More Than Meets the Eye
Crying is one of the most mysterious and puzzling responses
of the human body. We cry out of joy and we cry out of pain;
we cry in prayer and we cry when faced with death. The eyes
fill with tears, and then suddenly we feel better. Why?
Hashem gave us two delicate tools to understand the world
around us -- the eyes and the heart. The eyes absorb
everything that cross their path, and allow us to grasp the
physical nature of the things around us. The heart takes this
information and processes it, transforming it into spiritual
matter.
The heart and eyes are inseparably bound together. So much so
that the halochoh permits one to desecrate Shabbos for
a wound in the eye, for it is considered to directly affect
the heart (Shulchan Oruch 328,9). In the words of our
Sages, "The muscles of the eye are bound to the chambers of
the heart" (Avodoh Zorah 28b).
In general, the eyes and heart work in tandem to perceive the
world. However, at times we undergo such a moving experience
that our eyes cannot deal with the level of grief or joy
which the heart sets before us. We receive conflicting
messages from these organs, and we are thrown into a state of
confusion.
In order to get through these times, Hashem gave us the
ability to cry. When the eyes fill with tears our vision is
blurred. Crying makes a person feel better, for salty tears
momentarily blind our eyes and let us view a situation solely
through the lenses of our heart. Unable to see properly, we
recognize that there is a deeper spiritual reality that the
eyes cannot distinguish, and only the heart can fathom.
Tears of Joy
". . . The voice of my beloved! Behold he comes leaping upon
the mountains, skipping upon the hills. My beloved is like a
gazelle or a young hart. Behold he stands behind our wall, he
looks in at the windows, he peers through the lattice. My
beloved spoke and said to me, and said, `Rise up my love, my
fair one, and come away . . .' " (Shir HaShirim 2:8-
10).
Every line of Shir HaShirim overflows with beauty and
elegance, poetically capturing the intense love that exists
between Hashem and the Jewish people. Rebbi Akiva understood
the depth of these words, and reciting them brought him to a
state of tremendous closeness to his Creator. When saying
Shir HaShirim, tears streamed from his eyes (Zohar
Chodosh).
The Medrash writes that Rebbi Akiva's students saw him
crying on Shabbos (Medrash Ne'elam, Parshas Vayera).
Some poskim understand that his tears came as a result
of feeling close to Hashem, as in the previous incident while
reciting Shir HaShirim.
They argue that if it were permitted to cry on Shabbos for
pain, anyone who felt the slightest pain could cry on
Shabbos. Tears brought on as a result of sadness contradict
the serene nature of the day and are forbidden (Taz
288,2).
Tears of Sorrow
"One who experiences pleasure from crying on Shabbos and
relieving the pain that he feels is permitted to weep on
Shabbos" (Rema, ibid.). The Rema clearly disagrees
with the above opinion that forbids tears of sorrow. Even
though crying is generally viewed as an unpleasant act, when
it helps a person deal with anguish it is considered by this
opinion to be oneg Shabbos (Sefer Tosefes Shabbos,
ibid.).
"Lev yodei'a moras nafsho." A person recognizes the
nature of his heart (Mishlei). The Rema's leniency to
cry is not carte blanche. Everyone knows whether
crying will relieve them of intense pain that they are
suffering within. The Rema only permits crying on Shabbos if
doing so will help him deal with the anguish (Elya
Rabbah 288,3).
Some poskim do not discuss this halochoh altogether,
perhaps indicating that they forbid crying on Shabbos
(Shulchan Oruch HaRav).
What is the proper behavior to follow? The consensus of
halachic authorities is that if a person feels anguish
bottled up within, and releasing it through tears will make
his Shabbos more enjoyable, he is permitted to cry (Rema,
Oruch HaShulchan, Elya Rabba, Sefer Tosefes Shabbos).
Tears of Prayer
"All of the gates of prayer are closed, but the gates of
tears are not closed" (Brochos 32b). Crying blurs the
eyes and opens the heart. Since prayer is the service of the
heart,' tears have a special part in helping one's
tefillos find favor in the eyes of one's Creator.
Even though a person who feels intense pain is allowed to
weep on Shabbos, in most situations it is forbidden to cry
out to Hashem on Shabbos about our tribulations. Only if
someone has a life-threatening illness, such prayers are
allowed (Shulchan Aruch 288:10). If something takes
place on Shabbos which throws a person into great distress,
G-d forbid, a person may pour out his anguish privately
(Mishnah Berurah 288:26).
We are taught that every transgression leaves a spiritual
mark on one's forehead. With his pure eyes, the Arizal could
read and identify this writing, and understand what sins a
person had committed. He revealed that the secret of erasing
this mysterious writing is to take the tears shed during
sincere prayer and wipe them across one's brow. These tears
have the power to cleanse the offending marks and remove
those badges of shame (Siddur Arizal as cited in the
Elef LeMagen 582:46; Reishis Chochmah, Kedushoh
9:7).
Tears of Mourning
Our Sages divided up the seven-day mourning period into two
parts. The first three days are referred to as "yemei
bechi" a time set aside for crying. During these days it
is proper for the ovel to release the pain within his
heart through tears. While the inability to get upset over
the passing of a close relative is considered to be a callous
act, overdoing it is forbidden for it shows an unwillingness
to accept Divine judgment (Responsa of the
Radvaz).
There was a woman in the community of Rav Hunah who cried
excessively over the death of her child. Rav Hunah sent her a
message that she should not cry so much for continuing her
excessive tears could be the source of more reasons to cry.
She did not heed his words and in the end all of her seven
children died. Her crying continued and Rav Hunah warned her
that her own life was in danger. She continued to weep and it
was not long before she also passed away (Moed Katan
27b).
If a relative passes away, G-d forbid, on Shabbos or Yom Tov,
is it permitted to cry? The poskim write that if someone
became an onen (a mourner who is personally
responsible for the funeral arrangements) on Yom Tov, it is
permitted to weep. Even though this is an active
contradiction to the festive mood of Yom Tov, since an
onen is not obligated in the mitzvah of simchas Yom
Tov, he is permitted to cry about the death on Yom
Tov.
After the burial he should make an attempt to overcome his
pain and try to enjoy Yom Tov (Responsa Amudei Or as
cited in Kaf HaChaim 288,10). In many cases nowadays,
since the funeral arrangements are handed over to others, a
mourner does not have the status of an onen. A
competent authority should be consulted.
The Power of Laughter
Rebbi Gamliel, Rebbi Eliezer ben Azarya, Rebbi Yehoshua, and
Rebbi Akiva were traveling together when they heard a clamor
coming from Rome, 120 miles away. The first three started to
cry, and Rebbi Akiva laughed. They asked him, "Why are you
laughing?" He replied, "Why are you crying?"
They told him, the people of Rome are worshiping idols and
living in tranquility, while our Temple is destroyed by fire;
should we not cry! Rebbi Akiva replied, "It is exactly for
this reason am I laughing! If this is how Hashem treats those
who scorn His will, imagine the reward for those who fulfill
it!"
In another instance, the same four Sages visited the Temple
ruins in Yerushalayim and saw a fox leave the Kodesh
Hakodoshim, the holiest section of the Beis
Hamikdosh. The first three started to cry, and Rebbi
Akiva laughed. Slightly taken aback, they asked him, "Why are
you laughing?" He replied, "Why are you crying?"
They told him, "The verse says, `The stranger that enters
[the Kodesh Hakodoshim] should die.' Now a fox walks
there; should we not cry?"
Rebbi Akiva said, "This is why I am laughing! Until the
prophecy of the destruction of Jerusalem took place, the
prophecy about its rebuilding could not take place. Now that
the first has been fulfilled the second is forthcoming!"
The other Sages told him, "Akiva, you have comforted us!"
(Makkos 24a-24b).
Crying is an extremely powerful tool that can comfort even
the greatest sorrow. However, at times there is an even more
potent means of dealing with difficult situations: laughter.
Rebbi Akiva had the unique ability to see beyond what meets
the eye without coming to tears. This brought him to a state
of laughter and joy, which allowed him to see tremendous
positive aspects of even the most despondent situations.
In these times of difficulty for the entire Jewish people,
Rebbi Akiva's outlook is especially vital.
May Hashem give us the strength to learn from him, and to be
able to view all that transpires around us in the most
positive light that we are capable. In the merit of this
endeavor, may we be privileged to experience the fulfillment
of Rebbi Akiva's words, and see the Temple rebuilt quickly,
in all of its splendor and glory.
