I believe that all of us are familiar with the teaching in
Pirkei Ovos, "Make for yourself a rabbi, buy yourself
a friend, and judge every person favorably." Why has the
middle piece of advice somehow gotten lost in the shuffle of
quotes?
Is it that we have so many friends that we do not need to
think about them particularly, and certainly not `buy'
them?
Is it that we are so busy rushing around accomplishing so
many different things that we do not have any time left to
"buy ourselves a friend," either an old one or a new one?
Or is it that, like an old pair of slippers, we don't really
feel that we have to invest anything in those friendships
that we already do have? Instead, much like those comfortable
old slippers of ours, after a long, hard day on our feet, we
know that our friends are just always there for us to slip
into whenever we want to, or feel the need to talk to, or to
be with them.
"Buy yourself a friend" seems to imply that we should expend
some time and some effort, and even some money, in order to
strengthen those friendships which we already now have, and
perhaps even to encourage those friendships that we wish we
could develop (I'd love to... if only I had the time...).
Perhaps we should get into the habit of also investing our
time and efforts into keeping our friends. Perhaps,
like a delicate flowering plant on a porch shelf, if a
friendship is not periodically watered and shaded from the
blazing sun, it, too, can wilt and dry up. A person has to
keep an eye on the leaves, too, to notice if they are even
starting to wilt because it is a pity to wait until the whole
thing is dead.
Perhaps we should try to ensure that we do not become the
kind of a person who takes things for granted. Neither our
food, our families, nor even our friends. A weekly phone call
to say, "Hi, I was thinking of you," does not have to take an
hour or two. And even if the call is only placed every two or
three weeks and hooked into a quick "Good Shabbos" regards,
the connection formed and the bond strengthened can provide a
good feeling to all.
Yes, we all get too busy at times. And we all forget those we
love and like and appreciate. But isn't it worthwhile,
especially in this "buy now, throw away" world, to invest the
time and the effort, as well as the few cents for the call,
to really show our friends that we care and that we haven't
forgotten them?
