Whether straight from the hospital (where the floors are
washed every day), the Beit Hachalama Convalescent home
(where the floors are washed every day), or your parent's
home (where the floors don't need to be washed every day),
coming home from the hospital, newborn in your arms, might be
somewhat of a disappointment, or even arouse feelings of
aggravation.
The yetzer hora, who when you're feeling perfectly
well, suggests, "Oh, just leave those dishes in the sink for
now," or "The YATED just arrived -- have a seat and read --
only the Family section..." is the same yetzer hora
who greets you when you return home as a postpartum mother,
or kimpeturim [derived from kindt-bedt --
literally, childbed] with "Horrors! Just look at those walls!
Is that tomato sauce or chocolate spread? Quick, you
must scrub those walls!"
Without you being home for the last few days to take care of
the house, even if the dishes and laundry have been
taken care of to some satisfactory degree, other chores have
just been piling up, awaiting your return. Think about it --
those of us who are at home full-time are obviously doing
something all day long! And what does one do when
coming home to a house that has been without a woman's touch
for however- long?
First of all, try not to notice too much of what's not clean
or not in its proper place. If you do notice, at least
try not to mention it the first day you arrive home.
Compliment the family on what was done (which includes
the `mazel tov' signs that had a lot of work and love put
into them before they were hung on the front and/or bedroom
door!)
My sister once came back to find that her boys had built a
giant model of a hospital parking lot, complete with cars,
taxis, ambulances etc. out of 1,000 Lego pieces, all in her
honor. Even though weeks later she was still finding little
plastic parts all over the living room and kitchen, still,
she knew they had meant well and in her heart, as well as
verbally, she appreciated that, as well as the fact that they
had been kept constructively busy for a long time.
Next, as we were told at a lecture at the Beit Hachlama, let
your children feel that you're coming home to them,
not to the apartment! Give the children relaxed attention and
forget that your feet are sticking to the floor...
One friend came home from the hospital with her new baby,
picked up the clothing strewn about the floor, washed the
sink full of dishes, took down the washing from the lines,
looking in each place for her lavender snood... and found
herself suddenly leaning against a wall, unable to walk.
Without going into details, she almost had to return to the
hospital.
A mother MUST take care of herself!
Instead of repeating to yourself, "I just can't stand living
in such a mess. I'm going crazy!" substitute, "I prefer to
live in a neat apartment but this is only temporary." After
about four children, one's dwelling can be neat, but forget
about immaculate!
Welcome to the land of lowered standards. Your present
and future health are more important than trying to impress
visitors. As Rebbetzin S. Miller says, "Better to be a
kimpeturin now and a heroine in six weeks than a
heroine now and a kimpeturin in six weeks."
Practically speaking: how can a conscientious housewife deal
with knowing her limits yet chafing at them? Tell yourself --
and your yetzer hora -- that you'll work on one room a
day (or every other day, or once a week with or without
outside help). Eventually, you WILL get your apartment back
into shape, without overdoing it.
Also, take whatever help is offered. A friend drops by to
wish you `mazel tov' and asks if she can help. Say, "Sure!
Want to clear off the table?" A five-minute favor at best and
if she has more spare time, how about the dishes?
And if your lavender snood still doesn't turn up after months
have gone by, don't worry about it. Chalk it up to part of
the price of leaving the house for those few days to have
your precious beautiful baby! Enjoy your sweetie-pie to the
fullest.
May you have lots of nachas! And as wise women add,
"And koiach, too."
