I think I finally understand how life works. Okay, so it's
taken me the better part of half a century, but I think I've
got it now. So here it is:
WE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO FIX OUR MAJOR PROBLEMS. Now please
bear with me.
Everyone of us has a theme problem. One that has plagued us
for a long time, if not the better part of our lives. With
some, it's a medical problem, for others, an emotional
problem. Others, like me, have a financial problem. Some
people have difficult marriages, others can't find their
bashert. Some have difficult parents / difficult
children. Some are fighting the battle of the bulge; others
battle with their neighbors. And so on.
And here's the scoop: we're not meant to win. Our particular
battlefield is the arena in which we do our spiritual
tikkun; it is where we hone ourselves. It is the
means, not the end.
Allow me to illustrate. Over the last fourteen years, I have
had a lot of financial ups and downs. I sold some land that
had been in the family for decades and used the money to be a
stay-at-home Mom. I've won a million dollars in a court case,
only to lose it again in an appeal. I inherited money, then
had a car accident and a fire.
I won a raffle, then lost a job. I've made good investments
and bad investments; borrowed money, paid it back, only to
have to borrow again.
See a pattern? I never sink, boruch Hashem, but I
never swim far. I'm always treading water. And then it hit
me. My tikkun isn't to pay off my debts; it is to use
my debts as a tool to do my true spiritual tikkun.
With all my financial angst, I have had to become more adept
at patience and self control; self respect and respect of
others; compassion and humility; gratitude and
resourcefulness; initiative and emuna; bitachon and
friendship, recognizing Divine Providence and lots and lots
of prayer.
That's a lot of spiritual potential and work in one little
area of life. And we've each been given one or more areas in
which to do this work. (Yet we are always given some areas
which are easy, to balance out the harder parts and from
which we can gain our strength.)
Most of us use our trial and tribulations to help others in
similar difficult circumstances — support groups and
advice columns are but two examples. If we take a look at all
the possibilities, we'll see it clear as a neon sign. The
work isn't to solve the problem. The problem is the
solution.
Each step we take in coping brings us closer to our spiritual
goals, though perhaps not our material or physical ones. We
may never get there. It's all part of the plan. It's not the
destination, it's the journey that's important. I've heard
this before, but now, as I'm learning to swim, it's beginning
to sink in.
Now please don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting that we
shouldn't make every effort to overcome our problems. And
this isn't to say that we may never get out of them. After
all, Hashem's salvation comes in the blink of an eye. What I
am saying is that we need to shift our focus from ridding
ourselves of whatever troubles us, to dealing with it in a
spiritual way. That's our work. Solving life's dilemmas is in
the hands of Hashem.
I feel a great sense of freedom at this discovery. Not that
it frees me from my obligations to the people to whom I owe
money. (Not to worry, all you kind, generous people. I have
no intention of absconding. Where can I go? I owe money to
people on every continent.) But realizing that this is my
secondary aim, not my primary one, gives me a sense of peace.
Our spiritual path is located right in the heart of the arena
where we are Hashem's gladiators.
As we start a new year and run down the list of the same New
Year's resolutions for the umpteenth time, we can take heart
in looking at the list from a different angle. Not with the
aim of achievement but the objective of refinement.
Our goal is not necessarily to accomplish; it is to persevere
towards our goal, which in and of itself will provide the
field in which we can flourish, the fertile soil for our self-
perfection, the ground in which we can take root and grow and
flower and bear the fruits of our toil and struggle.
May we all have a fruitful and productive year!
