Part II
In the first part, HaRav Diamant discussed the importance
in chinuch of repetition and review. Sometimes it
seems as if a child is not listening and it may be that he is
not paying attention and therefore does not absorb what we
are saying. However if we say it over and over again, the
words eventually penetrate. We have to see our repetition as
a long- term investment that eventually brings its returns.
He gave the example of his mashgiach, HaRav Eliahu Lopian
zt"l, who repeated a set of kabbolos at the
beginning of every mussar vaad. Even though the
bochurim tired of the repetition, the lessons really
penetrated.
Habitual Behavior — Negative or Positive?
As a general principle, it is accepted that one looks at
habitual behavior in a negative light. The prophet Yeshayohu
complains about the level of service to Hashem prevalent
among am Yisroel: ". . . their fear of Me has become a
task of men's habit" (Yeshayohu 29:13). They did what
they did because their forefathers had done the same; their
service to Him did not arise from an internal feeling, but
rather from habit, as they were trained in their father's
home.
The punishment for such conduct is prophesied by Yeshayohu:
"Therefore I will continue to punish them until it will be a
tremendous wonder for the people" (ibid., 14). It is
surprising that such a harsh punishment would be inflicted
for a relatively small — apparently — deficiency:
not making one's service to Hashem more internal and turning
it into a matter of habit.
It seems that serving Hashem by habit is much worse than it
apparently seems to us. A habit of this sort eventually leads
to uprooting the entire Torah. It erodes a person's Torah
observance, slowly but surely.
When a person does a certain act because of sheer habit, if
he forgets a small detail he will not attach any significance
to the lack. The next time he will do the same intentionally,
and the third time he will consider doing the mitzvah without
the missing detail to be perfectly normal. Soon a second
detail and a third one will also be forgotten, and he will
not even attach any importance to his forgetting these
details. The children see all this; they are educated in this
way until the original form of the mitzvah is entirely
forgotten. Everyone is sure that he is acting properly, but
eventually they all end up seriously sinning.
In a certain respect we should relate to doing mitzvos by
habit in a sterner way than not performing mitzvos due to
rebellion against Hashem. A rebellious person is aware of
what he is doing and there is hope that he will ultimately
awaken to do teshuvoh. On the other hand, no spiritual
awakening can be expected from a person who fulfills mitzvos
by rote. Such a person sees himself as exemplary and will
never consider contemplating whether what he is doing is
really correct.
Following this pivotal principle — the negative aspect
of habitual behavior — many halochos have been
explained. The Mishnah writes that a lottery was daily
made in the courtyard of the Beis Hamikdosh to
determine who would offer the incense for that day. Before
the Cohen made the lottery he would announce: "All those who
have not yet offered the ketores, come to the lottery"
(Yoma 2:4). Through this announcement the person in
charge awarded the right to participate in the lottery only
to new candidates, to those who had never been privileged to
burn the incense.
This restriction, however, needs clarification. We find that
in setting up the Mishkan, the Torah insisted that a
board that was once set up on the northern side should always
remain on that side, and a board put in the southern side
should always remain there. The reason is that, "we elevate
things in kedushoh, but never lower them"
(Yerushalmi, Shabbos 12:3). If so, we would naturally
expect that when the ketores is burned, those who have
once offered it would again be chosen above all others. The
mishnah, however, rules just the opposite: only new
people, those who had never done this mitzvah were ever
invited to do it. How can we understand this dichotomy?
The Chasam Sofer explained: A board of the Mishkan
will remain the same even after forty years. This is not so
concerning man; he changes over the course of time. After
burning the incense just one time he will already be
accustomed to doing it. He is liable to, choliloh,
transform this service of Hashem to mere habit. It was
therefore necessary to bring a new Cohen each time, one who
would do the service of ketores with fresh enthusiasm,
with the feeling of a person doing it for the first time in
his life.
In a similar fashion, the Ya'avetz explains the
halochoh that those who came to the Beis
Hamikdosh would enter by one gate and leave through the
opposite one. If they were to leave through the same gate by
which they entered, they would have necessarily gone out by
the same path as they had just taken. In this way the Beis
Hamikdosh would become more familiar to them and their
feeling of kedushoh would have been impaired. This is
the power of habit.
"Hashem Demands One's Heart"
A person is required to maintain his initial enthusiasm
— the same feeling of awe and reverence that he
experienced when he fulfilled each mitzvah for the first
time. "Hashem demands one's heart" (Sanhedrin 106b,
see Rashi). Habit is mere mechanical service.
Habit completely controls us. The brochoh on the sun,
shekocho ugevuroso molei olom, is said only once in
twenty-eight years. This brochoh is said with much
more devotion than the brochoh on lightning, although
the wording is identical. The great expectation towards this
event, due to its infrequency, electrifies everyone. People
merit reciting this brochoh only two or three, at most
four, times in their life. For some people the excitement
experienced during this brochoh is more than their
kavonoh during the Ne'iloh prayer at the
conclusion of Yom Kippur — which is also said out of
habit.
Probably people will argue that on Yom Kippur we are really
inspired in our prayers. How can anyone say that even
Ne'iloh is said out of habit?
It seems to me that the excitement we feel during
Ne'iloh is itself an excitement stemming from habit.
It is an excitement that one is accustomed to from youth,
from one's father's shul; it is not a true internal
awakening. The fact is that during the opening Kol
Nidrei prayer people are excited, too, although it is
actually no more than an announcement annulling vows without
any mention of repenting for sins or their forgiveness. Our
fathers felt enthusiasm during Kol Nidrei, so we too
have become accustomed to thinking that one must become
excited during Kol Nidrei.
Another example, but not taken from our tefillos, is
that Jews who originate from North African countries cry
during funerals more than Jews who originate from Western
countries. The reason is that they have become accustomed to
crying at such an event, while the others have accustomed
themselves to self-restraint.
It is astonishing to think that even tears — a
phenomenon that is considered to be involuntary — can
be the result of habit. Such tears remind us of what the
Kotsker Rebbe once remarked about Chazal's statement that the
gates of tears are never closed. If so, the Rebbe asked, why
are gates necessary? He wittily answered: For feigned
tears.
Positive Habits
If habitual behavior is so negative, why do we try to utilize
habit in our attempts to educate out children? Should we not,
on the contrary, subdue and uproot such behavior?
The answer is that habits, too, can be utilized for positive
channels just like any other character trait. "And you shall
love Hashem, your Lord, with all your heart and with all your
soul" (Devorim 6:5). Chazal (Brochos 9:5)
expounded the words "your heart" (spelled with two
beisim) to mean "with both inclinations" — the
evil and righteous one. One must also worship Hashem with
those character traits generally considered to be lowly.
Habit too can be utilized to impress virtuous character upon
a child's soul. Specifically, repeated demand for proper
behavior will change the child's nature. The abovementioned
examples are ample proof.
Childhood Habits
We are well acquainted with the archetypical child who
removes his yarmulke when he runs so that it will not
fall off. We tell him that it is forbidden to do so, but
nevertheless he goes right on. Yet he too will go through
childhood, and will gradually get into the habit of not
taking his yarmulke off of his head. He will also
educate his own children that way.
If we were to question the child we would discover that
although he did remove his yarmulke, he was perfectly
aware of the prohibition to do so. He just could not
withstand his yetzer, which was stronger than his
inclination to do good. He did exactly as we do when we
cannot overcome our yetzer. Nevertheless, our
admonitions to him entered deeply into his heart, and when he
grows up he will not be capable of acting differently than
the way we instructed him.
We can therefore say that although the child's not obeying
our demands immediately, or even for the hundredth time,
irritates us to no end, even this behavior is in the end
beneficial. The educational process of endlessly repeating
our demands will eventually make positive behavior a good
habit of this child's. The more we repeat and repeat, the
more our words will be engraved in his heart for eternity.
There is no substitute for the impressions that a person
receives in his childhood. We all know about the numerous
geirim that Avrohom and Soroh converted
(Bereishis 12:5, Rashi, ibid.). These
geirim, however, are nowhere to be found later in
Chumash Bereishis or in the following
Chumoshim. They simply walked off of the platform of
Jewish history and were covered with the dust of oblivion.
What happened to them? The Talmud Yerushalmi writes
that they all returned to their previous ways. They left
Judaism forever and nothing was left of them among the Jewish
people. Likewise, no remembrance was left among the Jews of
Eliezer, the head of Avrohom Ovinu's household and his loyal
talmid. Every trace of him disappeared.
All these people lacked education from their childhood, and
therefore their attempt to better themselves and enter under
the wings of the Shechinah collapsed. Why did that
happen? This was because they lacked the strong impressions
made during childhood, which make faith flow in one's blood,
and make it truly matter to one to bequeath faith to his
offspring. Avrohom Ovinu, whose faith did vitally concern
him, took care to hand it down to future generations.
HaKodosh Boruch Hu testifies in the Torah: "I have
known him, that he may command his children and household
after him to observe the way of Hashem, to do righteousness
and justice" (Bereishis 18:19).
One should not, choliloh, think that ba'alei
teshuvoh are incapable of bequeathing emunah to
their descendants. Emunah was implanted in Klal
Yisroel in the time of Avrohom Ovinu and has remained
ever since. "The deeds of the Patriarchs are a sign for their
descendants" (See Ramban, Lech Lecho 12:6).
However, as a general principle we can say that what is
absorbed during childhood makes deep roots. Absorbing the
same message numerous times transforms it to an integral part
of the child's value system, so that he will live with it his
whole life without "freeing" himself from it.
*
This is also the idea behind telling over the Exodus from
Egypt. The aim of this mitzvah, that of knowing the first
chapter of the history of the Jewish people, is that we
should be cognizant of the miracles done to Am Yisroel
and that we should believe in the Creator of the world.
The child hears the story when he is two years old, when he
is three, when he is four and five. He continues to hear the
story on Pesach even when he is in his twenties and thirties.
He has by now already learned all of the sources discussing
our leaving Egypt: the gemoras, the midroshim,
and novellae about it. Nevertheless, he continues hearing the
story even while he proceeds through life, without any stop.
"Even if we were all sages, all savant people, even if we all
knew the Torah, still we would be commanded to tell about the
leaving of Egypt" (Haggodoh). Why is all this
necessary? So that the story will be implanted deeper and
deeper in our souls. By delving deeper and deeper in the
story our emunah is continuously strengthened.
HaRav Nachum Diamant is menahel ruchani of Yeshivas
Nesivos Olam — Bnei Brak.
