For a long time, my major concern was money.
Since I was on my own again and dependent on my salary, my
money situation left me with a feeling of unease. However,
even when Hashem showed me He would be there, it took me a
while to `get it.' Finally, it became crystal clear.
In the summer of 1990, I came to Eretz Yisroel for the first
time. Although it had always been my dream, it had just not
become reality until then. My purpose for coming here was two-
fold: To finally be in the Promised Land and secondly, to
check on my sons who were studying here and to make sure they
were really fine after the Gulf War.
The stories we heard in Canada were blown out of proportion
by the media. They saw no miracles in their reporting and
when my sons excitedly told me about them, I was sure it was
simply to reassure me. So that summer, I booked my flight and
was greatly anticipating this trip. At last! Sure, I worried
about the money part, but came, nonetheless, intellectually
leaving it to Hashem to look after.
The first sign I had from Him about money occurred about two
days before I left Canada. I received a check from Revenue
Canada (the tax office) for the exact amount of my flight,
plus 25 cents. I had never received more than a pittance from
them before and usually I ended up paying them! While
I was amazed, I assumed it was Hashem's one-time generosity
so that money would be off my mind during my stay here.
By the summer of 1994, I made aliya, but not quite. Once
again, I was concerned about how I would support myself.
Therefore, I took a one-year's leave of absence from work. I
had a house to sell in Canada which had been on the market
for several months without a single viewing! More money went
into it to upgrade it and improve it, but still nothing,
nothing.
I had enough emuna to leave it in the capable hands of
my sister and a realtor and carry on with the plan to come
here. The realtor was changed but both had to admit they had
never known such a thing: A reasonable house on the market
without a single viewing!
Once here, it took a very short time for me to realize that
my funds were pretty limited with a high mortgage back home.
This was even though I had obtained my first two teaching
positions within two weeks of being here (another story!). A
simple calculation showed me that I had until exactly
November 25th to sell the house or return to Canada to get a
`real' teaching position again.
Now the `coincidences' began. There were three of them. The
first was that on November 8th there was the first viewing of
the house and the first offer in all those months. The second
coincidence was that their bank approved the mortgage on
November 18th, a number I consider lucky. Have you guessed
the third one? They took possession of the house on November
25th, my deadline.
It quickly became very clear to me that worrying about money
would not help. That Hashem was truly in control of the
world, and certainly my finances. I could relax and know that
Hashem would make sure I had whatever money I needed. My
heart was finally convinced of Hashem's goodness. I did not
only know this intellectually, but emotionally and
realistically as well.
That was nine years ago. One year's leave of absence became
two and then actual aliya. That certainty about Hashem's
providence towards me has remained fast for me all these
years. Many opportunities to be tested arose, and in this, at
least, I had emuna. It also became a basic matter or
practice of noticing and appreciating each time He sustained
me. When I needed extra money, it somehow materialized in
unexpected ways, from directions I could not have foretold.
For example, when I needed to move and had to buy some extra
furniture, a friend phoned with a small job offer that paid
those expenses exactly. When I was getting remarried, I sold
a small piece of furniture which provided the money for a new
sheitel and suit. Precisely so.
What a different view when we see the Hashgocha
Protis! Who could doubt that Hashem looks after us so
well, knowing each person's individual needs! That everything
is truly in His hands. And that asking for Hashem's help and
trusting in it does make all the difference!
