciturn seatmate Tal,
or his female counterpart Orli, could bear fruit years down
the line. Keep trying.
Then there is what might seem to be every outreach worker's
worst nightmare: the person who is argumentative and
disagrees with everything you say. This person will listen
intently to all of the arguments that are presented to him
and shoot them down, outshouting everyone who tries to talk
about anything spiritual. You think that you aren't getting
anywhere with him. In fact, you think you are going about
this in the worst way possible. But you are wrong.
When children play hide-and-go-seek, everyone is nice and
quiet and polite when the person who is "it" is looking in
remote areas where no one is hiding. However, when he starts
aiming for one of the good hiding places, where it is likely
that he will find someone, there is noise and commotion. When
he gets even closer, the noise intensifies and when he is
just about to find the hidden playmate, there is quite a
racket going on: everything from squeals of laughter and
jumping up and down to gasps of delight on the part of the
seeker, and moans of resignation from the one whose hiding
place is in the process of being discovered.
If you are speaking to someone whose spark of Jewishness has
been hidden for a lifetime, don't be surprised if you stir up
a lot of noise as you get closer to discovering and
uncovering it.
Why am I talking to you as though you are about to embark on
a career of outreach? Because it is vacation time. Even if
you are not planning a long trip, perhaps you will be going
to the Kosel or to a park. You will be encountering many
people from all walks of life, whether on the bus, in line
for security checks or sitting in a refreshment area.
Be an outreach person. Smile, be friendly and try to make
each of your contacts a positive experience. Even if you
think that when it comes to the world of kiruv you
don't know whether you are coming or going, give it a sincere
try. You may find yourself leading at least one fellow Jew in
just the right direction.
