Some children evince an interest in money from a very young
age, whereas others only regard coins as something to drop
into the pushke. As parents, it is up to us to teach
our children the correct attitude to money, and how to use
it. How are we to meet this challenge? Most parents try to
give their children what they need (or want, within reason),
whether it is a new garment, toys, stationery or some special
treat, and feel rightly that the child does not need money.
The need for money is a contrived requirement, implanted into
the child by those who give him money.
Nevertheless, we can't deny the fact that a person has to
learn about money. The wonderful system of barter has long
been forgotten. A child has to learn how to spend it, how to
compare prices, what is worth buying and what does not pay.
He has to learn to save up for what he needs, and cannot do
that without money. In Israel, during the short apricot
season, some children will bring valuable possessions such as
a camera or an expensive toy to school in order to exchange
it for some apricot pits. They have not yet learned the true
value of money.
Some people take one or two children shopping when they make
their large weekly/monthly grocery order, and let the
children choose some of the items on their own. The children
will learn about impulse buying, and about comparing prices
in small or large packets. One item costs two shekel/dollars
and contains 500 gram; the more expensive package costs three
but contains a kilo. They will notice that large packages are
not always cheaper in the long run than the smaller ones. In
England and in the U.S., they have the price per gram printed
on the shelf next to the actual price of the item. Children
will learn to use their common sense.
Occasionally, a child who needs more than one item, for
example -- some felt pens and a new pencil, can be given the
approximate sum of money and will have to decide for himself.
Does he want a fancy pencil which will leave him only enough
money for the cheapest kind of felt pens? Or will he go for
better quality felt tips and make do with a simple pencil,
perhaps without an eraser tip? It will be his decision.
Should parents tell children about their general financial
situation? Children do not need to know details of the
family's bank account, nor about its overdraft. Adults
understand that even if there is a deficit, there will be
food on the table. A child who hears that there is no money
to cover a check for today, may spend a sleepless night
worrying about the fact.
If parents do decide to cut down on various items, it is
unwise to say, "There is no money." Instead, you can inform
the family that "We have decided to keep fresh rolls as a
Rosh Chodesh treat and to eat loaf bread, perhaps
unsliced, every day." If the child questions this, one can
put it into a more positive light. "Rolls are ridiculously
expensive just now. For the price of 2-3 rolls, you can buy a
loaf for the whole family and we want to keep buying all the
special things like potato chips for Shabbos, right? So at
the moment, we will eat the very good fresh bread."
If a child points out that a neighbor has splurged on some
particular expensive item like a new bedroom suite for the
children's room, you need not sound impressed, nor feel that
way. "Let them enjoy it, but so what? We use our money for
different things. Everyone has their own priorities when it
comes to spending money."
"We've just had such a lovely wedding with so many sheva
brochos, so we are going to stay at home in the summer
this year. Who has some bright ideas for our summer vacation
timetable at home?" sounds much better than, "We can't afford
to go away this summer because we made a big wedding for your
sister."
Altogether, if parents are positive about the things they do
have and do not stress what they do not have, the odds are
that the children will follow their example. In some
families, the children always feel that they have plenty,
whereas in others, they all feel short. This in no way
reflects the actual financial situation. Several of these
families who feel short and complain about the expenses of
school fees, for instance, actually have far more money than
those with lesser means whose children do not think they lack
anything. Wise parents who discuss financial problems far
away from sharp little ears will have calm children who are
content with their lot.
There are parents who discuss money matters at all times and
the children realize that money is the most important
commodity in the world. Others stress that money is not
important at all and that it is only the means to an end.
However, children are not impressed by words. They can read
between the lines. If a boy comes home from school and
mentions that his friend's father learns all day, the parents
might just nod noncommitally. If, on another occasion, he
mentions that another friend has a second home in the country
and a yacht as well, his parents will question him about the
family and then take great pains to explain that money is
really not all that important. If they had merely nodded and
shown no interest whatsoever in the second boy, it would have
been a much more beneficial example. Deeds speak louder than
words.
A child who sees parents spending a small fortune on a
esrog without batting an eyelid, or sees his father
happily buying very expensive tefillin and
mezuzos will realize that the expensive private tutor
who helps him understand the gemora is part of the
same ideals. They may live frugally during the week and the
best things are put away for Shabbos.
In some families, money is used as a bribe on a regular
basis. "If you clear up the toys quickly, I'll give you half
a shekel." Another one for getting undressed quickly. And an
additional sum for going to bed without a fuss. A money
reward if you get over 90% on your test, with the result that
one boy came home and announced, "I saved you five shekel
today because I only got a seventy on the test."
It is fine to give an occasional coin to a child, but if he
earns money habitually for doing normal routine tasks, he
will come to expect it and will do nothing without the
resulting reward. Older children might earn their own money
by babysitting or helping neighbors in other ways (there are
many lovely girls who help others out of sheer kindness).
They all learn about money eventually, and parents must
remember that their children are greatly influenced in their
attitude to money, and the way they handle it, by the example
they have seen at home.
