(Based on a true incident)
"How many did you get today in school, sweetheart?"
My twelve-year-old sparkles up to me, "Eight! "
"That's great! I only got three."
"That's good too, Ima." And then the sparkle snuffs out,
"Although one girl didn't smile back."
I pause so she'll know that I'm weighing her words, and my
own. "Maybe she had a headache or didn't do well on a
test."
"Maybe," Bruchie mumbles, hanging up her bookbag, "But it's
hard to smile as real after that. "
And I? Don't I get a down feeling when I smile and don't get
one in return?
I thought about Mrs. X. Every-day as I take my son to his
schoolbus I smile at her and she looks right past me, stoney-
faced. Certainly not pleasant for me but who knows what she's
going through right now?
After my conversation with Bruchie, I decided to call my
Rebbetizin. After all the kids were bedded down and I was in
the privacy of the kitchen, I told her about the conversation
with my daughter and then launched into my own difficulty
dealing with this particular neighbor, Mrs. X.
"It's a day-to-day being ignored!" I can hear more hurt in my
voice than I realized I felt. "I've worked on myself. I
thought maybe my smile isn't true enough, maybe it's not
coming from my heart, so I've really tried thinking positive
thoughts before I see Mrs. X, but she always looks right past
me, as if I don't even exist! It hurts!"
"Why don't you ask her why she doesn't smile back? "
"Ask her? You mean, go up to her and ask her?""
"Yes."
"I hadn't thought of that, " I murmured. I didn't sleep well
that night. I knew it would be best to implement my
Rebbetzin's advice right away and to snuff out the fire under
the simmering pot of my emotions. But I didn't know how I was
going to ask such a question...
8:00 a.m. the daily scenero replayed itself - with a
twist.
Taking my four-year-old to his schoolbus, there was Mrs.
Stoneyface. After I waved him off and was able to catch up to
Mrs. X., I stood right in her way, face to face and with a
big smile on my face, I asked her, "Are you upset with me?
Did I do something to offend you? I never meant any harm."
She was completely flustered, "Why would you think that?" she
blurted out.
"Because whenever I smile at you, you look away."
She was even more flustered now, "No, not at all, it's... no,
really."
I smiled and wave goodbye, not wanting to cause her any more
discomfort, but from then on we always smile to each other. I
realized that she had been shy of all things! And all
the thoughts that had gone through my mind...
This morning Mrs. X told me that my tichel looks very
pretty on me. I almost fainted. She spoke to me!
Baruch Hashem, all because I asked.
How long could my negative feelings have continued? They
could have developed into resentment, even hatred, G-d
forbid.
But instead, Mrs. X is always one of the ones that I include
in my count when I ask Bruchie how many smiles she gave and
received each day.
And today when Bruchie gets home, I'll be able to add that
someone complimented me as well and how nice it felt. Maybe
we can begin adding compliments and kind words to our count
as well.
