In order to cut down on salt and still have palatable
meals, I have been seasoning lots of different dishes with
fried onions. Last Thursday, before I started my Shabbos
cooking, I took half a dozen onions, chopped them and place
them in my skillet with some olive oil.
One onion, placed in a frying pan with hot oil, can start
cooking quite rapidly. However, an entire skillet full of
chopped onions just sits there for a good while without
showing much change.
After about ten minutes, the onions on the bottom, which had
been in contact with the oil as it heated, began to cook. I
stirred and the onions on top had a chance to heat up. Again,
that took a while. About twenty minutes into the process, all
of the onions were hot and translucent, and the ones on the
bottom were starting to brown.
That was when the skillet needed more attention. It was
necessary to stir pretty often. For the last few minutes, the
stirring had to be almost constant in order to prevent the
onions from burning. At last they were done and could be
moved off the fire.
Shortly before I started cooking, I had been speaking to
someone about parenting. I couldn't help thinking that there
were similarities between the two processes.
At some childhood stages, the parents can merely check on the
child's progress every now and then, and things will work out
fine. At other stages, the parents have to be involved with
the child almost constantly. The real trick is to know which
method to use at any given time.
With the exception of colicky babies, most newborns spend
their time eating and sleeping. They need to be taken out of
the crib at intervals of three to four hours, fed, burped,
changed and placed back in the crib for another long
stretch.
After a couple of months, the baby can stay up for periods
when s/he is not eating. Then it is fun for the baby to look
at the parent's face, to be stimulated by colorful mobiles or
toys, and to be placed in different positions in order to use
and strengthen different sets of muscles.
However, very young babies can't deal with too much
stimulation. If visitors such as out-of-town grandparents
appear on the scene and the mother tries for too long to
repeatedly show off the baby's cute smile or ability to react
to a toy, the baby will initially comply, and then turn away,
or will fuss and start crying.
By 4-6 months, most babies are awake for extended periods.
They learn to roll over, play with toys, watch and react to
what is happening around them. Bathtime is very special.
That's when the parent has to begin spending quality time
with the child -- time without a cell phone at one's ear. It
is time to let the child know how important s/he is to the
parent.
This importance can be demonstrated by a smile, a hug, a
caress or just by being there to give the child such simple
attention as bringing back the ball that s/he rolled away.
When children are old enough to crawl etc., they can amuse
themselves for long periods. Creating a child-proof
environment where the child can safely explore the `world' is
the best attention -- provided Mother is not too far away.
Babies of this age are too young to hear long stories but
enjoy cardboard books with simple pictures and very little or
simple text. A little `mothering' goes a long way.
Two- or four-year-olds are capable of learning a great deal.
The ones who thrive at that stage are those whose parents
again provide quality time, read lots of storybooks, take the
child to the playground, converse with him and provide
durable educational toys such as building blocks, large
crayons, paper and other craft materials.
After that, the school years begin. The best parenting
attention at kindergarten age is in the early morning. If a
mother cheerfully provides a big good morning smile, clean
clothing, a packed schoolbag, a clearly written mitzva
note and a nourishing breakfast, and then takes the child
outside to wait for the school bus a minute or two in
advance, kisses the child and wishes him a good day -- that
child is pretty much guaranteed to have a good day.
A nourishing snack and some quiet time when the child returns
and getting the child fed, bathed and in bed on time is the
last parenting component at this stage.
A school age child needs more quality time. This is when
the onions are starting to brown. Without stirring, the ones
on top will remain white but the ones on the bottom will
burn. Some school children can do well with minimal
attention at home but most needs lots of parental help.
High school compares to the time when the onions are
browning. To come out right, the stirring has to be quite
often. A teen's parent needs to know on a constant basis
who their friends are, what they are doing in their spare
time and has to reinforce the knowledge that they love their
child.
If it was important to know to put away the cell phone to
play with a five-month-old, it is worthwhile to disconnect
the phone altogether to deal with teens. Teens blow things
out of proportion. A trivial slight from a teacher or even a
friend has to be dealt with that day, or it can ruin an
entire school year. If the teen comes to a parent for advice,
they have to be available right then. Half an hour later is
too late. Hang up on your friend and be there for your teen.
You will always be glad you did.
The next stage is shidduchim. When your child is at
that stage, it is pretty much a full time job. Make all of
the contacts, check out all of the references and be
available to discuss each date. Then after the big Mazel Tov
is announced, be there to support your child and answer any
questions. Discuss relevant questions with your Rav. The
stirring at this critical stage is constant, but you will
soon get your long-awaited nachas as you walk your
child to the chupa.
If you have done your part correctly for the previous two
decades, then you have reached the stage where the onions are
done. You can turn off the heat and walk away from the
pan. For most of us in the chareidi community,
that means going on to deal with the next shidduch or
the next teen.
Yes, parenting is a challenging job, but let's face it.
Frying onions is a worthwhile job if it means the Shabbos
food will come out better. Effective parenting will make the
next generation come out better.
