What's the last thing you want to hear at your
chasuna?
"Seconds, anyone?"
Your guests may love receiving another piece of shnitzel at
the meal, but that means you overestimated and paid much more
than you should have for the meal. Your late arrivals may
appreciate a bar overflowing with pastries and kugels, but it
means you'll have a lot of leftovers -- which you may not be
able to take home.
Under-ordering also has its risks. While caterers do prepare
an additional ten percent of food over and above your
estimate, it's unwise to order less and rely on the overage
to make up the difference, if you think more people may be
coming.
"At one wedding, they served rolls, salads and drinks for the
last two tables -- there was simply no more food," recalls
professional wedding planner Judy Bernstein of Jerusalem
Party Productions. "It was embarrassing. It's not the
smartest attitude to under- order. You should try to provide
meals for your guests, but don't overdo it."
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?
Practically speaking, there is no perfect formula for knowing
how many guests will sit down to your seudas mitzva.
Despite their best intentions, some guests may have a parent-
teacher meeting, a sick child, a shiur or other events
to attend on the same night. Before Pesach, your wedding will
probably attract more and hungrier guests. During summer
bein hazmanim, more families may be out of town than
in.
As a general rule, ten percent of your guest list probably
won't show up, says Mrs. Bernstein, who has coordinated
weddings and bar mitzvas for more than twenty years. "A small
percentage will just show up and leave, especially well-known
rabbonim. You can't assume that all of their wives
won't come, because many do. A lot of people go out of their
way to say mazel tov."
Forget about asking for an RSVP (a written or phoned
confirmation of participation in the meal) -- Israelis ignore
them and come anyway. For a recent Yerushalmi wedding, the
host ordered 350 portions, based on their RSVP list. At the
wedding itself, the caterer had to open four extra tables to
accommodate the unexpected overflow.
One way to refine your estimate is by writing a more specific
invitation. Simply writing "chuppa at seven" leaves
many guest wondering, "Am I invited to the meal or not?"
Predictably, those you don't count on staying, will.
At her first wedding, Mrs. F. watched in horror as not- so-
close acquaintances sat down at the tables while good friends
who had come from afar left because there were no more
places. An invitation that reads "chuppa at seven;
simchas chosson v'kalla at 9:30" lets people know
they're only invited for the meal if a seuda
invitation card is also enclosed.
Some hostesses try to hone their food estimate by actually
counting through their invitation list. For example, Mrs. H.
and her husband divided their invited guests into who would
probably come for the chuppa, who for the meal, and
who for the dancing, basing their guesses on how well they
knew the people and what kind of relationship they had with
each of them.
"We added extra portions for the kalla's friends,"
says Mrs. H., "and then we folded the paper and said, `It's
all min haShomayim'."
Indeed, it was. The H.'s ordered 400 portions; the caterer
served 398.
Mrs. R.'s Israeli mechutenes goes one step further.
"She actually calls up everyone she invites to ask if they
are planning to come for the meal," Mrs. R. relates. "People
are actually happy to get this phone call, because if they
aren't planning on coming, they can say mazel tov
before the wedding, rather than having to call up afterwards
to apologize for not being there."
Other hostesses ask friends or relatives to make these phone
calls so people won't feel obligated to say they're
coming.
You could plan on more sit-down guests for the weddings of
your first children than for later ones. Your friends will
also be younger and able to spend more time at your
simcha.
"My (20-year-old) neighborhood has an older crowd and every
day there's another simcha," observes Mrs. M. "People
don't go anymore to sit by a meal unless they're close
friends. Even if you've invited 500 people, you know yourself
who are your closest friends. I count them and throw in an
extra table for surprises."
Beefing Up the Bar
Per person, the meals you order for a seudas mitzva
cost more than the portions you order for the bar. Therefore,
it's a smart idea to order a nicer, bigger bar -- and to have
the caterer set it up early. If the wedding is running
late... if there are more guests than seats... if people
begin arriving for dancing while the meal is still
underway... the food and drinks at the bar will keep everyone
happy and occupied.
Find out who will be in charge of the bar and make sure he
frequently replenishes the food, plates, cups and serving
utensils.
Generally, you can pare fifteen percent off the number of
guests you expect for the dancing, to arrive at a food
estimate for the bar. Certain factors, however, will inflate
the estimate.
"If you provide busing to the wedding, you'll get a great
show," says Mrs. Bernstein. "And depending on which yeshiva
your chosson attends, you can expect up to a few
hundred bochurim for dancing. Some yeshivos, such as
Hevron and Mir, have very high turnouts because it's standard
that they always come to make the wedding more
leibidig."
Count in the kalla's classmates, too. And don't forget
the many girls who come on the invitation of the sisters of
the chosson and kalla. Whole classes of girls
have been known to show up at 9:30 for dancing.
"My teenage daughters go to a lot of these affairs as guests
of the sisters of the kalla," says Mrs. C. "I explain
to them that while the sisters want them there, they're not
friends with the kalla and that the bar costs a lot of
money. They can take a drink, but they shouldn't eat. Kids
understand this when you explain it to them."
When choosing what to serve at the bar, the general rule is,
"The guys will eat and the girls will nibble," says Mrs.
Bernstein. "Women like finger foods like cigarim
[long, thin filled pastry rolls], little quiches, cut-up
pastries, little mousses and vegetable sticks. Men like more
substantial foods like kugel and stuffed vegetables." One
item you should probably over- order is drinks, especially at
a summer wedding.
Many caterers provide a lavish fresh fruit or bread display
as a backdrop to the bar. "I have never once seen anyone eat
this fruit or bread at a simcha," Mrs. M. points out.
"Instead of spending money on that, ask the caterer to put a
little extra on the tables instead."
What About Leftovers?
As long as you establish it ahead of time, most caterers will
pack up leftover food for you to take home. "Most caterers
provide aluminum or disposable containers, but if you want to
be assured, bring along some of your own," Mrs. Bernstein
advises. "Zip-lock bags are very handy."
Be realistic, however: Not everything should be packed up.
Choose food that hasn't been served, rather than what is left
over on the tables.
"A lot of caterers don't provide serving utensils with the
rice and potatoes and everyone uses their own spoons," says
the professional wedding planner. "Do you really want to take
those leftovers home and eat them? And what about foods that
have been sitting out too long in the overheated hall, such
as salads, fish and chicken? Have a little seichel
about what you really want to save."
Confronting ten giant disposable trays of untouched food and
a bag of fifty fresh rolls in the catering kitchen at eleven
o'clock at night would make any baalas simcha decide
to take everything home. After all, it's paid for! Yet you
must also consider whether you have enough refrigerator and
freezer space to store the leftovers. Are you going to be
knocking on your neighbor's door at one in the morning in
search of freezer space? Or are you going to end up giving it
all away? If that's the case, it might be a better idea to
have a chessed organization pick it up at the hall.
What you should definitely arrange to take home is food for
the members of the immediate family and two portions,
separately packed, for the chosson and kalla.
"Usually the family doesn't eat and doesn't realize how
hungry they are," says Mrs. Bernstein. "After the wedding,
they want a meal. It might have been a delicious stuffed
chicken and everyone was raving about it, but they didn't
taste a thing."
The author thanks Judy Bernstein of Jerusalem Party
Productions for sharing her expertise. She can be reached at
051-515-111.
