Part III
Chaya's Story
Chaya is now seventy. Her husband, who recently passed away,
had Alzheimer's for ten years. She took care of him at home
throughout that entire period and now wants to help families
in similar situations. Chaya tells us:
At the outset, let me say that caring for a relative who has
Alzheimer's is an immense chessed -- a 24-hour-a-day
one. By keeping such a patient within his family framework
and showering him with love and warmth, we not only make his
life more pleasant but actually extend it.
How I Coped
At the beginning, I realized that I would need plenty of
outside assistance in order to keep my head above water.
Bituach Leumi (National Insurance) subsidized most of this
help. With the grant they offered me, I was able to hire
household help and enroll my husband in the outstanding
Melabev golden-agers club, whose main branch is located in
the Shaarei Zedek hospital. At Melabev, he participated in
enjoyable, rehabilitating programs, which enabled him to
preserve many of his remaining capacities.
Accepting Him as He Is
What encouraged me, too, was the pep talk of a cousin whose
father also has Alzheimer's. At first, I was a bit offended
when my husband stopped relating to me and recognizing me.
But she said, "He isn't trying to hurt you. Alzheimer's
patients simply can't speak, and thus, can't express their
feelings or state their needs."
At the onset of the illness, I still had one unmarried son at
home. He was afraid that his father's illness might interfere
with shidduchim and so was I. He was ashamed of his
father. But my cousin told us that Alzheimer's isn't
hereditary and that it isn't a mental illness but rather a
degenerative condition in which one's functioning capacity
decreases. Her words, "Think of it as a regular ailment such
as a heart or kidney disease and not one to be ashamed of,"
were particularly encouraging.
After that talk, I began to bring him into the living room
when guests visited. He enjoyed being with us, and never
`spoiled' the event.
Melabev Support Group
Melabev also has support groups for the relatives of
Alzheimer patients and other sorts of senior dementia. At
these meetings, members of the group bolster one another and
offer practical advice. Melabev operates six centers
throughout Jerusalem and counsels families of Alzheimer
patients, and has published a pamphlet called "Thirty-Six
Hours a Day." It may be obtained at any of their centers.
For more information, call 02-6666-198 or Naomi at 02-6555-
826.
*
Throughout my husband's illness, I experienced special
siyata d'Shmaya.
One very hot day after I had taken my husband to Kupat
Cholim, I tried to hail a taxi to take us back home. We
waited for twenty minutes but not even one taxi passed by. At
last, I boarded a bus and got off a stop two blocks away from
our home. Walking two blocks may not be that difficult for a
healthy person, but for an Alzheimmer patient, that is quite
a feat. To make things worse, we lived at the top of a steep,
winding path.
"Ribono shel olom!' I sighed, as we plodded on, "how will
we make it home?"
I crossed the street, an effort that took us ten minutes, and
gazed at the path in despair. Suddenly, I heard honking. Then
someone cried out, "Do you need help?"
I turned around and saw my mechutan, with whom I
hadn't spoken for at least a year. He didn't live in our
neighborhood, and didn't work there, either.
"What are you doing here?" I asked him.
"I `happened' to be passing by," he replied.
Then he helped my husband into his car and we were home in a
jiffy.
Whenever I found myself in a similar predicament, I would
pray to Hashem and help always came in some form or other.
The Heavenly assistance I received was apparent and indicated
that Hashem wanted me to engage in this mitzva.
My involvement in my husband's care helped me develop my own
personality, too. As a result of my efforts, my entire
perspective on life changed.
To sum it up, I felt like a surfer who does not position
himself directly opposite the surging waves, but bends when
they approach, letting them glide over him.
If one accepts his sitution with love, he will not only
endure but also become stronger. Caring for a sick relative
is a mitzva whose reward is everlasting. Fortunate are
those who have been given the opportunity to confront such
challenges.
Ezer MiZion, which has a special program for assisting
Alzheimer patients and their families, was very helpful to me
throughout my husband's illness. I was especially aided by
the volunteers they sent on a daily basis. With Ezer MiZion's
help, I hope to establish a hotline for families in need of
support. Those interested in further details may contact Ezer
MiZion in Yerusholayim. This program will be named after my
husband, z'l.
Ed. note: The Jerusalem Community Bulletin lists an
incredibly comprehensive listing of support groups of all
kinds, from Debtors Anonymous to Keren Klita to Arthritis
Sufferers and many more. Obtain your free copy at: 02-651-
0732.
