Parents have a natural affection for their children.
Children do not always have the same degree of natural
affection for their parents. This is because Odom Horishon
had children, but he did not have parents; therefore, it is
easier for children to pain their parents than for parents to
inflict pain on their children.
A child knows that his parents cannot stand seeing him
suffering. To get what he wants, a child does not mind making
his parents suffer. Crying, wailing, throwing tantrums are
all ways of inflicting pain on parents.
You can call it Blackmail!
If you do not give me what I want, I will make you see me
suffer. I will put you to shame. I will cause havoc in this
house.
Giving in to blackmail encourages it.
*
If you try to buy a child's love and respect, you will
lose it! You must earn it. And you must train
him to give it.
Mother must respect Father and Father must respect Mother.
Children must respect you.
[Elementary rules to be quoted as the need arises, ALL THE
TIME, till they become catechism!]
Stand up when I come in the room. / Say "Please." / Say
"Thank you." / Wait patiently. / Don't nudge. / Serve at the
Shabbos table. / Help clear up. / Help with household chores.
/ Children are not supposed to get everything they want. /
Sometimes children have to get something they don't want.
Children must do as they are told even without knowing why. /
Children don't have to know everything. / Children do not
have to give their opinion unless asked.
Do not treat your child with disdain.
Children must respect one another and the love and respect
will grow.
*
CHILDREN need to know boundaries. If a child does not know
boundaries, he feels insecure and is unhappy. PARENTS need to
set boundaries. Children learn the limits of the boundaries
by testing them!
Child: Can I have a candy?
Parent: Yes.
Child: Can I have two?
Parent: Yes.
Child: Can I have three?
*
Parent: Go to bed now!
Child: Can I stay up for just another ten minutes?
Child is testing the boundary. If a parent stretches
the boundary, he is removing it. Therefore, the child will
feel insecure and be unhappy.
Giving in to a child and giving him what he wants makes
him feel MORE insecure and LESS happy.
*
A child wants to be like everyone else. A child wants to be
treated as an individual. This is because Odom Horishon was
Everyone and an Individual.
Child: But everyone has one. Why can't I also have it?
Parent: You do not have to be the same as everyone else. You
do not need it. We do not approve. We cannot [or choose not
to] afford it.
Child: I don't want to go to school!
Parent: But everyone goes to school!
Sometimes, they need to be different. Sometimes they need
to be the same.
