Opinion is sharply divided on the subject of birthdays. In
some families, they celebrate zealously every year, including
a birthday party with guests; in others, the birthday passes
by with hardly a mention. These latter families claim that a
birthday is not a Jewish concept, seeing that the only time a
birthday is mentioned in the Torah is when Pharaoh had a
birthday party. On the other hand, it is written in
Tehillim 92:7), "You are My son, I bore you today; ask
of Me and I will give you..." which some sages interpret to
mean that the date of one's birth is an auspicious time for
prayers to be accepted.
Whether your family is one which neglects birthdays, or one
where birthdays are fussed over, or one in between, there is
surely no mother in the world who does not remember her
baby's first birthday. However harassed she is, whatever
crisis has just arisen, a first birthday is a memorable
milestone. The second birthday is slightly less so, but the
third birthday, if it is a boy, has become a special day for
upsheren -- shearing his long, straight or curly,
locks. This has become widespead even among many families
whose forebears did not have this tradition.
Up to this age, the birthday does not mean much to a child.
Perhaps the acquisition of tzitzis and a kippa
are greeted with pleasure, but it is just as likely that
apathy will set in after a day or two. It is subsequent
birthdays which are important to a person.
Age is relative at all times. A young woman of twenty, maybe
expecting her first child, might meet a `really old' woman of
forty in the ante-natal clinic. A woman in her sixties will
still feel embarrassed when younger women jump up to offer
her a seat on a bus. She does not feel older than people
twenty or more years her junior!
When birthdays have been more or less ignored through the
years, it is unlikely that as a person matures, s/he will
remember the exact date at all times. Nevertheless, when an
adult is asked his age, he will usually know it, which means
that he has realized that another birthday has gone by.
Whether you are a believer in birthdays or not, it is an
excellent opportunity to make a person feel special. One day
of the year when he can feel important. In kindergarten, the
child will stand on a chair and they will sing, "Happy
Birthday." In Israel, the little ones even wear Shabbos
clothes on this, their special day, so that they feel good.
Special is not synonymous with `important.' Self importance
is not a laudable trait. Self confidence, up to a point,
is.
The child could, maybe, choose the dinner for the day. Not
Shabbos food, but a weekday menu which especially appeals to
him. Many nurseries encourage the birthday child to bring
somthing to share. Some mothers may object to the extra
expense, but the reasoning behind it is that a `special'
person is generous, he likes to give.
An older child should be encouraged to give something to
tzedoka on that day, to daven with particular
concentration. Even after those important milestones of Bar
or Bas Mitzva, each subsequent birthday could be a time for
one's own private Rosh Hashona, the beginning of a personal
new year, with some resolution, perhaps.
A person is entitled to celebrate one birthday in a lifetime,
his seventieth (see Kol Chotzev p. 263, the Hebrew
version of the life of R' Sholom Schwadron). The rejoicing of
this great man was overshadowed by the fact that he had lost
a mitzva on that day. At the age of seventy, one is
not obligated to rise from one's seat at the entry of another
elder or sage! Thus, he greatly regretted the loss of this
mitzva. However, he reported that R' Leib Chassman had
told him that when he turned seventy, he would appreciate
every moment that he was able to sit and learn. He now felt
that this blessing had truly been fulfilled.
The Chasam Sofer writes that Avrohom Ovinu celebrated the
date of his son's bris with a party, but not the date
of his birth. Nevertheless, he, too, agrees that the
seventieth birthday is a time for rejoicing.
May all readers reach the age of seventy to rejoice and
celebrate their birthdays, and enjoy many successive ones,
celebration or not, in good physical and mental health!
