We all know that chessed is one of the pillars upon
which the world stands. How can we raise children who will
take delight in finding opportunities to perform
chessed for others?
A child develops a love of chessed if he feels good
enough about himself to believe that his actions can benefit
another. If, from a young age, a child is given small tasks
to do which benefit other members of the family, he will
begin developing an image of himself as one who can help,
assist and comfort. A toddler who is in charge of bringing
the bottle when the baby cries is building up the feeling
that he can make a difference in the world.
For more chessed-boosters, try the following:
* If a family member is sick, have a child draw a picture,
make a collage, record a story-tape or prepare a special
snack. Children are often jealous if another child in the
family is sick and is getting all the attention and care. By
letting the healthy child prepare something for the ill
child, he can replace his feeling of jealousy and abandonment
with a feeling of pride in the mitzva and
accomplishment.
* Do you have lots of extra erasers, pencils, glue sticks and
markers lying around the house? Gather them together in a
shoe box and let a specific child be in charge of the
family's Writing Supplies Gemach. When a family member or
neighbor needs anything, they know whom to ask and whom to
thank.
* Use the privilege of putting a coin in a tezdoka box
as a reward instead of candy. For example, a 4-year-old who
normally balks at getting dressed herself in the morning may
be coaxed with the promise of a coin to put in the
tzedoka box. The more you can enthusiastically
describe how happy the poor people are going to be with the
food they can buy, the more the child will internalize the
idea.
Research has shown that children who are brought up in a home
where candy is used as a regular reward develop a sweet tooth
and even as adults, associate sweets with happiness, approval
and comfort. Let us raise children who feel that the chance
to give tzedoka or do a kind act is a privilege that
gives them a feeling of pride and happiness.
* Whatever community chessed projects you are involved
in, find ways for your children to share the mitzva.
They can help cook food for people who are ill, help prepare
for guests, help entertain guests, pack food parcels, deliver
things, collect food, clothing and other items for the needy.
Enable them to find ways to use their special talents to help
others, both within and outside of the family.
* Encourage older children to create educational materials
for the younger children in the family. Every Friday
afternoon, when things are hectic in the kitchen, my older
children present the younger ones with homemade weekly
parsha sheets they spend hours creating -- complete
with pictures and comics. The younger children spend Friday
afternoon coloring them, and we all admire them, read and
discuss them at the Shabbos table.
One summer, a certain child needed to review some basic
material, so I suggested that my two older children make up
their own board game to provide the necessary practice. They
spent an enjoyable afternoon making a board, cards, and a
list of rules, and the younger child loved playing with the
game made specially for him.
* Make chessed an important topic of conversation in
your home. Learn together as a family from books about
chessed. Think of practical ways you can implement the
ideas within your home and within your community.
* Teach children that chessed doesn't have to be
perfectly performed to be worthwhile. Give the children the
idea that they should try to help other people to the best of
their ability and to the extent of their ability. If everyone
does the bit of chessed they can, it all adds up. If
they are overwhelmed by the idea of undertaking a
chessed project, help them break it down into smaller
parts and commit themselves to doing a small part. Let them
experience a feeling of pride in the part they did.
If they undertook a task and did not perform it properly,
praise their efforts while making suggestions for
improvements. End with an encouraging statement about how you
value the fact that they tried and the good intentions behind
it, and your expectation that with a little more practice it
will go better next time.
* Find opportunities to discuss all the countless acts of
chessed Hashem does for us each day, and all the acts
of chessed that are performed by family members,
neighbors, and other people we come in contact with or hear
about.
The more a person grows up seeing the chessed in the
world around him, the more he will value chessed and
see opportunities for doing his part.
For more ideas about chessed, see the book
Kindness by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin.
