Two weeks in a row, one of my Shabbos candles went out after
it was lit.
The first week, I figured it was a fluke, but twice in a row?
Something was wrong. I began soul searching. What have I done
wrong? What is Hashem trying to tell me?
"Ask the Rov what the reason could be for my Shabbos candles
going out," I told my son.
"It's the wind," he answered casually.
"What do you mean, it's the wind? I always have the window
open when I light candles, and they never go out."
"Yes, but not on the same side."
Now that I thought about it, the kid was right. I always had
the window open on the right side of the living room. Since
it had gotten hot and the sun was coming in directly on the
aquarium, I had closed the window on that side and began to
open it on the left side. Although both sides were
equidistant from the candles, the aquarium was perhaps
serving as a windbreaker. Before convening a beis din
to pass judgment on me, I tried to change windows the
following week. The candles stayed lit until they burned
out.
Introspection is a good thing. The Talmud encourages us to
search our deeds and our thoughts every day to make sure that
our actions are pure and pleasing before Hashem and our
fellow man. When anything goes wrong, from something trivial
and mundane to, G-d forbid, something major, we're supposed
to look inward and speculate as to the cause.
On the other hand, sometimes the answer is of more obvious
and practical nature and doesn't necessitate searching the
recesses of our souls. If we have a terrible headache on a
sweltering day, perhaps we don't have to purify our thoughts -
- we just desperately need a drink of water. If we cut
ourselves, it may be Divine retribution, commonly referred to
as kapora, but it may be altogether our fault and we
may just need to be more careful. And if our Shabbos candles
go out, we may just have to close one window and open another
one.
Life is a balancing act. Keeping our physical needs in
equilibrium with our spiritual aspirations and obligations is
often extremely difficult. As much as we like to climb to
spiritual heights, we are still subject to the laws of
gravity.
For women especially, our preparations for the holy day of
Shabbos involve shopping, cooking, cleaning, setting up and
preparing. All activities which belong in the physical realm.
Even our enjoyment of Shabbos is to a great extent physical:
eating, sleeping, singing and talking.
If we don't deny our reliance on Hashem's physical laws and
use all of our physical resources to serve our spiritual
aims, we will not fall victim to the thoughts that we are
above the physical laws of nature. Nature -- teva --
and Elokim -- are both numerically equal to 86.
If we serve Hashem by observing both the natural, physical
laws of His universe as well as His spiritual laws, we stand
a better chance of realizing our goals, and with His help,
our candles will never dim.
