Based on a true story with facts obviously changed
In the thriving Jewish community of Yehopetsville lived the
beautiful daughter of Sima and Gershon Shoen. Vivienne had
been blessed with an abundance of talents and gifts from
Hashem. She was tall, smart, attractive and of a happy
disposition. At twenty-five plus, she held an office job in
the business section uptown. She was putting away hundreds of
dollars each month to be able to support a learning husband.
Someday.
With all earthly blessings on her side, one wondered why
Vivienne was still single. Kalman, a young and budding
shadchon, contacted Sima Shoen early in June about a
really wonderful boy that he thought would be suitable for
Vivienne.
While waiting for the ringing phone to be answered, Kalman
sang a tune under his breath, simultaneously making
calculations in his head. "Let's say they'll meet six times,
all in all. First twice a week, then as they get to know each
other better, they'll want to meet every second day. And the
parents will have to meet, too. So in about three weeks from
now, after the vort, I should be $2,000 richer. My
wife deserves a dryer. She shouldn't be hanging clothes on
the line anymore. Yes, I think I'll go order one tomorrow and
write a check for three weeks from now."
"Hello," Kalman's thoughts were interrupted by an answering
machine. He left a message and asked the Shoens to call him
back ASAP about a shidduch for Vivienne.
Sima called back much sooner than expected. "Hello, this is
Mrs. Shoen, Vivienne's mother, returning your call. Please
grab a pencil and write down the following questions which I
want you to answer before we even hear the name of the boy.
Ready?
1. Where does he learn?
2. How old is he?
3. Is he considered the best boy in his yeshiva?
4. If so, why isn't he married yet?
5. Are his parents respected members in the community? In
other words, do they have money?
6. Who are the grandparents, aunts, uncles?
7. Who are their mechutonim, if any?
8. Are there any illnesses in the immediate or the extended
family?
9. Which part of town do all their relatives live?
10. What are the hidden facts we should know, the skeletons
in the closet, so to speak? You must unearth them for us.
"Have you gotten it all down? Are you still with me?" Sima
asked, not hearing anything from the other end of the
line.
Kalman was stunned, to put it mildly. He suddenly understood
why Vivienne was still single.
Kalman cleared his throat. "Yes, yes, of course."
"Listen, Kalman," continued Sima. "I know it's not very fair,
but considering Vivienne's advanced age, I'd like you to do a
rush job and call us back no later than a week from now."
Kalman sadly saw his wife's dryer vanishing into thin air.
Not wanting to admit defeat so quickly, he just answered.
"Shall do."
Kalman was in such a state of shock that he only realized
that he was still holding the receiver when the busy tone
started grating in his ears.
He tore out a piece of paper from his Shadchan Notebook and
wrote out a plan how to go about finding out the pertinent
information that would satisfy all of Sima's questions.
1. Speak to other shadchonim.
2. ——- What should Number 2 be?
Kalman tugged at his beard and decided to first speak to
other shadchonim and then he would take it from there.
He decided to meet Mendel Glick at maariv that night,
after which he went off to kollel.
*
Vivienne got off at the bus stop nearest her office. She
thought of it as `her' office since she was the only
accountant still with the firm, from all the girls who had
started out together with her many years ago. The firm
belonged to a religious fellow who made sure that his offices
were run according to the strictest degree of tzniyus.
This made his firm a most sought after job opportunity within
the religious Jewish commmunity of Yehopetsville.
Vivienne loved her job and now, due to her senior status, was
the one to break in any new girls and show them the ropes.
The young girls looked up to her as some sort of mother
figure as they slowly gained confidence at their job. They
asked her questions which weren't always related to numbers
and accounts. They admired her for conducting herself in the
same modest way as when she had left Bais Yaakov many years
before.
Now, as she walked briskly to her job, Vivienne let her pent-
up feelings intrude in her thoughts about her future. A
lifetime away which seemed as unreachable as the pot of gold
at the end of a never appearing rainbow.
She trusted her parents implicitly, as she had so many times
told would-be shadchonim who had tried to circumvent
them and suggest matches directly to her. She knew they were
devoted to her and only wanted what was best for her. They
had told her so countless times.
As her classmates had gotten engaged, one by one, and then
married, her parents explained to her that they were looking
for the best of the best for her, the creme de la creme.
From as far back as she could remember, Vivienne had always
played Mommy, lavishing oodles of love on her collection of
dolls. As she grew older, she would organize her siblings and
their friends for games and story telling. She secretly
prepared fifteen favorite names for all her future children
and only realized she was getting older when some of her
classmates already had children in sixth grade. Never wanting
to hurt her parents' feelings, she never confronted them
about their unreasonable demands for their future son-in-
law.
Vivienne wasn't an only child, either. She had seven siblings
of marriageable age under her, growing older day by day. And
still, her parents were steadfast in their demands for Mr.
Perfect. She wanted Mr. Perfect, too. She just didn't deem it
necessary for his parents to be financially of the upper
middle class. Nor did she think it proper to dig up skeletons
from someone else's closet. Her parents assured her that she
was too young to judge such matters.
Vivienne sprinted up the three front stairs and sighed. She
said a quick prayer to Hashem that He open up her parents'
eyes and minds to her plight and make them more flexible, for
her sake. She prayed to quickly, finally, meet her
bashert.
*
Kalman met Mendel Glick that night in shul. "Tell me,
Mendel, how does one go about finding the real inside details
about a proposed shidduch?"
Mendel looked Kalman in the eye and smiled. "I bet you called
the Shoens about a boy, right? Forget it. Don't bother with
them. It seems to me that they don't really want to marry off
their children. Those ten questions are just to throw the
shadchonim off their backs." He shrugged his
shoulders.
It was sad how some parents thought that their children were
the greatest ever created and they wouldn't settle for
anything less than their preconceived notions, even if those
weren't firmly grounded in reality. But if Mendel thought
Kalman took his advice, he was mistaken. Kalman very badly
wanted to get his wife a dryer.
One week to the day, Kalman called back. "Hello, this is
Kalman. I have all the information ready, but with your
permission, I would like to tell you the answer to Question
#10 first."
"Yes, yes, by all means..."
"The mother has a brother who never married. It's quite a
long story and they keep it very well buried," Kalman began.
Sima listened.
"When the Iron Curtain first came down, groups of young boys
were sent to Russia as counselors in summer camps which
opened in major cities in Russia. The goal was to introduce
Yiddishkeit to young Jewish boys who until then had had no
exposure to it, had not met religious young men as role
models. This particular boy whom we shall call Moishe, signed
up together with his friend, Feivish.
"After a brief course in spoken Russian, they packed their
suitcases and flew to the Ukraine. The camp was a major
success. The Russian boys were turned on and many made
arrangements to continue their Jewish education in yeshivos.
Moishe was proud of himself and his fellow counselors.
Besides being the catalysts for the children growing towards
Torah and mitzvos, they had a fabulous time exploring
the countryside. All in all, it was a most memorable
summer.
"There was one sore spot, however. Feivish turned out to be a
real killjoy. He always found something to grumble about. He
made sure to point out any negative aspect that cropped up
and downplayed the positive. Moishe decided that he had had
enough of Feivish."
Kalman paused to take a breath. There was no response at the
other end. "Are you still with me?" he asked.
"Unh hunh," said Sima noncommittedly.
"Well, Moishe made inquiries and found out that Feivish was
scheduled to fly together with him in the first group
returning home. Ten other boys would be flying back two days
later. Moishe told the head counselor that under no
circumstances would he travel together with Feivish. He had
had enough of his spoilsporting and grumpiness in the past
two months. He wanted to finally be rid of him and wanted no
additional test in patience. Shimon, the head counselor,
refused to hear anything of the sort.
"We've already bought the tickets and made all the
arrangements for your departure. We can't make any major
changes now. This is a very bureauocratic and undeveloped
country, you know. So hurry up, get your suitcase ready near
the main entrance. Right after shacharis, the van to
the airport will be waiting for you."
"Shimon hurried off to take care of last-minute logistics.
Moishe was still determined not to be stuck with Feivish's
company, come what may. As he made his way to the auditorium
which served as the makeshift shul, he saw Feivish
hang his raincoat on one of the hooks near the door.
"As Moishe walked past the coats and towards the door, he
suddenly had a brainstorm. He stealthily stuck his hand into
the pocket and pulled out the passport. Then with an air of
confidence, he briskly walked up to the aron kodesh,
kissed the poroches, as if to say good-bye, and
clandestinely slipped the passport deep inside the
oron, behind the sefer Torah.
"He went to his place and busied himself jotting a note
indicating where the passport could be found, and dropped it
in Feivish's pocket afterwards.
"Unsuspecting Feivish joined the rest of the boys in the van
for the two hour drive to the airport. As Moishe had planned,
Feivish only discovered the loss when he got to the check-in
counter at the airport. There was no way he could get his
passport in time for the flight. Dejectedly, he returned to
the camp grounds and found the missing passport just where
the note had indicated, never guessing who had played this
nasty trick on him. He went home two days later with the
second group of camp staff.
"A smug and satisfied Moishe had a pleasant and peaceful trip
home and quickly settled down to routine. He chuckled to
himself whenever he recalled the details of the harmless
episode.
"A few weeks later, Shimon called Moishe and asked him very
bluntly, `Were you the one who hid Feivish' passport?'
"`Yes,' answered Moishe with a touch of pride at having
pulled it off successfully.
"`Well, Moishe, I believe you should know the other side of
this story,' said Shimon. `Feivish was supposed to meet a
girl immediately after he got home. It had all been arranged
for him, but the girl decided to meet another boy, instead,
and soon got engaged to him. Of course, everything in
marriage is predestined, but you were the one who caused
heartache to Feivish and his family.
"`It's before Rosh Hashono, Moishe, and I believe you have to
ask him for forgiveness.' And with that, the head counselor
hung up. Moishe was overwhelmed with guilt. He hadn't
intended to cause Feivish any more than a slight discomfort
with his practical joke. Certainly not such aggravation! His
`innocent' prank had backfired in a big way!
"Moishe couldn't forgive himself for having done something so
wicked. Not knowing how to deal with his guilt, he vowed
never to get married."
Kalman cleared his throat and then waited. For a moment,
nobody spoke.
"How dare you?" Sima sputtered. "How dare you besmirch our
good name by publicizing something as private as that?" she
shouted, close to hysteria. "Nobody here in Yehopetsville
even knows I have a brother who's still single. Now you've
gone and ruined all of our opportunities for making a decent
shidduch for all of our children by exposing this
story!"
"Calm down, Mrs. Shoen. I'm the only one in town who knows
this story. My source, you should know, was not local..."
"But why did you have to go and dig up this story?"
"You asked me to, didn't you? You told me to find out all the
hidden skeletons in the closet. Everyone has closets..."
answered Kalman in a soft voice.
Sima croaked. "I'm sorry. It wasn't right of me. Let's get
back on track. Tell me more about the boy. Tell me about
numbers one through nine. If you've gone to all the trouble
to research it so thoroughly, let me do justice to your
work."
After being filled in on the details, Sima Shoen urged Kalman
to call the boy's parents and arrange for a meeting between
the boy and girl.
Three weeks later, on schedule, two very happy occasions were
celebrated in Yehopetsville. Vivienne finally got engaged and
Kalman's wife got a brand new dryer.
