Part III
In the first part, HaRav Diskin said that even though the
Maccabeeim on the original Chanukah could have used impure
oil to light the Menorah since it was for communal
purposes, but since they were setting the foundation in
chinuch of the Menorah they had to use pure oil
in order to ensure that the subsequent avodas Hashem
using it would be proper. Similarly, in setting the
educational foundations of children, everything must be pure.
Educating a child is not just educating one person — it
is laying the foundation for generations to come.
A parent must do what is best for his child, and not be
concerned with his own comfort. He should be concerned that
his child fulfill all of his potential. Parents should not
assume that their children are like themselves. One must not
fight a modern war with last generation's weapons. The
yetzer hora always makes sure to use the latest and
most modern techniques, so he must be countered with the
methods that can defeat him.
In the second part, HaRav Diskin explained that part of
educating is to daven to Hashem for success.
Brochos from tzadikim are no shortcut. A
mother's tears are important for yiras Shomayim. Also,
one educates by example as much as by what one explicitly
tells his children. When answering them, we should give full,
understandable replies and not superficial dismissals. We
must inspect their reading material to ensure that it is not
tainted. Do not take anything for granted.
Parents Must Always Take Interest in Their Children
On this occasion, I want to caution parents about a problem I
have encountered in yeshivos and cheders. There are few
parents who interest themselves in their children's
education. This is even more so in yeshivos. In all the years
I have been occupied with chinuch I have actually only
met a few such individuals who sincerely inquired and kept
track of their children's progress. This is not an
exaggeration. I cannot specify the exact reasons for this,
the fact that parents, after enrolling their sons in a
yeshiva, remove from themselves the responsibility for their
children's education. Apparently they assume that his
neshomoh is handed over to a dependable guardian and
they now need to devote only a little time to find out about
the child's growth in Torah and yiras Shomayim. Only
when, chas vesholom, a mishap occurs, they complain
why the whole time they were not told about their son's
weaknesses and are totally surprised.
Sometimes their lack of interest is caused by fright —
that perhaps they will hear something not too pleasant. They
therefore prefer to live in an imaginary world where
everything is fine — to bury their heads in the sand.
Or maybe the reason is their refined nature, their not
wanting to bother those responsible for his education.
It makes no difference whether the reasons are virtuous or
not; for the results are the same. They are negligent about
guarding the pikodon that Hashem has given them. When,
Rachmono litzlan, a child becomes ill and the father
must admit him to a hospital, does the father not continually
ask the doctors and nurses about his child? Does he feel he
is bothering them? I must tell the parents who abstain from
asking about their children because their refined character
refrains from disturbing others, that this is not correct. On
the contrary, those engaged in education are insulted that
parents do not take an interest in their children, and the
neglect puzzles them greatly.
I feel I must also mention the accepted approach among many
parents, that they must help their children with their
studies only when their child is behind his class and is a
weak student. When that happens the parent has no choice and
supports him with the additional help of a kollel man and
such. This approach is incorrect. Shlomoh Hamelech writes
(Mishlei 9:9), "Give instruction to a wise man and he
will be yet wiser." On the contrary, if your son is talented
and possesses spiritual gifts, tutoring him will help him
advance. Giving him special instruction will help him grow
and elevate himself much more.
The financial burden should not bother the parents, although
they sometimes correctly think that their income and salary
is fixed and they cannot undertake any extra permanent
monthly expenses, especially not substantial ones. This
thought seems to be truly persuasive, but they should look at
it differently and with a different approach.
Would you not be prepared to spend a certain sum in order to
make your son into a lamdan and an elevated Jew? When
one-time expenses are needed at home, either for painting,
buying a new refrigerator, or other similar expense, you do
not refrain because of the above considerations. Why do you
not think that with this sum you will be zocheh to a
son who is an exceptional talmid chochom?
I have only written what is obvious and well-known. My only
intent is to awaken people to think, and that parents who
feel they do not know enough to educate their son properly
should seek the advice of a talmid chochom whom they
trust, to guide them in the proper way. In this way, they
will be doing what they are obliged to do and Hashem will
help them succeed in their endeavors.
The Attribute of Hashem's Goodness
". . . visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children
unto the third and fourth generation of those who hate Me,
but showing mercy to thousands of generations of those who
love Me and keep My commandments" (Shemos 20:5). Rashi
explains that we understand from the posuk that
Hashem's middoh tovoh is five hundred times greater
than His attribute of retribution: punishment is only until
the fourth generation but reward is for two thousand
generations.
There is a difficulty in the above. Avimelech said to
Avrohom, "Now therefore swear to me here by Hashem in all
that you do; now therefore swear to me here by Hashem that
you will not deal falsely with me, nor with my great-
grandson, nor with my grandson; but according to the kindness
that I have done to you, you shall do to me"
(Bereishis 21:23). Rashi explains that the pity of a
father on his son extends only until his great-grandson.
If HaKodosh Boruch Hu, because of His middoh
tovoh, were to reward five hundred sons, grandsons, or
great-grandsons, this would be a proof of the middoh
tovoh being five hundred times greater than the
middoh of retribution. However, what Hashem rewards
two thousand generations, this is not a reward to the
particular person who did the mitzvah, since he apparently
has no connection with it and his personal mercy does not
extend so far. Although some mercy undoubtedly does exist,
this does not represent a five hundredfold reward.
Yaakov says about his sons Shimon and Levi, "Let my soul not
come into their council" (Bereishis 49:6). Rashi
explains that this refers to Korach, whose ancestry is traced
only up to Levi. In contrast, concerning the avodoh of
the Leviim the ancestry is traced back to Yaakov.
How can this be explained? Apparently, anyone from Yaakov's
lineage is related to Yaakov both for good and for bad. Can
someone take credit only for the good and not the bad?
The Ramban comments on the posuk, "Lest there should
be among you a man, or woman, or family, or tribe, whose
heart turns away this day from Hashem our Elokim"
(Devorim 29:17), that the root of the sins that Yisroel
committed in later generations was already present at that
time, in the desert.
When the shevotim said that Pinchas was descended from
"Putiel" they meant to criticize him, but the Torah instead
wrote that he stemmed from Aharon to testify about the
quality of [his killing of Zimri], as the commentaries write.
Accordingly, this is what Yaakov intended in his request
about Shimon and Levi. Yaakov said that he was pure and was
not the spiritual source for the machlokes of Korach.
The middoh tovoh was that when referring to the
avodoh, the Torah related Korach's sons to Yaakov,
since in this case he was the root for their lofty level.
This can be further explained. Korach was the fifth
generation from Yaakov. The middoh tovoh extends
forever but the middoh of punishment is only until the
fourth generation. Goodness is a person's real essence, since
the neshomoh that Hashem has placed in man is
tohor, and in their goodness a person's descendants
are surely a continuation of him. Anything that is a certain
way in its essence will still remain so even after many
generations. Therefore even after thousands of generations,
those born are a continuation of their first father.
However, when a Jew sins he is not changing his essence. He
is only wearing an external garment and his connection to
that sin extends only until the fourth generation.
For Yaakov Ovinu the middoh ro'oh of punishment for
sins actually extended only to his fourth generation (and
Korach was the fifth generation), but the middoh tovoh
truly extends all the way back to him because his essence
continues forever. The reward for virtuous acts can continue
until thousands of generations but punishment is only until
four generations. If Avimelech's fifth generation were to be
punished for their sins by Yaakov's children it would not
concern Avimelech any longer, since sin is not a person's
essence and his responsibility does not extend so far.
HaRav Shimon Moshe Diskin, zt'l, was a rosh yeshiva in
Yeshivas Kol Torah in Yerushalayim. His yahrtzeit is 16
Tammuz.