First, an apology to Lori Rubabshi, to whom we omitted giving
credit for a lively adaptation of "Dreidel, Dreidel." Credit
is certainly due. Lori, we hope to see more of your
whimsical pieces in the future. Welcome to Yated and
please forgive! I guess my head was spinning...
A letter from Martin Stern, England
You [the editor] wrote regarding Mrs. D.'s letter about
wedding expenses (Dec. 26) that "the writer is not being
realistic, as far as dictating to children and future
mechutonim the norms and standards of today's
living."
I think you are utterly mistaken if you mean that one should
go along with all their wishes and thereby go into debt.
Wedding expenses are getting completely out of control; the
young couple have little idea about costs and what one can
afford and should be told the maximum amount one is prepared
to spend. If this means they will not have as luxurious a
wedding as some of their friends, they must learn to accept
that one cannot have everything one wants in this world and
certainly not if it means it is being paid for by someone
else.
To spend tens of thousands of dollars on one evening's affair
is ridiculous, for people whose annual income is not even
that much! If one needs to take tzedoka, one should
make as modest a celebration as possible and not try to keep
up with those who are either much more wealthy or just
spendthrifts. In any case, ostentation is not a true Jewish
trait.
If the in-laws want to have a more luxurious affair, then
they should pay the extra and not expect one to share the
expenses equally, as my rov ruled to me some years ago after
consulting with Harav Nissim Karelitz.
Yours faithfully,
Anyone want to rebut or add?
Another letter from R.W., also from England.
I think there is a lot of truth in what Mrs. D. had to say
about collecting tzedoka for others' expenses. Living
abroad, people knock on my door asking for help with
hachnossas kalla. Does that mean to buy an apartment?
Well, I don't own a home, I'm not making ends meet, yet I
must scrounge around for a couple of dollars, anyway, because
how can you refuse someone who knocks at your door?
Recently, a meshulach said his child needed speech
therapy and he had limited income. That sounded pretty
familiar; I could make the same statement, myself.
I think before collecting from others, poeple should discuss
it with a rav and explore all other possibilities first, even
if other possibilities may be more difficult, and
uncomfortable.
Unfortunately, it is true that we feel a need for a certain
lifestyle. What we consider basic amenities, were unheard of
luxuries a couple of generations ago. I think we could
perhaps apply the idea of nekudas habechira; each one
of us, including wealthy people, knows where they can cut
back in a small way. And hopefully, bit by bit, we can learn
to be satisfied with less. This would entail a complete
revolution, at least abroad, but I am one person who is
trying to draw the boundaries between needs and wants (though
I don't have teenage daughers yet).
AND SOME BUBBIE EITZES TO KEEP YOU WELL THIS WINTER
(Adapted partially from Bayit Ne'eman)
For constipation: On an empty stomach, take the juice of half
a fresh lemon together with a spoonful of olive oil.
For headache: a good strong cup of coffee.
With so many excellent herbal teas available with supervision
at most supermarkets, why not take advantage of the right
combinations:
Also for migraine headaches: melissa, lavender, linden,
chrysanthemum.
Husband getting bald? Loss of hair in youngsters? There may
be a severe zinc deficiency. This can be tested through hair
samples (there must be some hair left...)
Also, cook up some olive oil with nettle and rosemary.
Strain and rub briskly into scalp.
Diabetes? Nothing better than hilbe or orchid /
raspberry / spinach.
On edge? Nervous and tense? Drink verbena, psiflora, melissa
and/or verbena. Also camomile, which is good for many things
such as all kinds of infections, taken internally and/or
externally, and soothing for babies, as well.
Diarrhea? White rice water, also carob powder, naana
tea, pomegranate juice.
Heartburn? Almonds or liquidized almonds, papaya. And the
cheapest remedy, half a teaspoon baking soda in half a glass
of water. Also, eating a cucumber with its peel.
Coughing? Immerse onion cubes or slices in honey for three
hours. Take a spoonful of resulting syrup every few hours.
Worms? Drink shiba tea and eat raw garlic.
Nausea? Drink water with lemon, with a little ginger
added.
Gas? Baking soda with water as above, anise / ginger / mint /
camomile teas.
Earache? A marvelous remedy: In a tablespoon of olive oil,
place a peeled clove of garlic and heat over a flame until it
bubbles up for a moment or so. Let cool. Pour into offending
ear.
For an easier birth: raspberry tea during the last month of
pregnancy.
Stiff neck: Heat up some thick salt (I think regular salt is
also good) and pour into a big sock. Place on neck.
And a great thing to have around the house: a hot water
bottle. Working at the computer in a cold house? Fill it and
keep on your lap. Warm up your bed before creeping in. Give
to a child at night (wrapped in a towel and NOT TOO HOT).
What have we forgotten? What did YOUR Bubbie do for your
ailments?
